My parents are going through a messy divorce that has been going on a long time. I got engaged November 2005, and I waited a while to set the date so they could figure things out. The date of the wedding is October 14, 2007. I thought that would give them enough time, but it seems like this is the never ending divorce. They are not coming to a decision on splitting their money and I am afraid this will effect the wedding. The agreed to split the costs of the wedding, but my mom doesn't know a lot about money- so I have a feel me and my fiance will end up paying the other half. I would be content going to the court house, but I don't want to regret it. I want a nice wedding, but without the conflict! Any ideas?
2006-09-20 04:50:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just to note we already have a deposit on a place. I would be content going away with a few close friends and getting married. My fiance wants the wedding, so I have to compromise. I also don't want to regret it.
2006-09-20 04:57:30 · update #1
Also, the bigger problem is they agreed to pay for the wedding, but the amount of money they are paying for legal fees is crazy and they don't know what they can afford. I don't mind paying, but if I was paying I wouldn't of booked the place I booked. My parents want me to have a nice wedding at a nice place, so do I BUT if I was paying it wouldn't be at the same place. Me and my fiance just bought a home so we can't afford much...very confusing.
2006-09-20 05:07:43 · update #2
Suggest that you plan your wedding as if you didn't have any parential involvement and just make for a nice day. The fact they are going through a bad divorce should not sour them on their daughters happiness. If they would both like to help you with this special day that is great. If not then you'll just have to plan a little smaller and/or what you and your fiance can afford. Best of luck on your wedding.
2006-09-20 04:57:37 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are going to have to pay as much of this on your own as you can. You said you already booked the place so you can't really back out of that. What time is the wedding? Set the time of the wedding so people don't expect a big meal. Like 1:00 is a good time or even 2:00. Don't hire a caterer, have a small wedding, put together the flowers yourself (it's not that difficult)
Now, with your parents go to them separately since the divorce is still going on it is still raw and you probably don't want to go to them together just yet. Sit each of them down and say you said you would help but I don't expect for you to pay a lot because of the money situation but I would really appreciate it if you could come up with an estimate so I can do some figuring here. Then tell them that you love them but to get through this wedding you would really appreciate if they could try to be civil if they are together.
Good luck and congrats!!!
2006-09-20 05:37:25 · answer #2 · answered by glitter3317 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are all adults, so the way to solve this conflict is by talking things out like adults.
First of all I would get together with both your parents and tell them the following: The only reason I am here is because once upon a time you guys loved each other, and because of that love you brought me to this world. I know you guys don't have feelings for each other anymore but the result of your love still exists, I am here and I love you both dearly. For two years now I have waited for you guys to figure things out and get your divorce finalized so that I could start planning my wedding and now I must say the time has come for you guys to start thinking about me for a change. I am not trying to be rude or to forget my place, but seeing that you two cannot reach an agreement in all this time I have to tell you, ask you to please let me enjoy my moment, which is now, and that I can't do with this conflict still at hand.
I have looked up to you guys all my life, and I know you can get this settled, I don't want you to think I am being selfish but I do need to feel your support in the process I am going through, and if I am to plan a wedding I need to know I count on both of you or that I don't, in which case I need to plan what I want to do on my own and how to do it.
Talking has always seemed to help in my case, if you acknowledge them and their place in your life they are sure to understand your point.
Good luck, as for the wedding plans, take it easy and enjoy them, because time goes real fast when you are planning a wedding, and the wedding itself goes a lot faster, so stop once in a while and take your time to appreciate everything and everyone involved in the process.
2006-09-20 05:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by White 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Plan your wedding as though you're getting nothing from your parents. IMO, as long as you aren't 22 or younger, you should pay for your own wedding anyway.
You still have a year to go, so start saving. OK, so you have a more expensive venue than if you'd have planned to pay for it yourself - sucks to be you. Scale down on other things. Cut down the guest list a bit. Don't have an expensive dinner, have an cash bar instead of an open bar. Don't have so many flowers and centerpieces. Make your decorations. There are all sorts of things you can do to save money on a wedding.
2006-09-20 09:13:30 · answer #4 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with both of them and find out how much they are going to pay. It should be decided by now, the day is soon coming!!!!!
Ask them for the money now and save it or pay for things up front. I just got married this summer and paid for some things in full two years ago to make sure I would have the money!
Divorce is tough, but they need to put that aside for your big day. They need to stop fighting and realize they have a child together and they need to be civilized for you. (what happens when grandchildren come?) I am actually having this problem (or had) with my in-laws. I had seperate b-day parties for the kids so they both could come. I decided this year that they need to grow up and understand that because they had kids together they will have to share some responsibilities for the rest of their lives !!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-20 08:51:47 · answer #5 · answered by butterfliesbrown 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit your parents down separately and have a little chat about wedding distress because of overwhelming details, etc... slip in the divorce somewhere. Make them feel guilty a bit so they can talk and agree on easing it up a bit for your special day. This won't resolve the root of the problem though. they are the only ones that can realize the problems they are causing to their love ones.
2006-09-20 05:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. I got divorced 13 years ago. We still go to court once a year for something. Divorce from hell. ANyway. Due to circumstances leading to the divorce, I cannot stand to be in the same room as the man. WHen my son was engaged and planning a wedding he had the same concerns. My answer to him was that there will be a few times in their lives where we will have to put our feelings aside for the kids. Their graduations, weddings, grandkids birthdays..... Well the wedding didnt happen, still trying to figure that one out, but dad opted not to go. Which hurt my son and his fiance', but they realized that was his choice and they went on with planning. Graduations, dad didnt go to either one. Grandbaby birth.....her parents (divorced) were both in the room for the birth and so was I. But again no dad. So you focus on your day because thats what it is. Ya'lls moment to shine.Dont let them bring your love to their level. and let them know there will be no ill feelings on your day and if they dont feel they can behave as adults, they need to stay home.
2006-09-20 05:00:35 · answer #7 · answered by rwdycwgrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With all this going on, pay for your own wedding and be satisfied with what you can afford. If either set of parents want to kick some in, fine. This will save your sanity and theirs. You should not have financially committed to a house before you got married - so you made this bed for yourself!
2006-09-20 06:55:28 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Elope! Fly to Vegas and book a nice chapel. There are some very nice wedding ceremonies available. Even some of the hotels have wedding packages.
2006-09-20 04:55:33 · answer #9 · answered by eehco 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with both of your parents and talk to them. It doesn't have to be together. Discuss your feelings. Maybe you can suggest that you and your fiancee could pay for certain things so it all doesn't fall on to your parents. Just remember that it's a special day and that no matter how much money was spent that you will have married your true love.
2006-09-20 05:43:42 · answer #10 · answered by LJ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋