I recently started dating a great friend I have known for 4 years. I also see her professionally about once a month. We have always gotten along great and I adore her.
Sometimes I think she is really interested in seeing me and sometimes I think she is not. Whenever I see her, she is very friendly and genuinely seems to like me. We get along great and if I ask her out she will agree but then frequently cancel or want to reschedule when the date actually arrives, granted I know for a fact that she is VERY busy with her job, but still, it really starts to hurt after awhile. I don't think she has any idea how much she has hurt me, because I don't show it. I'm afraid if I tell her it will scare her off, because if I didn't like her so much, it wouldn't hurt so much. Plus, it would probably make her feel bad and I don't want to hurt her for hurting me. I also don't want her to feel sorry for me! I don't want sympathy, but I do want her to care about me.
Is she just playing me? Why?
2006-09-20 06:41:46 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems so out of her character. She's one of the nicest people I know, why would she screw with me.
Why won't she just say, "no" when I ask her out? why won't she tell me she doesn't want to go out with me on dates.
I've told her before I would be okay with that, but she doesn't really respond one way or the other.
I just can't bear to let go because I am crazy about her, and she has never told me she doesn't want to see me and she seems happy to see me when I do see her. So I am left bewildered and confused!
But its getting so old.
By the way, I am separated with my divorce pending. She has never seen or met my ex.
Could that be the problem?
Should I...
demand that she express her feelings and see if she is in fact leading me on? She's not communicating enough.
not call her for awhile and try to be cool when I see her professionally?
We have a date schedule in 3 weeks, going to a special event. Should I just lay low until then?
2006-09-20 06:42:26 · update #1
No, she is NOT a stripper, ahole!
2006-09-20 07:13:58 · update #2
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT IS DATE TIME, IF SHE BLOWS IT OFF AGAIN, TAKE THE HINT, SHE IS JUST TOO NICE TO HURT YOU AND DOESNT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU. LET IT GO, IF SHE WERE TRULY INTERESTED IN DATING YOU, TRUST ME SHE WOULD LET YOU KNOW.
2006-09-20 06:50:04 · answer #1 · answered by BAG LADY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you care for her far more than on a "friend" basis...and I think she realizes that ---however she sees you as a friend and a friend only...that's very clear. You do know that deep down or you would not have said you are afraid to tell her your true feelings as it would 'scare her off'...so there's your answer I'm sorry to say.
LOOK she is very apparently not interested in you for more than a friendship - even if you told her how you feel that's not going to change things - in fact you'll probably lose the friendship completely. Either let the relationship go all together - or accept that she is a busy lady and sees you has a friend...and friends that are busy very often have to cancel planned events together...you are getting far (FAR) too upset about it...if you can't deal with it, you need to remove yourself from her life (and she from yours) all together ..and just move on.
I'm sorry for being blunt, and I do hope you can see the writing on the wall and move on with your life so that you can find the person out there that will return your feelings towards you someday. Good luck
2006-09-20 13:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough once considering that you did say that she's "VERY busy". Honestly, if the date means that much to you, give her a call once a week to check up on her schedule. When the last week rolls around, give her a call and strike a conversation, then casually ask "Now...before I get my hopes up in hanging out with you at this event...should I be prepared for you to call out?" and if she gets taken back, I think this is when you need to let her know, "Hey, I of all people know exactly how busy you are and I know your job is very important to you. I just wanted you to know that the last couple of times was...I'll admit, a little disappointing because I didn't get to see you." DO NOT corner her by saying "you did this and you did that and it made me feel this way". Be sure you let her know your feelings and let her know that YOU UNDERSTAND her duties are important to her. If she feels "bad" it's not exactly being taken in a bad way, this is known as "empathy" and people who do have empathy are blessed! The whole point of telling her your feelings is so that SHE UNDERSTANDS. So, when she feels "bad", she's going to re-evaluate her priorities and maybe take your feelings into consideration by telling you she's sorry and will reserve a date just for the two of you or she'll tell you that she's not interested. I hope this works well for you.
2006-09-20 13:54:27 · answer #3 · answered by Natalia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very sure you’re willing to risk loosing your friendship with her first off. Then be as honest with her as you’re wishing she would be with you. Tell her how you feel and that you’re ready to elevate your friendship to the next level, asking her at the same time if she shares your feelings and or attitude.
Assuming “anyone” knows what your true feelings are (about anything) is never a good idea. She can’t know if you don’t share. She can think she’s knows, and you can think that she does… the truth is that only after expressing yourself will she know for sure!
Also let her know that you value the friendship and don’t want that to become ruined if in fact she does not share your feelings.
Be ready to accept the out-come regardless of what that might be. It’s just what us adults do when our heads are screwed on right *a wink & a smile here*.
Good luck~
2006-09-20 13:57:34 · answer #4 · answered by frisky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, because it's stooping to her level, and it's a game, but why don't *you* cancel a date a couple or few times and see what happens, and then if it doesn't make any difference then just move on and suffice it to say she's not really all that interested, and if she fusses, she may be interested, but not very compassionate about keeping an date with someone she supposedly cares for on some level. Either way it's very rude and you may want to re-think liking someone like this to begin with.
2006-09-20 13:52:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest calling off the date with her and lay low for awhile. Don't even bother with the date. You sound like you are being played. Move on, get your divorce settled a relax for a bit for your mind to also settle. Then when the time is right, ask someone else out on a date.
2006-09-20 13:49:16 · answer #6 · answered by Tammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two possibilities:
1 - She is being polite. She doesn't want to date you, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings or the business relationship.
2 - She really is busy with her job. If that's that's the case, then what makes you think she'll have time for you after you start dating? Her job is obviously her priority right now.
Either way, you need to let this go.
2006-09-20 13:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by FozzieBear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she its scared to start a relationship with someone who has been a great friends for so long because if it doesn't work she might not want to ruin the friendship maybe if u give her sometime and try again if that doesn't work maybe just straight up ask her if there is a reason that she never follows thru with going out with you and if she is scared or whatever the case maybe just ask her to give it a chance just one date and make sure it's the best date she's ever been on
2006-09-20 13:49:58 · answer #8 · answered by broken harted 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know if she's "just playing" you but it is very clear that communications are at best murky. What to do? If you don't like the bin you are in climb out. Put the turd on the table and tell her you need a little help.
My guess is you're in far deeper than she is and it may be a little painful for you to pull back out.
2006-09-20 13:55:13 · answer #9 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in that situation... I swear I've been in all weird ones. If you are married and she knows it.. there is a 99% chance she will not date you unless you are legally DIVORCED. Most honorable women do not want a married man, seperated or not! Just makes her seem like that much more of a woman. Make your past your past. Divorce first. Prowl later. The way you make her seem... she's a jem! Good luck!
2006-09-20 13:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by Pimp E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋