My husbands family is very large (3 brothers and 2 sisters)! His mother is Bi-polar. This year my MIL planned a family reunion at a lake and we all stayed in our own KOA cabins. It was one of the worst weeks of my life, and I was in tears by the time we came home. My sister-in-laws and MIL ignored me and seemed cold towards me the whole time. When I got home I heard an old message on the answering machine. It was my FIN, but in the background I could hear my MIL talking about me and it was not good. My sister-in-law the day before the reunion had told her that I did not want to go and did not like being with the family. 3 months and several anxiety attacks later I have finally gotten over it and feel relieved that we won't be having another reunion for a while. WRONG! This week my sister-in-law took it upon herself to plan a week long camping trip for next year! All of the families think this is a great idea and want to go. I am starting to have anxiety attacks all over again! HELP!
2006-09-20 06:14:24 · 13 answers · asked by Lizzy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Plan something else, like put a non-refundable down payment on a cruise, on another vacation destination as far away from them as possible. Sorry, folks, we already paid and can't get our money back. You don't even have to lie and tell them you did it after you heard "word". Last time I checked it was still a free country.
You are either going to have to: set your limits with them OR develop much thicker skin. It IS a difficult situation when it is with family, even ones you married into. There is never one answer that will be correct for everyone.
Do you have access to pharmaceuticals, legal or illegal, to help you through this? (just kidding, don't even go there)
If you can so afford, and decide to go on this trip, I would suggest two or three sessions with a family therapist for you, or possibly you and your husband, to help you develop a coping strategy prior to getting there. Still some families just put the word "fun" in dysFUNctional, don't they. Telling you things like, just be "bigger" than them emotionally....easier said than done when you are in the trenches (I guess literally in the case of a camping trip).
Do you have an IPOD, you could get some books on tape, something to otherwise sort of isolate you from the fray?
What is your husband's position on this? Does he take sides or try and be a mediator? It would be helpful to know his stance to help with other suggestions. Is there any one other person you connect to in the family?
Wish I could be more helpful.
My sister-in-law came to help me after cancer surgery and pulled some of her similar shenannigans, just when I needed it the least. There is always at least one in a family, but sounds like you got a cluster of them.
2006-09-20 06:25:56 · answer #1 · answered by finaldx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First relax. Have you talked to your MIL or SIN about the negative way they talk about you? Have you talked to your husband? I personally would talk to hubby about it, gets you no where. Talk to his mom and sister. Tell them the truth. Stand up for yourself and don't take their bs. Could it be they are jealous? Moms can be strange. This is one of her babies your with, she wants to be the only one. Well your husband loves you or he wouldn't be with you. That should speak volumes to her. If not, point it out to her. Maybe if you put mom straight, his sister will follow suite.
My husbands family gets together every time someone farts. His mother and I don't get along well. I go part of the time. I keep my distance from her. You can always associate with the family members you do like. If we found out that it was going to be for a week, I wouldn't go. I might make my appearance for a day or so. Then I come home and do what I want. That may sound odd, but it can work. His family makes me a basket case.
2006-09-20 06:25:53 · answer #2 · answered by misstigeress 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell you husband that you do not want to subject yourself to the abuse again. DON'T GO. It does not sound as if you can win with these people. What is the idea of these camping trips anyway?. If they want to get together, do it elsewhere. Your mental health is more improtant than trying to appease these people.
If your MIL has mental health issues that is a problem that she cannot help, but it is not excuse for treating you that way.And what is the SIL's problem anyway?
Personally, I went through an extremely bad time, with deep depression. I went through hell but did not mistreat anyone else. That is something that can be helped.
2006-09-20 06:37:14 · answer #3 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All i can say is stock up on XANAX. Or, you could get yourself an attitude at the reunion and go around picking on everyone and ruin THEIR week instead. If you're nasty enough to them then next time they want a reunion they'll probably DISinvite you. Then you would never have to worry about it.
2006-09-20 07:04:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont go. Come down with the flew or something. Does your husband know how you feel. Tell him you really really hate it! i wouldnt want to go ether! Dont go you will be miserable. A week away from home is SO long!
2006-09-20 06:18:35 · answer #5 · answered by BOOTS! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Will now you have a whole year to come up with an excuse to not want to go. If you work, just tell him that you can't take anytime off during that week.
2006-09-20 06:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by greg76991 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just make a stand and don't go! Tell you husband that you have had enuff torture, and he goes with u or his family, and take it from there!
2006-09-20 06:19:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send your husband and stay home.Let him tell your in-laws that you heard them and do not feel welcome. By-the-way, What did your Husband say about this whole thing? It is HIS family.
2006-09-20 06:22:25 · answer #8 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didnt read your paragraph, but the answer to your question is:
THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE! If you can get out of it, dont go. but think about your husband. make him proud.
2006-09-20 06:20:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats next year. I hope they get over themselves by then.
2006-09-20 07:00:41 · answer #10 · answered by kattychat57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋