My sons Dad is constantly telling him that he will come to get or see him on a certain day and he always calls and says that something came up.
What do I tell my son when his father wants nothing to do with him?
I always feel like the bad guy when he does this.
2006-09-20 05:15:03 · 26 answers · asked by Amanda D 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
My dad did the same thing to us when we were little, unfortunatly, there isn't much you can do other than let him learn to live with the disapointment. I'm sorry, I know how hard that is from a mom's point of view and the childs.
2006-09-20 05:17:18 · answer #1 · answered by Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One don't tell your son dad is coming until he actually shows up. It is hard to see your child hurt because the other parent doesn't want to be involved but all you can do is love him even more. As your son gets older he will start to see that dad isn't here and Mommy is and will deal with it in different ways, my nephew made up stories said his dad was off working and everything else. Just be there for him and answer his questions with a simple answer such as I don't know why daddy is that way I know he loves you but he has a lot going on right now. Never say bad things as your child will remember this and eventually may turn against you feeling you kept dad away. If nothing else do like my mom did and take your son to him, at least then he can see him if only for a few minutes.
2006-09-20 09:23:31 · answer #2 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband won't come and spend time with your son make him feel guility by telling him he's missing out on the best years of his son's life and he will remember that dad was never there, If this does not work on your husband or ex, then tell him not to tell your son he's coming to see him ,make him tell only you ,that way if or when he shows up your son will have a big surprise instead of a heartache because his dad did'nt come when he said he would. Don't make excuses for his Dad ,,just you and your son do things together to let him know you are always there for him no matter what. If his dad wants to be a jerk then let Him live with the fact that he let his son down and when your son is older and dad trys to patch things up ,your son will be able to tell him and ask him why and he will have no answer to his son's question except he just did'nt. your son will know then and he will be able to get over the hurt his Dad caused him when he was a child. you just do things with your son take him to ballgames, the movies, whatever he is interested in and he will love you for it. you will have created a bound with your son that no one can take away from him. Good Luck and God Bless.
2006-09-20 08:03:38 · answer #3 · answered by sunshinerosered1234 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When your son asks why, tell him you do not know. Don't take out your frustrations with dad in front of your son. Think of dad as a person your son loves, and remind yourself of that before you make any comments to him. Most important, remind yourself that it's not up to you to explain dad's behavior, whether in a good or bad light. Your best action, and the action your son needs most, is simply to love him, and when he asks why, tell him you don't know why dad does these things but you wish you could fix it, and wish dad had come. If you ever answer your son's question with, "Because your dad is a jerk!" or something along those lines, your son will just be angry at you, and ironically, that will take the focus away from being angry at dad. Just love him, and remember you can't fix this but you can help him through it.
2006-09-22 13:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by Mark L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy do I feel for you... I explained to my girl that her dad has a lot of things he is going through, and he's not making the best of choices... that sometimes people who are parents need time for themselves to figure out what to do next... I assured her that when he was really ready, he would be back around... I then forbid him from making promises, and told him I wasn't telling her anymore whne he said he was going to be there... if he showed up, it could be a pleasant surprise... Unfortunately he comes and goes so scarcely, that I had to stop him from seeing her... it broke her heart when he would show up for a visit and then disappear again for months at a time.I told him to establish a consistency in communication with her and then he could see her again. I feel like that bad guy too, but I also realize that I am just picking up the pieces that the real bad guy left behind. It's not your fault he acts this way, and when he is ready, he'll be a father again. Until then, just be the best mom you can, and remember... studies show that single moms who roughhouse and play with their children as a dad would do raise more content children with absent fathers. It's true, I read it in a parent magazine!!
I would also like to add, taht I tell my daughter of things I did with my dad when i was younger sometimes... and she has decided on her own tha dad isn't being a dad at all, and she has chosen not to speak to him... when she feels the need to communicate with him, she has me help her write a letter. Which we have done... but after she finished, she decided not to send it. She's very decisive on the issue, and she's only 6. I let her choose so that I am not the bad guy, and she feels like she has some form of understanding of the situation.
2006-09-20 06:58:46 · answer #5 · answered by WifeandMom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was a child, we went through the same problem. After months of not hearing from "Dad" we would call to say hi and we would get "I was just about to call you!" As we got older (10+) we realized that Dad was a jerk. Depending on how old the dad is, especially if he's under 35, it's easier to live a social life than worry about kids. I would tell your son that your dad is extremely busy lately and that he will come see you when his life gets less hectic. That way, you are not slamming DAD and the son might understand more that way. As he gets older, he'll get Dad's number.
2006-09-20 05:29:11 · answer #6 · answered by Marginality 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First try talking to his father and explain that it is hard on your son when he has to cancel so from now on please make arrangements with you for visitation, then don't tell your son. If he shows up GREAT! If not- no harm done. When your son asks about his father just explain that you have seperate lives and just like you are busy with things so is he- remind him that he loves him but sometimes he is just busy and it will be okay. Don't bad mouth him to your son but don't try to sugar coat it either. Just explain that he has a seperate life - eventually he will get used to not seeing him and if he isn't being made promise after promise it will eventually get easier. I have had to deal with the same thing. It is so hard to see your children hurt- but you cannot change his father's behavior. Just remind your son how much he means to you and make sure you spend a little extra time with him. Good Luck
2006-09-20 06:52:03 · answer #7 · answered by therealprinsess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about letting the dad speak to you about the arrangements instead of the child. You don't have to tell the child anything, just wait until he shows up. If he does, then he will be surprised, if he doesn't, then the child won't know the difference. I think that you are at fault for giving him false hope as well. If you already know how the dad is, why do you allow him to tell this to your son? Are you secretly wanting the child to see what an asshole of a dad he has? Seems that way to me. Leave your problems away from that child.
2006-09-20 07:18:26 · answer #8 · answered by tean 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Make his Dad tell him himself. Why should you have to be the bad guy. Make sure your son knows that he is the one that canceled. Make sure your son know you love him. When he cancels the next time, take your son for a fun day at the park or somewhere he really wants to go. Do something special with him so he knows he can always count on you and you will always be ther for him.
2006-09-20 05:27:24 · answer #9 · answered by dr's mom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just don't bad mouth the father in front of or to the child. I think that's the worst thing to do. Your son will realize it on his own someday. Just talk to the father and tell him that he's hurting his sons feelings (how old is your son?) Maybe explain the situation to your son when he's older? I'd definately talk to the father and make him try to keep his word to his son.
2006-09-20 05:25:31 · answer #10 · answered by jevic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You aren't the bad guy and soon your son will realize what is inevitable. I have been in a similar situation and it will work out, believe me. Just give him the love and attention that you would normally, don't over exaggerate when dad doesn't come thru...that isn't good either. He needs to learn it on his own. Then maybe you could talk to his dad and tell him that if he can't guarantee the visit, then don't even bring it up...sounds like a real winner to me!
2006-09-20 05:20:35 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋