Lately my child has been expressing that she feels as though I don't love her and that I am replacing her with my boyfriend. Since she has confessed to me that she is feeling this way, I have been spending almost all my time with her. Yet she still acts very sad when my boyfriend comes over.
I have talked to her about her feelings about him and she says that she really likes him. I'm not sure what more to ask, how do I get to the bottom of what is troubling her?
2006-09-20 05:40:08 · 13 answers · asked by val h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Perhaps it is not about your boyfriend at all, maybe something is troubling her somewhere else in her life. Does she go to school? If so maybe something is happening at school to upset her and she is only say those things to cover what is really bothering her.
I would go to her school and talk to her teacher or day-home provider and find out what is going on that you don't know about. Ten to one something is going on outside you and her.
Good luck!
2006-09-20 05:47:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she is just being a tad on the selfish side you have made the extra effort to let her know she is number one in your life but maybe she just needs time to come to the understanding that you can have a relationship and still love her. Children take some time to realize things do not end your relationship because she may continue this for awhile and if her actions run off one man then she will know how to get rid of the next to.
2006-09-20 12:43:54 · answer #2 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter does feel like your replacing her. I don't know how long ago you and her father split up or if you were ever together,but if it has been recent, then she's probably feeling like her parents abandoned her and she's trying to hold on to you. Depending on her age also has a lot to do with it. When my parents split up, I dealt with it a lot different then my sister did who is 15 months younger than me. Just reassure her that she is still the most important person to you and her father. When your boyfriend comes over, do stuff that you all can do. Like go to a park or play a board game. Good luck!
2006-09-20 12:50:42 · answer #3 · answered by Nicki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Had this problem with a mother daughter relationship, the daughter eventaully won out, except in doing it you lost 2 siblings, now as I understand it the daughter has become hatred and the mom blames me.
I was the best thing to ever happen to them I think the mom realizes that now,
Never be the fools fool,
if you are weak you pay.
2006-09-20 12:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not yet be old enough to understand the concept that you can love someone new and still not love her any less, that she will still be the most important person in your life and that no one can change this or take her place. Keep reassuring her. In time when she's old enough, she'll know this for herself.
2006-09-20 12:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is only trying to manipulate you by saying that because she doesn't want you with another man except her dad. Sit her down and explain that you do love her but you also have feelings for him and it hurts you when she says that to you. It may take a while and she may not like it, but you are the adult and you rule the roost.
2006-09-20 12:44:31 · answer #6 · answered by VeeateU 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simply realize that what she is saying is that she wants more of your time---to be non-distracted from nurturant awareness.........which is an o.k. realization to make. it is natural and normal that a child would be with an undivided nurturing awareness . she would prefer not to envision you departing from her and taking your gifts ... making re-introductions with your friend uneasy.
show her that you can return to her in his very presence with some more accepting regularity but try not to impose on her home feeling.
i must remind you that this person will need to be respectful of her peaceful and private enjoyment and for him not to disturb this
...it is vital for her self acceptance(which is the purpose in each of your sharing) and early development. assure her you love her and also need your relationship with another for your own maturity in realization. eventually letting the three of you share a common interest.
good luck and be well all of you
**enlargements** ....... a child will use the language it is capable of or 'thinks' it knows to have emotional impressions and expressions validated. also ... a child 'do not' harm by desiring to be accepted ... a child wants to be accepted as do any person which seeks to justify their own needs to depart from that service or responsibility by inept language manipulations to serve as reasons to/for departure.
openness and honesty of emotional nurturant awareness is acceptable ...it do not constitute weakness or failing of human mind or body to be recognized and validated.
be well allways
2006-09-20 12:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by noninvultuous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see how old your child is . Anyway, if it has only you and her for a long period of time of course she feels a little jealous. Just keep reasuring her that your love for her will never change and give her extra time and attention! make sure she has plenty of alone time with you! good luck!!
2006-09-20 12:55:29 · answer #8 · answered by hillbilly wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you spend adequate time with you daughter there is nothing wrong with dating. she probably resents you replacing her father..though youre not...youre moving on. she has to get over this..the "you dont love me anymore' card has been played and wont be tolerated anymore i should say
2006-09-20 12:46:24 · answer #9 · answered by TheMaverick.The Artist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh she is so working you. kids know how to work us parents. my daughter does the same thing. if i want to go to the movies on one of my nights off, with her father, she gets the sad face like "mommy u never get to tuck me in at night because you work....i want you to tuck me in, i dont want you to go to the movies." yeah...it works. i dont know how to ignore that yet. i do know that i want to give her an EMMY though.
2006-09-20 13:10:14 · answer #10 · answered by goldie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋