I asked her why she does not like me she said i am too young and all the boys at school notice me and she hates the way i dress. I dont get it i dont dress like a trap i dress like a 21 year old professional which i am sometimes casual. Granted i am also 5ft6 and weigh 110 pounds and work out but how is that a problem?I try to look my best at all times and had a baby i am trying to figure out how to get around this.I mean i thought having a 21 year old step mom would be cool. But i understand it werid she is 12 years old. My husband is 27 and was only 15 when he fathered her.
2006-09-20 09:17:02 · 17 answers · asked by Jennifer c 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Yesterday was back to school night and an hour before we left she dyed her hair blue its a catholic school!not allowed.She sat there silent and when one of the teachers asked something told her to go **** herself. When we got home she locked herself in her room her dads away in chicago till tommorow. Then she proceeded to sneak out the window it was nine when we got home and 3:00 in morning when the police found her at a train station! This morning i went into her purse and took away her cell phone. also removed her T. V from her room and left her with 7 outfits in her closet and one purse.
2006-09-20 09:18:44 · update #1
My son is almost two years old so often times i do not now how to handle her. I really have tried everything and my husband is not helping saying his daughter is not some freak who needs therapy.
2006-09-20 09:20:45 · update #2
Her mother died when she was 6 yrs old hit by a drunk driver and then her grandparents took her in but they were getting too old to care for her.
2006-09-20 09:45:49 · update #3
It's good to ask for help when you need it, and therapists are NOT only for "freaks." You and your husband need to talk to someone, and if your husband might be more receptive to talking with your pastor than a therapist, then do that. Good luck!
2006-09-20 09:26:35 · answer #1 · answered by norcalirish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one question you don't answer in this, is where is her biological mother while all of this is going on? Is she still in her daughter's life? Was there a nasty custody battle. worse, has she passed away?
I can not stress enough how horrible it is to hear anyone call a child a "freak". I also can't stress enough how horrible it is to think that you could actually think how YOU feel is more important than how she does.
She feels unloved, unwanted, cast aside - obviously there is something having to do with the biological mother she is probably extremely hurt over. You can not be her mother, you are trying too hard to replace her and that only makes things worse. She is all but hanging herself letting you know she is hurting and all you and your husband can do is worry about how it affects you, or your smallest child.
YES, the young girl is in definate need of counseling, but it doesn't make her anything but a normal child who is hurt and confused and rebelling for attention.
If you want to help, talk to the school, find out if they have a counseling program, if not, get out the yellow pages and look for a child psychologist and get her there ASAP. She is far too young to be able to fully express the hurt she is feeling - and by the sound of your post, both you and your husband are too immature yourself to handle such a complex problem.
The girl doesn't want an "older sister" type - which you seem to be trying to be, you aren't "cool" to her...you are a family wrecker in her eyes. She wants what every child wants, her MOM & DAD...and that is a very hard feeling to get over or understand when that isn't going to happen.
GET HER HELP! And in the process, don't make her feel even worse for needing it. Both you and your husband also need to enter into the counseling as well to learn how to interpret the 12 year olds actions and how to POSITIVELY respond to it...not hurt her more.
2006-09-20 16:36:43 · answer #2 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try being her friend and not a step-mom. That may be the biggest thing to her. She doesn't need another mom. Remember you are only 9 years older than her. Take her shopping, and buy her some cool clothes, maybe get her ears peirced again. Don't try to play mommy. I have had SEVERAL step-moms over the years. NONE of them liked me b/c my dad and I are so close.
But they all tried to be my new mommy, and I would have no part of it. She may also think you are cutting in on her daddy time. Try planning a day where her and her daddy can spend the whole day together without you. That way she will not feel like you are cutting in on her.
She could just be testing you too.
2006-09-20 16:29:07 · answer #3 · answered by Motherof2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you remember being 12? She needs to feel important. She needs you to be motherly and stop worrying so much about how you look. You are concerned with your appearance you said so yourself. She is going through puberty and feels awkward about her body. She is more than likely jealous although she probably doesn't realize it. She wants boys at school to notice HER not you. Try playing it down when you are around the school. After all it really isn't important that the children at her school notice you. My sister is the same way and she has trouble with her 13 year old boy because the boys at his school notice her and talk about what they would like to do with her. I find it sickening how she smiles and gets a kick out of it. Be a mama not a sex symbol.
2006-09-20 16:27:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, your step-daughter is acting out because she is 12, which is an awkward time - period. Secondly, she is probably noticing boys. She is probably comparing herself to you and deciding that she can't "compete". Why don't you offer to go shopping with her, maybe take her to the makeup counters at the mall for a make-over? You need to establish boundaries, of course, and make her realized that you are her parent, and have authority, but that doesn't make you the enemy or competition. Good Luck!
2006-09-20 17:27:08 · answer #5 · answered by working mom of 3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she is acting out because she is afraid she is going to loose her father to you. She probably does think that you are too young and is just trying to find out if her father is going to choose you over her. Also with the new baby, she is probably still trying to get used to him/her. From what you have said, it's only those two kids, and that means she is no longer the baby.
on the other hand, her father isn't helping anything. He wants to believe that his daughter is a perfect angel and if he doesn't step up and start taking care of things and making sure that she doesn't continue with this attitude, she is going to get worse!!!
it sounds like to me that you all need to get into family counsling.
2006-09-20 16:30:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Instead of punishing her, I would divert her choices and have a long heartfelt discussion. I'd give her choices of what she wanted to do, how she wanted to proceed with schooling, Basically what she wants to do with her life, for it is Her life. and making it worse for her isn't going to help anything, because I've been in that position before. There's not many options for us and it feels like nothing matters, like there's no way out. So we stop caring or showing respect. Give her choices (school, Clothes, Other Basic Life Decisions), find out what she wants to do in life, find out what she thinks is important and take it from there. Be a parent, not a dictator. Be a guide, not a slavemaster. It's her life, find out what she wants to do with it, so it can be best for both of you.
2006-09-20 16:27:59 · answer #7 · answered by Answerer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my daughters house.....HE is her parent, not you and the harder you try to control her...the worse it will become. Just chill, when she sees that you are not the monster, she will come around. Let him parent !! You just be her support system. Remember, she has a dad and she has a mom......you are an extra....and she will have to figure out where you fit in her world....or if you do.
This is what I told my daughter, who is going through similar.
2006-09-20 16:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by seen-better-days 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her dad needs to step into the situation before she gets out of control. She's probably jealous that you're getting the attention at school, and from her dad. To her, it probably seems that all the guys in her life are focused on you.
2006-09-20 16:26:53 · answer #9 · answered by Dawn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs ATTENTION:
As if it wasn;t obvious.
You need to be a positive role model here and ensure that you, and your husband provide her attention. Tone down your appeal to her classmates as she really just needs attention and will hate you if you take it from here. Give her a make over and help her buy the things that will make her feel pretty
2006-09-20 16:26:44 · answer #10 · answered by billyandgaby 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋