i cant get my 17 year old to clean up after himself. how do i get him to?

Question

i cant take the mess anymore

Answer 1

Take away privileges. And don't just threaten to do it...actually go through w/ it.

Answer 2

You are not the maid.
It is still not too late to start. Start with the trash. Ask your 17 year old to make sure the trash gets to the kerb the evening before collection. He may forget, but remind him once or twice. If he goes to bed without doing it, wake him up around midnight and say sweetly "Honey, don't go to sleep yet, you didn't put the trash out" I only had to do that once, but it was worth getting up at midnight to do it - he never forgot again.
Another technique I used was to wait until my child needed a special shirt or sweater and THEN show them how to use the washing machine - there is real motivation to learn how to use the washing machine when they really need something washed - once they did that load of clothes, say "Please put the load of towels in afterwards, you do it exactly the same way as the load you just did"
I have never been a yeller or a smacker, but sometimes you need to get your point across and let them know that you are serious. I would let a kid of 17 keep their room in whatever state they wanted unless it was a health hazzard! Just close the door. For the rest of the house you could try having a big laundry basket where you put the things he leaves lying around - if they are still there after 2 or 3 days they go to "jail" and he doesn't get them back.
I know it is a little late to start, but I found that when my kids were 3 years old they would help me clear the table, when they were 4 they helped me to take out the garbage, when they were 5 they helped to make the beds, when they were 6 they helped to tidy the yard, when they were 7 they put the groceries away .......... and so on, so by the time they were 13 they were doing a lot for themselves.

Answer 3

I don't really think you can do much at this point to get him to be neater. If you're talking about his room, then I suggest closing the door. When my kids got to be teenagers, I sort of made a deal with them about their rooms. I told them I would have no reason to go into their rooms, as long as nothing crawled out or in, and unless they gave me reason to suspect they were into drugs. Beyond those two things, I thought they were old enough to live in the state of order or disorder they wanted. But it was up to them to make sure that the dirty clothes came out to wash and the clean clothes were put away. If dirty clothes didn't make the wash, they waited until the next week. I put their clean clothes in a laundry basket, and they had two days to get it emptied. After that, I would open the door of their room and give it all a toss inside. When my kids were younger, I developed the "hostage box"- to hold items I found and had to pick up around the house. I suppose nowdays you'd have to have a better name, but the concept was that I had to provide the maid service and take care of their stuff. Maid service isn't cheap, in real life, so if they wanted the stuff back they had to pay me for the priveledge of having picked it up and storing it safely. I would charge according to the child's income- anything from a few cents to a few dollars for the working kids. The money went into a family piggy bank to help set off the cost of souveniers on family outings. Or they could work off the cost doing some chore for me, like cleaning the windows or the light fixtures, for the older kids, or dusting for the younger ones. But for the messy room- I just kept the door shut. If it really got ugly inside, I used to have a silly sign that said "Danger- Waste Site" that I would tape up on the door. It was a joke, but they got the point and most usually at least made a fair attempt to straighten things up.
My best advice, close the door to the bedroom. If you want to fuss about something, fuss about the messes left in the shared family spaces and leave the other alone. His space, his mess, just don't look at it. Shared space, he cleans or pays for the maid service.

Answer 4

17 is a hard age, almost an adult but not exactly thinking like one yet. I dont really have an answer for you, other than it is going to take some growing up in his area. It needs to become an embarrassment to him that he is dirty, no girl is going to like a unclean guy. Make a step of not washing his cloths and teach him how to. Start giving him bigger responsibilities. Or try taking something of value away from him if he does not start helping you pick up his mess. These are some ideas, Good luck!

Answer 5

Here is what I did with my children, the 26 year old just finally moved out and the 23 year old is still at home.
First, close their bedroom door and unless the mess spills out into the rest of the house ignore it. If you cannot do that check his room every morning and whatever he has not put away do what I suggest for anything he leaves out in the rest of the house.
If he leaves ANYTHING in the family living space throw it out no matter what it is. You will not throw out too many coats, book bags, MP3 players, sneakers before he realizes that you mean business. Do not replace anything that you have thrown out. If you throw out his winter coat he better be ready to wear 3 sweaters until spring. Since you are the one buying these items it is best to "hide" the expensive ones to be returned when he has figured out you mean business. My problem was dishes in the bedrooms. I locked the cabinets until they figured out that I was NOT going to accept them leaving dirty dishes in their rooms.
At the age of 17 he will figure it out quickly if you do this 100% of the time. And he can always move out pretty soon if he does not like your rules.
I found that yelling, threatening, etc did no good but once they lost their possessions it sunk in real fast!
Good luck.

Answer 6

At this point if he's not doing it he probably isnt going to. I know because I was and am a slob myself. Focus on just trying to get him to keep his mess contained to his own area and making sure his mess is just mess, and not filth (clothes on floor = messy, rotting food = filthy). Joining the Army helped me a little, but lets face it, I'm still about the messiest person on earth.

Answer 7

I'm 17 also and I use to hate to clean up after myself (I don't mean my room or anything was nasty, I would take the food out, lol. But it was a MESS) and when my mom would tell me to clean it or something I would just say "Mom, I'm a creative person...are you trying to get me to hold back?"....lame I know, but what can I say!?! I just finally grew out of it and realized I was acting ignorant and I mean, would it kill me to clean up after myself? But, one way that did work for my mom is that she would make me feel guilty, but you are going to have to work out how to make your son feel guilty by yourself because I don't know him. Good luck and I wish you the best!

Answer 8

At 17, it's way too late for teaching the basics. You're best bet is to wait until he's 18 & then shove him out into real life to hopefully learn.

Answer 9

Umm...stop cleaning up after him. If you do it for him then why would he want to do it himself? Also, I think waiting til he's 17 to try to gethim to do anythign himself is a bit long?? Soon enough he'll be out on his own so you won't have to worry about it.

Answer 10

first of all take everry thing he own.don,t give it back until he clean his room. if drive ,make him take a bus every where he go. if youhave to do it , tell him it would cost you to clean it..make sure you stick to the rules you give him.i have a draughter his age and what i do if your room not clean .i take your cell phone and any that she like the most and she don,t get to go no where. she learn realy quick. it work for me. you need to try it..

Answer 11

well at this age, you can pretty much say its too late to teach tidyness . . this is something he should have been taught a long time ago . . . I guess maybe you can start taking away some of his privileges . . . or better yet, he's almost grown . . live with it for another year, then put his butt out!!!