My mother just doesn't like me... She chooses my abusive ex husband over me, she hates my new boyfriend, and refuses to allow me to be part of family gatherings unless I break up with him, though my ex is always invited. She tells my 9 yr old daughter that he is ugly, and so are his kids. This is no example for my daughter! What can i do... if anything?
2006-09-20 06:25:51 · 18 answers · asked by Cowgirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wow! What a terrible thing for a mother to do to her own child and grandchildren! I would stay away from your mother for yours, the children, and your man's sake. Do the man that you have now, treat you with love and respect? Then you should not worry about what your mother says. I am kinda in the same predicament and it is painful because family is suppose to love and respect one another. Sometimes you have to make a family outside of your own to be happy. You have your child, your man, and his children that love you and respect you so that is your real family. I would ask your mother is she is interested in going to family counseling to resolve the issues that you two have. If not, I would suggest it for yourself to heal all the hurts that she obviously has caused you. Good luck. I hope everything works out.
2006-09-20 06:36:37 · answer #1 · answered by sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your mother blame you for the breakup of your marriage with your ex husband? If so, that would explain her attitude, but doesn't make it right. Why she's hanging on to your ex is quite odd unless she really feels he was a good person.
Take a chance and Tell your mother how you feel. Ask her to stop putting down your boyfriend and his children in front of your children because she's causing problems. Ask her why she hates you so much, be honest with her and sincere.
You'll see how she really feels when you try to talk to her.
Be prepared to possibly have a hard or no relationship with her for awhile, but you need to stand up for yourself. If she already hates you, you're not losing much. Try to keep up at least a cordial (courteous) relationship with her if she won't consider your opinions or feelings.
Lots of prayer and forgiveness for the past helps more than you may know. Good luck to you.
2006-09-20 13:38:21 · answer #2 · answered by Julie W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about this, I know she is your mother and all but you need to stay away from that crazy woman. Don't let your daughter anywhere near her. you are right she is teaching your daughter some really bad things.
You just focus on your child and your new life and if that is how she is going to act let your ex have her she is acting like a jerk.
If she wants to see you and her granddaughter she will stop acting a fool. I would tell her that she does not have to like your choices in life but she does have to respect you and your decisions or she will never see you again.
2006-09-20 13:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure there are 2 sides to this story. But if it's true, and your mother is verbally abusive towards you and your boyfriend, then you probably should talk to your mother about the situation. If that doesn't work, I guess you should should spend as little time as possible with her.
Sometimes we need to look in the mirror. Maybe there's a reason why she's so negative towards you.
2006-09-20 13:34:10 · answer #4 · answered by seeya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separate yourself. Let your mom know that you love her, and will always love her, and that you want her to love and understand you, but that you cannot allow an abusive relationship to go on. You'll be distancing yourself from her so that you both can learn forgiveness and have love towards eachother.
Explain to your child that you love grandma, and she love both of you, but that she doesnt know how, and because she doesnt know how she's causing damage, and that damage can cause your daughter to grow into a sad, disfunctional adult. So you're going to have to let grandma be grandma, and go one with life in a different direction.
I would encourage her to talk with her on the phone, and to write to her, so she doesnt lose that connection to her family that she needs, but that you cant risk her, or you, being hurt over it.
Also realize that whether its now, or on her death bed, your mother will at some point realize she's lost her daughter for the sake of nothing. So long as you remain loving towards her, and express your desire for a healthy relationship, she can always know that reconciliation is only an "i love you" away.
2006-09-20 13:32:02 · answer #5 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm...I'm sorry, I'm not sure why you have anything to do with her at all. Move along, darlin. You're Mom has issues, is probably on some form of a drug and needs to hit rock bottom before anything good can come out of her life. Don't subject your child to her abuse and just cut her out of your life. Game Over, she's lost her own flesh and blood now.
2006-09-20 13:30:45 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
aww darling ~hugs~ I feel for you, my ex fiances mother was like that as well, and the only way to get her to see the errors of her ways is to either flat out tell her to stop which more then likely will not work, then your next step is to sadly stop going over and putting yourself in a position to let her be emotional abusive to wards you and your family. Best of luck
2006-09-20 13:29:22 · answer #7 · answered by Varacha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make it perfectly clear to your mother that she can not make your life decisions for you and that it is not right for her to choose your x over you if she does not choose to change then you have to just go on with your life and be happy. you have control over her seeing your kids if shes going to bad mouth you and your boyfriend then maybe it would be best that your kids are not around that kind of behavior
2006-09-21 08:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by Sandra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an adult, you have the right to associate with whomever you choose.
Obviously, your mother is a toxic presence in your life.
End communication with her and move on. She's not worth your time or effort.
2006-09-20 15:36:32 · answer #9 · answered by m.allen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't go to her house, don't answer her calls and don't contact her because she presents a bad view of life to your daughter !!!!
and let her invite your ex when ever she wants, show her that you don,t care, if you were living with her (MOVE OUT)
2006-09-20 13:45:21 · answer #10 · answered by maya j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋