If its not the necklaces, its the dress, or the money, or the day... complaints about everything! She won't come to the makeup consultation or shopping for shoes. I can't even have a conversation about the wedding with her because if its not about her, she gets annoyed ( hello... who's day is it?).She won't even do any kind of a bachlorette party! I've already tried to give her an out, but she insits she wants to stand up in the wedding. I can't just fire her because her husband is my fiance's best friend and it would cause friction there. My wedding is 3 weeks away and she's totally stressing me out!
2006-09-20 08:52:48 · 16 answers · asked by sammie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm sorry to hear all of this :( Never a fun way to spend the last few weeks of planning.
As a bride-to-be myself, I understand where you are coming from. But as a former bridesmaid (more than once), I also see how being a bridesmaid or maid of honor can be a bit challenging at times too. No matter what, a BM or MOH typically doesn't see the day as being nearly as important as you do as the bride. So it can be a bit frustrating dealing with others when they can't comprehend (or care enough) how important tasks are to the bride.
My suggestion? Maybe don't make the MOH have a make-up consultation. I'm leaving these choices up to my MOH and BM's. If they want professional make-up then great - if not, that's fine too.
If she doesn't want to go shopping for shoes (which is HER loss), then don't make her. Just let her know that having her there was important to you but if she can't be there then fine. Tell her to give you her shoe size and you will "hope for the best" that they fit! And make it clear to her that you will do your best to pick out the best shoes ... BUT she had better realize that she will have no input regarding the style OR cost (this should perk her up a bit considering she is complaining about money!).
I suppose it's up to the BM's to come up with the bachelorette party. And, again, let her know that if she does not want to help plan it then she has NO say in where to go AND WHAT IT COSTS.... (hint hint... - maybe she'll get it).
If she's insisting on making things stressful for you, then make sure she realizes that all this drama is really just going to make the day worse for her. Tight, expensive shoes... she'll have to do her make-up.... no fun at the bachelorette beforehand.... oh well!
I'm sorry you are "stuck" with a cruddy maid of honor. I guess I'm lucky - my sister is the best! I'll count my blessings again!!!
2006-09-20 09:08:18 · answer #1 · answered by PT&L 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why exactly does this woman want to be your Matron of Honor? Sounds like she isn't getting enough attention and is going to make everyone else pay for it.
Your choices are tough it out and be glad when the wedding is over, or have your fiance talk to his friend and get a handle on what is the problem.
If she won't do anything, then have the other bridemaids fill in but I wouldn't want to be remembering that woman all the rest of my life when I look at the wedding photos. I really think you should let her know that you can tell she's not happy and you are going to ask someone else. Then do it and don't worry about the consequences.
2006-09-20 16:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like one of those people who just has to complain all the time or they're not happy. You don't need someone like her in your wedding party.
Tell her she's no longer needed at your wedding. PERIOD. Make that decision for her, don't give it to her as an option because then of course she's gonna insist on staying. She's still invited but that you don't want her standing with you seeing as how she hasn't helped you at all. Seriously, if she can't get it together to help you out and stop complaining about everything, what good is she to you?
If you're afraid to cause friction, then tell your fiance to tell his friend to tell his wife to stop ruining your big day. Let your fiance know that you need to uninvite her as your matron of honor for the reasons you gave us above. If he doesn't understand then he's not a very good fiance.
If she doesn't shut up and do something...the only other option would be the B#$%^slap her!
2006-09-20 09:25:02 · answer #3 · answered by Jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did your MOH have a wedding of her own? Ask her point blank if anyone in her wedding party caused her undo stress and what she did about it. Explain that you have someone in your wedding party that just can't seem to go with the flow and be satisfied with anything that's going on and you cant understand why this is happening with its not this person wedding, its yours.
I'm sure she will get the picture. If she asks if its her your refuring to, tell her the MOH should feel HONORED to be chosen, and not a thorn in the side to the BRIDE. Ask her point blank if she feels like the MOH or the MATRON OF OBLIGATION?
I feel bad for you that this is all happening so close to your wedding. The only other option is let her do her whining and BLAST YOUR OPINION of her behavior after your honeymoon.
I would not be friends with someone like that. Her hubby and your hubby can be buddies, but I would not give her the time of day after the wedding.
If her hubby is best man, that does not automatically mean she gets to be MOH. Surely one of the other girls would love to stand next to you.
Do what you feel will make your wedding run smoothly.
The less "jerry springer" the better.
2006-09-20 09:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by together420yrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does a matron really need to do...
Nothing
have the girls in your party take up the slack. It sounds like your matron is not really your friend but you're stuck with her. Let her do her own thing and just make sure the photographer knows not to put any pictures with her in the album if she decided to be an *** about it all.
As a side note you are not only stressed by this but by the whole wedding experience in general. I say this ... Cope for 3 weeks and be thankful that you'll be on your way to a honeymoon with no one but him.
2006-09-20 08:58:13 · answer #5 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation stinks. Even though she's your fiance's best friend's wife, she has responsibilities as a matron of honor. If she can't, or won't uphold them, you should fire her. But explain the situation to your fiance before you do so he knows your side of the story and why you're doing it.
Your matron of honor is supposed to be your best friend, not just anyone and she's supposed to take the stress of the wedding off you, not add to it.
Good luck.
2006-09-20 08:58:40 · answer #6 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her be the matron of honor in paper, but name an honorary maid of honor from your bridal party that you know would cooperate and go along with the plans and is willing to give you abridal shower.
As far as the self-absorved whiny biAtch, simply inform her where to get the shoes and the necklaces and where the bachelorette barty or bridal shower would be held. It would be her choice to participate or not and you have include her in the plans.
This is as diplomatic as is going to get.
Congratulations and good luck
2006-09-20 09:37:13 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't fire her, there's not much you can do. Make one of your bridesmaids your MAID of honor and do everything with her. You could even demote the Matron in the line up to defer to the Maid of honor who would actually be your friend.
2006-09-20 08:56:59 · answer #8 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are some MOH who just get out of control. Mine was a total flake, and I know how frustrating it is. You've given her an out, and that's all you can do. Just stop expecting results from her. It's sad, but it's all you can do. Talk to your other bridesmaids and let them know that there is a problem, so they might have to pitch in some extra help. They might encourage her to get more involved. I'm sorry this is happening - good luck!
2006-09-20 08:56:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god! It sounds as though you got my matron of honour! Seriously....my matron of honour was the same way...just utterly useless. The way I dealt with the situation, I complained to the other brides maids and they had a talk with her. Girl, I know exactly what you are going through!!!
2006-09-21 08:33:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋