My daughter is 5, and just started Kindergarten, but I am not positive if this is what is causing her crying. Last night she started bawling because she couldnt put one of her toys away like she wanted to. Then when it was time for bed she threw a tantrum over brushing her teeth. This morning, she fought with her dad over a jacket and threw a tantrum going into school making her late. However, she has been fighting with him every morning since she started school. She was in preschool for two years and I took her almost everyday but never had a problem with him taking her. She also says the boys want to play with her but they are yucky and only wants to play with girls. This is so strange because she has always loved everyone and been really easy to handle with change, even looking forward to change most of the time... any suggestions?!! I need help...I feel really horrible for her right now and don't know how to help.
2006-09-20 05:04:28 · 12 answers · asked by Hurray for the ANGELS! 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I do spank her when I know she is being defiant, but this is not the case. She has never cried over not being able to do something. She is getting at least 8 hours of sleep each night (maybe that is too little for her??), and i try to talk things out with her when I see that there is something else going on. I asked her about 15 or 20 questions last night about how the school is, how her friends are, is there anyone being mean. She says everything is fine... but I am going to talk to her teacher in the next couple of days...
2006-09-20 05:59:31 · update #1
we also let her pick out her own clothes, because i feel that she needs to develop her own sense of style, i just help her focus on what matches so she doesnt get made fun of... :)
2006-09-20 06:03:15 · update #2
I also spank--but that is not going to help here.
She is just going through a big social adjustment period. That is really what kindergarten is suppossed to be about. When I was there the only academic subjects were learning to get along with our neighbor and not talking out of turn. Nowdays there is an actual curriculum and parents even have private tutors.
I bring this up--because I think the social change and adjustment aspects are being ignored there.
My suggestion is not to sweat it too much. I would talk with your daughter--for example why she now hates boys (and I am sure it is because either her new gf's at school told her boys are stupid--or some of the boys have demonstrated the truth of this to her). What I am saying is open an dialouge and try to resolve some of these social issues for her--and then let her work them out.
It is possible you may wish to talk with the teacher about it.
And after it all settles down--you already know how to deal with ordinary tantrums, defiance and some of that stuff:)
2006-09-20 12:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by beckychr007 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had just about the same problem with my son. Kindergarten is a BIG change. It is everyday and it involves learning and meeting new friends. She sounds like she is having a hard time coping with so much change at once. Talk to her about what is bothering her. Don't overwhelm her with questions. She could also be feeling a loss of control in her life. If she doesn't want ot put a jacket on, don't worry about it. Just carry it. She'll decide it is too cold and put it on. As well, what I did with my son is I made a student control journal for him. Free printout on flylady.net. He has a morning routine, and afternoon routine and an evening routine. I drew a picture beside every step he needs to take to get to school and put it in a plastci sheet protector. He has a dry erase pen and after he finishes one thing, he gets to color the picture. At the end of the day he gets a sticker for finishing his routines. Eg. Morning routine. Get up, make bed , get dressed, come upstairs, have breakfast, put dish in sink, brush teeth, pack snack, watch cartoons or play with brother, get shoes and coat on, get backpack, go toschool.
His before bed includes getting clothes out for the next day. I even gave him a tomorrow drawer so he can put into it his clothes, including socks and underwear and a toy he would like to play with. He has a sense of control in his life and he is so proud at the end of the day when he get a sticker and can stick it on his binder. I found his behaviors hve almost disappeared. I also have to explain to him what we are doing right after school everyday before he goes. So there are no surprises. Good luck, I know how you feel it's completely heart breaking! She's just trying to figure out how to be a big girl in such a big world.
This is not a situation where spanking is an answer. Obviously other answerers missed the point. She is not misbehaving because she is being rotten. She is misbehaving because she does not understand how she is feeling.
2006-09-20 05:27:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
Well, 5 is a wild age for sure. Sounds like she has been going through a lot of changes.
Have you tried sitting down and talking to her face to face when she is not upset and you are not upset?
Have you asked her teachers how she is at school? Is she having melt downs there as well? Is she doing her work or is she disruptive? That stuff...
If you try everything to locate a cause for any of it and nothing is found ...
And it keeps going on.....
You may want to have your physician take a look just to be certain there is nothing medical contrtibuting to any of it...
Have there been any other changes in her life... familiy deaths, new babysitters, any other events that could have caused stress?
Something is bothering her, she may know what and she may not.
Periods of adjustment will come and go in her life and tantrum thowing is not an acceptable way for her to adjust... so I really think its more than that.
It may be part of it... but I would think there is something else going on.. Keep loooking..
Try not to make a big deal out of it and head thingsd off or redirect her if you see her winding up.... try to help keep her from getting in the habit of it until you can resolve it.
You say you feel bad for her... I understand ... but she needs you to be strong, its ok for you to be empathetic,.. understanding but dont baby her...
Let her know what you expect and see if you guys as a family can find a way to work it all out... She may only be 5,..but she has ideas and needs that are qute important to her.
Good Luck
Wismom
2006-09-20 05:56:27 · answer #3 · answered by Wismom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may take some time to figure this one out. I can't give you a clearcut answer. The first think I'm wondering is whether or not she is getting enough sleep. In my experience, this is the number one reason kids this age act up. Now, the acting up in the morning--typical, yet unacceptable. Make sure she has plenty of time to wake up and get ready and that your husband is not hurrying her out the door. You may want to put her on a morning schedule. The battle over the jacket is not worth it. Perhaps he could let her choose between 2 jackets. That way she'll fee in control. This will work in other instances also. Let her make choices. For example, At bed time ask her if she wants to put on her pjs, or brush her teeth first. That way she is feeling in control a little bit(but she really isnt.) Don't give too many choices, and don't let her bargain w/ you. Give her positive reinforcement.
Another technique that works great with kids this age is called the Premack principal. Reward her when she does what you want. "If you are in bed by 8 , then, I'll read you a story." Remind her when it's almost 8. If---then, if----then------this technique will work as long as you don't cave.
Now this one is hard to say, but she may be used to getting what she wants instantly. When my son was young, my doctor suggested that I use a delayed gratification method to control his behaviour. "If you behave in the supermarket. I'll let you get some candy" The idea is that you are making them wait, quite awhile to a five year old, and consider actions and consequences. Now, you can't go just giving her things when she demands them----"mom can i get this toy", "I need to ride the horse" etc....Try to use delayed gratification whenever you can. You may even want to delay rewards until the following day. As kids get older , you can delay them longer. Here's an idea,"if you go to bed without throwing a fit, I'll give you a surprise in the morning." Use your imagination.
Since she just started kg it may take some time to adjust. Some kids are slow to warm up, but since you say your daughter is usually excited about change this may not be what's going on.
I'm not sure about the boys grossing her out. Usually boys and girls play well together at that age. You may want to speak to her teacher about what's going on in the class. she may have heard that comment"boys are yucky" from another kid or even from television. Who knows!
This will pass , as long as you don't give up. parenting is one long road of figuring out how to fix things that arent right.
2006-09-20 05:36:20 · answer #4 · answered by gerber baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me as if she is having a problem with mabee the fact that mommy isn't taking her to school anymore and probley isn't feeling the security she's used too! (Causing her to rebel ) If her tantrums are continuing even after she's at home and settled; there's some reason for her behavior, try talking to her and asking her if she might be feeling a little angry at mommy for something! ( She's old enough to speak how she sees things ) Mabee ask her teachers at school if her behavior is the same at school! Go from there and if nothing else seems to work, I'd mabee talk to your pediatrition or family doctor, who knows! ADHD makes them act out and act abnormally when frustrated due to academics! GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-20 05:24:12 · answer #5 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Starting Kinder is a big deal..I'm not sure if she is doing half day or full day but if she's doing full day it could be very likely that she's just dog tired and needs more sleep at night.
Both of my kids, who have been through kindergarten, actually started taking small naps (even after being "nap free" for 2 years) after school because kinder wiped them out so much.
And as all moms know... tired kid = whiney/bratty/annoying kid
GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-20 05:13:14 · answer #6 · answered by ChemGeek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AS MUCH AS PEOPLE DISAGREE I STILL BELIEVE IN SPANKING A CHILD MY MOTHER HAD TO SPANK ME MAYBE TWICE AFTER THAT KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TIME IT WAS. THE NEXT TIME SHE TRIES THAT MESS SPANK HER AND TELL HER WHY SHE'S GETTING A SPANKING AND LET HER KNOW THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU EMBARRASS ME, I EMBARRASS YOU! I GUARANTEE YOU'LL ONLY HAVE TO DO IT TWO MAYBE THREE TIMES. AND SPANKING ISN'T BEATING OR KILLING THE CHILD JUST A FEW POPS ON HER BEHIND. YOUR THE PARENT AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO BACK AND FORTH WITH YOUR CHILD YOU MAKE THE DECISIONS THAT'S WHY YOUR THE PARENT. PEOPLE NOW DAYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRAW THAT LINE AND THAT'S WHY THESE KIDS DO WHAT EVER THE H*LL THEY WANT. BEFORE YOU SPANK HER SIT HER DOWN AND ASK HER WHY DOES SHE THROW THESE TANTRUMS BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME THERE FOR ATTENTION. IF SHE ACTS UP AND DECIDES SHE'S GONNA DO WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO THEN GIVE HER THEN ATTENTION SHE SO GREATLY CRAVES SPANK THAT BUTT
2006-09-20 05:20:44 · answer #7 · answered by sky g 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your not alone in the battle right now. My second to youngest just started Booster kindergarten. He never went to preschool because we couldn't afforde it or we didn't meet their requirements. We did get invovled with the PAT(Parents as Teachers) and I take him and bring him home everyday. Some of the other parents in pat say it is they are going through that stage of I don't want to grow up but I do want to grow up. I hope you the best of luck getting through it. Oh yeah they say it gets easier with each kid you have yeah right.
2006-09-20 06:05:33 · answer #8 · answered by johnvarelman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, it's another big step for her. She may be a little stressed out and needs some adjustment. Change of environment, new teacher, new playmates, and possibly a lack of rest could all be playing a part.
It's only been two weeks! Be patient. She'll come around.
2006-09-20 05:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by Doug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called GROWING UP and NOT wanting to...lol She is hanging out with different kids and attitudes now that she is in Kindergarten...It's not easy being 5..hang in there and stick to your rules and she will get thru it...My son went thru this last year.
2006-09-20 05:13:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋