Question of unfaithfulness...?

Question

A friend of mine has been separated from his wife for seven months. They have children together, however she was the one who abandoned them.

They are going through all the divorce proceedings - during this time he has met an old high school friend whom has always shown interest in him.

They have agreed to go out on a few dates when everything is cleared and he is ready. He says that she isn't rushing him into anything serious - but she is there for him to talk to. Which is good in my opinion.

The thing is he thinks that he is being unfaithful to his wife for having feelings for this woman since he is still officially married. He says that it is the devil is trying to tempt him.

I say that it is a good thing that he has found someone to lean on. I am afraid that the devil may be trying to cloud his judgement into thinking a good thing is actually a bad thing.

I was wondering what your opinion would be? Do you think that he is being unfaithful? Or do you think he is in the wrong because he is still (at least on paper) married?

Um no, I'm not the girl in question. I don't wait like a spider.

Answer 1

It's a fresh wound for him, so it's not surprising that he's having some mixed feelings. Still, in the long run he'll have to get over himself. Feelings occur naturally, and there's nothing evil about his developing feelings for this woman when he is single by every measure but law. It isn't about the devil or his ex, it's about his readiness to move on.

Answer 2

That he is being tempted by the devil is undeniable. Sexual temptation is the hardest to resist. He is still married; therefore, in the eyes of Christ he is being unfaithful. He is committing adultery because the thought of having an affair with this woman is very real. If given enough time and if the divorce proceedings drag out for very long, he will fall to the temptation. This is why Jesus says that in such situations a person commits adultery in his heart, and therefore is guilty as though having actually committed the offense.

Answer 3

It depends on what kind of feelings your friend is having for the other woman. If it is feeling of love like he would have for his sister, then it is not being unfaithful. If the feelings he is having are similar to the feelings he had when he and his wife were first married, then I would say that he is being unfaithful.

If your friend cannot control his feelings, then he should end the relationship. if he can control his feelings for this other woman and behave as a friend or brother, then fine.

If he is thinking that he may be unfaithful, then he is probably too emotionally involved and should cool things off a little.

One thing that helps with controlling your feelings is to act in the manner that you want to feel. Every person has to set his or her own limits when it comes to physical involvement. If holding hands with teh other person makes him feel like he is being unfaithful, then do not do it.

Answer 4

First of all, we need to understand that the nature of sin is to separate us from the good. Therefore, the thing to do is not to define if this is good or bad, but to define the absolute good in the situation.

The absolute good in the situation is if he could get back together with his wife. That's the best. That is the end all-be all of it.

It doens't sound like that is likely to happen.

So now you have to identify what parts of that absolute good are what make it good, and try to keep as many of them as possible remain true. Being back with his wife would:

1) reduce conflict over the children.
2) be less expensive.
3) give him someone to depend on.
4) strengthen his relationship with the children.
5) encourage sexual fidelity. (since the only woman he'd be with is his wife)

There may be others, you'll have to think them up on your own though because I can't think of any others.

So, examine hanging out with his new friend in terms of each of these.

1) It will increase conflict over the children, because his soon to be ex-wife will be jealous. (One negative)
2) Men usually pay for dates, so it will be more expensive. (Two negative)
3) He'll have someone to depend on. (One positive)
4) It's hard to say what effect it will have on his children.
5) You'll have to fill in number five, I don't know either of them.

Of course, each of these is going to have a different weight as to how good it is, also. Maybe money is so abundant over there that a few dates won't make a real difference, but he's under so much stress that the shoulder to lean on will make a huge difference.

If you think of things in terms of finding the absolute right thing to do, and getting as close to that as possible, you'll usually come out on top.

Answer 5

The real question is what does God say about it?? Jesus said that the only way you could divorce your spouse is for the resaon of sexual immorality. Second off how can you say that you loved the person with all your heart when you are not even attempting to restore the relationship but yet are already persuing our people. It "s not the devil trying to tempt him he has more important things to do. He is tempted by his owneyes . Your friend does need to chasing women he needs to be chasing after God and a relationship with him . besides God says obey the laws and it 's illegal to be married and be with another women or man

Answer 6

If he is having some bad feelings maybe he is rushing things and must take time out for himself before he connects with anyone whether it is a relationship,friendship or etc...I don't believe that he is being unfaithful but he should give himself time to heal. Seek clarification on starting a new life and where his children's focus is.
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Answer 7

There is no such thing as the devil. Quit trying to pass blame onto an imaginary thing. Take charge of your own lives and credit for your own feelings.

Answer 8

Devil & God don't exist - What does exist is human emotions (guilt, excitement, happiness and sadness etc) What he is feeling is natural, he is interested in someone other than his wife - That is normal to feel that. Tell him to go slow and watch out for his heart cause he will be going through alot.

Answer 9

I think he is correct. I think he should get his marriage problems fixed first through reconcilliation or divorce. He's feeling it is wrong because it is. I think that whoever it is that loves him, they would understand. They would wait for him to sort out this problem the way God told him too.

Answer 10

I think there is no god and all prophets are false so I don't have a problem with it, but if it is affecting him he should wait til the ink is dry on the divorce papers.