I met this awesome guy at school but i find out he has a gf that he just ended it with! he told her he needs a break to do some "soul searching" but him and i have been hanging out now and i really like him! He was over at my house on Sunday night and the ex showed up at my house cuz she had followed him over there and was cussing at him and saying stuff about she thought he wanted a break and not to see others. Well he lied to her about where he was but he also lied to me cuz he had dinner with her the night we hung out to discuss some money she owed him. I know it sounds like a messed up situation but how can I pursue this without getting hurt? And whats the best way to start something but not be so nervous about getting involved. Im just afraid hes going to hurt me- but i really do like him! Oh and im 22 and hes 23
2006-09-20 05:34:00 · 24 answers · asked by BLoNdE22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the previous relationship isnt over yet , the breakup process can last months for some people . the fact is he is still seeing her and what he is telling you and what he is telling her are two different things , I bet he told her he still loves her or something like that .......... I remember breaking up with a girl , I couldnt stand her but I really didnt want to break up with the sex just the girl ......so I would go back for more punishment ......... I bet a hundered bucks he is lying to both of you ..........
2006-09-20 05:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no real deal here, except that you are setting yourself up for failure.
If he needed space from his ex-girl friend, why would or was he be so eager to get with you. More than likely, he's been looking at you and was waiting for the right moment.
If you offer him the time, yes you will be hurt. What you should be looking for is:
1. How many girl friends has he had since age 14 to now.
2. How long has the relationship lasted.
3. What were the reasons for the break up.
4. Did he have sex with any of them.
5. Has he ever been tested for any STD's, if so, does he have his copy of the test results.
6. what were some of the problems in the relationships he's had.
7. Did he get along with their families.
8. How concern is he about his future.
9. Is commitment to family and or religion a strong point for him.
10. Is waiting to start a family a good idea and why.
You must concider all the possibilities which come to mind, because Communication and stability in a relationship is a must, you are taking on a partner who is to be there with you for a long time. If this is not the case for you, then don't venture into it, as I stated you will be hurt and you will fail because if he was able to drop one girl and come to you in less than a week, it shows that he is not capable of maintaning a steady relationship and did not give himself time to get over the break up or lost of a supposed loved and he will blame you for anything wrong even if its his fault, he'll say "you didn't tell me", and it will escilate from there, then he's gone.
When I was much younger (in my late teens and early 20's) I played the game, I know, experienced or has seen many forms of the game. I was a quick study to the game and now I am MUCH older with kids, they are much aware of the lies and decite people will place upon them, however, the game is forever changing, but its all the same, Don't get caught up.
2006-09-20 06:08:54 · answer #2 · answered by WOODSAK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you say Rebound Girl don't put yourself through all that if you just want to play and you don't care then go for it have some fun and walk away feelings in tact however if you are gonna get attached save yourself the pain because noone can help but be confused after the end of a relationship and you can't expect this man to be different he's not ready there is however an amendment to the rule. Were you to become friends and see him through this rough time and a few rebounds after wards you could confess you have feelings for him. Boom you have earned his trust and let someone else take the rebound role. Good luck
2006-09-20 05:39:38 · answer #3 · answered by Katlynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say he still likes/loves or at least wants to be in her life. The part about wanting to discuss the owed money with her and not telling her where he was when he was at your house would lead me to believe I was right. If you want someone out of your life, owed money becomes somewhat trivial you just want that person gone. Why would he need to lie about where he was to an ex-girlfriend? What is she gonna do, withhold sex from him?
If he lied to you about his whereabouts then I think he's priming you both for some two-timing action. He's already begun to make you both rivals for his attention. As far as her coming to your home, tell him to ask her to stop. Her beef is with him, not you, she doesnt have the right to invade your inner sanctum.
Its only been a week and if you do pursue a relationship with him its very likely that you will be a rebound relationship. You know, the girl who gets him over his relationship. I think you deserve better than that, dont you?
2006-09-20 05:36:23 · answer #4 · answered by ♥♥♥ Pink ♥♥♥ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How do you pursue it without getting hurt? From far away, the way people watch a speed chase on tv... don't get involved.
Whether he blames the crazy ex or not you are already getting a bad vibe from this guy. I'm not gonna say he is a liar or that he is trouble (maybe that's why you are attracted to him) but he certainly gets off on drama. So unless you want to share that I would say stay away.
Find someone else, you deserve better!
2006-09-20 05:41:24 · answer #5 · answered by crazy_monkey_jr010 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way to perue this without getting hurt. He is broke up he is on a break and that is a big difference. Evidently he has convinced his GIRL that they were still taking a break so if he lied to the one he's with, how good do you think he is going to be to you? If you start something with him while he is in the middle of something with her, then you are only asking for heart ache and drama! DONT DO IT!
2006-09-20 05:38:25 · answer #6 · answered by superbad~honeydip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to lay off for now and give him some time. If his still going out with her then his not completely over her. Why would you want to put yourself in a situation where he can just get up and leave when he wants to be with her. She's not going anywhere yet and she's going to continue to try and get him back. By her doing so he will get feed up. A lot of the times when men become single again they tend to go and explore other options and in this case your his other option.
2006-09-20 05:41:43 · answer #7 · answered by dodgergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be real careful about this relationship because sounds to me he's using you to be free of her! You don't want to be his rebound girl! Chances are; he was tired of the relationship he previously had, but, when playtimes over, he'll 9 chances outta 10 be back with his EX! You don't want to get hurt in the crossfire! Is It Really Worth Getting Hurt Over?
2006-09-20 05:41:45 · answer #8 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um not trying to be harsh but if he needed "soul searching" with her he'll need it with you, break it off now and tell him in a couple of months to call you then IF it's really over with the GF
if you don't your just setting your own self up and will have no one to blame, when it goes down the drain...i mean he has people following him to your house...if that isn't a warning i don't know what is
2006-09-20 05:37:42 · answer #9 · answered by kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, you need to wait before pursuing things romantically with him - otherwise, you are condoning that he continue the same deception with you. Just step back for now, and you won't have to worry about him hurting you. That doesn't mean you can't hang out with him, just keep your emotions out of it, or he WILL end up hurting you.
2006-09-20 05:39:16 · answer #10 · answered by stargirllll4311 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋