Dad and new wife start invetro within next couple of months. Dad has agreed to pay for part of my wedding, I will match what he puts up. Now he is acting like he doesnt want to pay a dime.(her doings) He lives too far away to sit down and have a heart to heart with. I am getting married in 6 months. Should I feel like I am being neglected? I am his only daughter that he will be able to walk down the aisle and give away. I am not the money hungry daughter that some would say I am. I have been on my own since I was 17-and have never asked for more than $200.00 all together. My step mom is money hungry. She wants everything her way or no way at all. I am running out of options. I have to make some reservations - I am getting married in 6 months - My mom died when I was in 1st grade. I dont think that side of the family is going to help. There has not been much contact since I was so young and couldnt really keep in touch. I do what I can now that I am old enough. Please HELP!
2006-09-20 07:13:56 · 18 answers · asked by elliemae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
no rehearsal dinner. reception at my house. nothing big and fancy.
2006-09-20 07:29:49 · update #1
did I mention that they have been married for over 10 years now--and just started to think about another child?? not a new marriage that i am dealing with...
2006-09-20 08:45:56 · update #2
EllieMae, pick up the phone, and say "Daddy, I am sorry to ask this, but desposits need to be made. How were you planning on sending me, and could you go ahead and send it; I can these things taken care" Then you will have you answer. Whether he's going to come through, or the evil step-mother is got her hand on his wallet. Can you talk to this woman at all? Please tell me you can, because you certainly don't want her to be embarrass at your wedding because you couldn't afford better. If she's using mind games, then use them right back at her. Be happy for the couple trying to have a baby brother or sister for you. I know you aren't money hungrey, and I went back and read your other question. You deserve your father's help, if he said he would, then let's cough up some BUCKS! He has known this for a year, and so, he should be a man of his word.
If he fails to keep his end of the bargain, don't panic, you can still have a beautiful wedding. You are going to have to cut corners, and maybe not have everything you wanted, but you can do it. I promise that some of the most beautiful weddings that I have been to are ones that couples had limited budgets. I know, I have helped put on a many of wedding that people wouldn't believe that I did for what I actually did them for.
Honey, I pray that he comes through for you, and stands up to the wicked witch. If he told you a certain amount, and he says he can't do that any longer, tell him you will take what he send you, because you do need some help. I am hoping that other family members will pitch in and help also, if not money, but free labor. Or do some of the cooking or decorating for you.
I wish you all the best, and I am so sorry that your Mother isn't going to see her baby girl walk down the aisle. She will see you from heaven.......
God bless us all...................
2006-09-20 11:37:03 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't count on your dad. He may not help you.
This is what I suggest you do. Have your wedding at a nice park or beach somewhere. It will cost less that way. Have your reception at a friends house or a local business. My middle daughter had her reception at a Realtor hall and it only cost $200.00 for the 5 hours. My sister had her reception at a fireman's hall for free because her brother-in-law is a fireman.
There are many people out there that are probably willing to help you. Ask your friends for some ideas and I am sure some one will come up with something.
If you save money on the reception hall and place of the wedding, then you can spend a little more on the food and dress and cake.
Then you won't have to worry about if dad comes through or not. Just remember that the wedding has nothing to do with how long the marriage will last. My hubby and I went on our lunch break to the court house 25 1/2 years ago and got married. We grabbed 2 people out in the hall to be our witness. We are still together today and have never been separated.
Good Luck and don't hold too much against your dad. Love will make you do crazy things.
2006-09-20 07:31:31 · answer #2 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This sounds like an upsetting situation. It sounds like you have had a difficult relationship with yout dad at times.
This is your wedding and even though everyone thinks it should be the time of your life there are often many stresses re: family and money that are amplified when planning a wedding.
I am a professional wedding consultant. I advise planning a wedding you can afford. Honestly you can plan a beautiful wedding on a very small budget. I can give you resources/ideas to help you with this if you like.
Will your finance's family help?
However, do not complain to your dad about paying for it. At some point (even once you've started planning) talk to your day, matter of fact, keeping in mind youcan pay for the whole thing, about the cost. He might still chip in or give you a very generous gift. If that happens you'll be further ahead after the wedding and start married life with a little in the bank.
Option #2: Elope. Throw a fun party when you get back to share with family and friends.
2006-09-20 07:34:59 · answer #3 · answered by family_matters 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you and have been in a simular situation.
Call your dad. In a very excited and happy tone, tell him you were going over some of your wedding plans today. Blah blah this and that. Then ask your dad in a concerned voice if it would be too much trouble if he would mind paying for his own tuxedo due to your limited budget for the wedding. If your dad says sure honey I can do that but offers no other monetary assistance you have you answer with out asking. If he says he was planning on paying for a portion, tell him you really would like to discuss this so you can make plans within the new budget that he is willing to offer.
2006-09-20 08:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by together420yrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, it sounds like you shouldn't count on any money from your dad even though he said he'd help. He could have a short term memory (in which case, you could remind him of his offer), or like you said, he's been persuaded not to help by your step-mother. If that's the case...I wouldn't even invite them cause it sounds too much like he cares more for his new family than you, and she will become the evil step-mother.
Plan on a small wedding and a small reception that won't break your budget. If in the end he does give you some money, save it for the honeymoon or something else you really want. Even though your mother passed when you were small and you couldn't really keep in touch her side of the family, it wouldn't be such a bad idea if you asked for a little help. They could understand that it wasn't your choice not to keep in touch and could be more than happy to help.
2006-09-20 08:14:02 · answer #5 · answered by Jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you should be honest how you are feeling about your dad to him. If nothing changes, who cares. It is your wedding and you can do it by yourself. Do what you have for your wedding. Cut costs or have a small one. Dont get caught up in the money part of the wedding, it is the thought that counts. If he doesnt want to be part of it, then that is fine, he hasnt been around your whole life it sounds. Why start now. Good luck with your wedding. Keep your head up!
2006-09-20 07:27:44 · answer #6 · answered by alyssaann02 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW- unfortunately, I think you are going to HAVE to do this face to face. Maybe you should start looking for plane trips for the weekend and tell your dad your coming down to go over everything. I would try to get down there and get a check. Because the way it sounds, it doesn't sound like hes going to be sending any money your way soon. And your right, he can spend a little money on his only daughter!!! I went through the same type of thing in college with my grandfather... he promised me money and his 3rd greedy wife prevented him from giving it to me. It's rough because your like, hey I am not spoiled or greedy but it does feel like this person is cheating you.... why should they get all the money because they married someone!!
2006-09-20 07:21:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should never throw a party that you are not able to afford. Nice as it would be for your dad to 'offer' something, I wouldn't expect it.
Couples now seem to be footing all of the bills, and are gracious if others make offerings, it isn't expected that parents will pay for the weddings anymore.
HOWEVER - because he has made mention of helping out, I see no reason to say that you have been making arrangements, and were wondering if he still had plans of making a small contribution - having said this, it needs to be done tastefully and you shouldn't become upset should he say he has changed his mind.
Congrats and best of luck
2006-09-20 07:21:09 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ goddessofraine ♥ 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would feel neglected but I would start planning the wedding as if he wasn't going to pay. If you have to, have a small wedding then.
If he or your stepmom ever mention things about the wedding-mention that you could use money or that if they want to have a say in the guestlist that they need to pay. Good luck!
2006-09-20 07:30:39 · answer #9 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't count on your father for help. Plan a wedding that you can afford and if he comes through with some money, put it towards savings or towards a honeymoon.
If this means that you have to cut your guest list or get married at city hall, so be it. You don't *have* to have a big party that you can't afford and your guests deserve to be treated like guests. Save up and throw a 'reception' later down the road. : )
2006-09-20 07:19:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋