I dont have any children of my own but my boyfriend has a 10 year old boy who is an angel when he is with us but as soon as he goes back to his mother or in school he mis behaves alot. we tryed everything, we took away everything that he likes to do, all his toys, and my boyfried even spanked him and still nothing seems to be working. We dont knoiw what else to do because it doesnt seems to hurt him that fact that he cannot do anything fun when he is punished. My boyfried is a really good dad to him, he spends a lot of time with him. Please help
2006-09-20 04:36:58 · 7 answers · asked by Angel Eyes 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Talk to his mother and his school . Find out how he acts up or misbehaves and then sit him down and talk to him about why he is doing this . Maybe you all are giving him the attention he needs and his mother may not be.Maybe she has other things that take priority over him and he sees that.Spanking is not always the answer of course,but sounds like to me he is craving the attention from his mother that you all seem to be giving him. Good luck and I hope this helps.
2006-09-20 04:44:04 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 10 years old, he's probably testing his boundaries, which are likely very confusing at his age, and not living with both parents. I am divorced and my son went through quite a time when he was 10. I have custody and he acts up at home or school, but never with his dad who he sees every other weekend. But at home and school he doesn't get the individual attention he gets with his dad. And he doesn't understand that if he lived with his dad, it would be different also, like he'd have chores and responsibilities and everyday boring stuff like at home and school, and wouldn't be going to movies or doing fun stuff every weekend. The two different worlds are confusing, and of course he likes the world with his dad because it's like a mini vacation. But home and school is the reality and he just rebels against it. Your boyfriends son is probably just going through the same thing, trying to figure out his different worlds. I wouldn't necessarily discipline too much, but try to talk about it, if it's too bad even get a counselor. Having parents that don't live together is very hard on kids, hard to understand (they don't understand the circumstances as it's adult stuff), they sometimes just think the easy answer is for the other parent to just come back home, they don't understand why that isn't possible because in their world it would work. Anyway, it sounds like he's trying to get attention or rebelling against the lifestyle. He'll be okay, but just needs a little help getting through it. He also might feel guilty about the way he feels towards one parent or the other and maybe feels he should be punished. Kids are really bad about thinking they're at fault about things. Keep being a good dad and girlfriend, and just do the best you can.
2006-09-20 11:46:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The punishment doesn't seem to be working because it isn't. I don't remember where, but a year or so ago, I read that studies show that punishment does not deter a child from bisbehaving. Infact, the best way to get a child to do the right kind of things is by possitive reinforcement. Your boyfriend is obviously a good dad, not only is he good enough to get his son to obey him, he is also working together with his ex for his son's best interest. The issue here isn't just that the boy is acting out. The bigger issue is WHY is he acting out. WHY is he so well behaved with you and your boyfriend, but not not with his mother and/or teachers?
I grew up in a broken home as vwell. Just like this little boy, I was very fortunate to have a wonderful father and a good mother. My parents did not enjoy being around each other, but they did always come together to raise me and my sister. I was much like this child. I was good with my dad, and a brat with my mom. I have many theroies on this. One of them is because I knew my dad's limits, I knew what was expected of me, and my dad didn't make empty threats. If I was doing something and my dad told me to stop, I stopped. With my mom, I'd laugh at her and continue doing it. The reason was because I knew my dad would punish me, where my mom would eventually give in. I don't mean to knock on this child's mom, but good parenting cannot be done by those who are lazy. It was much easier for my mom to ignore my bad behavior, yell at me, or send me to her room than it was for my dad to show me EVERYDAY and EVERYTIME what was expected.
Your boyfriend is doing his job. His ex is on the right path of doing hers, but I suspect that she is a pushover like my mom was. Your boyfriend needs to work with his ex with being a little more firm.
2006-09-20 15:47:11 · answer #3 · answered by Sera B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like an attention issue...he is good with y'all because he gets the attention he needs from his father...maybe your boyfriend and the child's mother should have a talk about his behavior and conference with the teacher. Find ways to reward him for doing good and be consistent with punishment...no matter whos house he is at.
2006-09-20 11:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My stepson was like that. I think he just needed attention his dad cuz now that he lives with us and he sees his dad a lot more his behavior away from home has improved. But, just like your boyfriends son he is no problem with us behavior wise. Boys need there father and sometimes visits are not enough, assuming he is living with his mother.
2006-09-20 11:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by Coco 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lil boy is boyish.. but afraid of you and your boy friend.
bit.. simple.. keep giving him small gifts for his better behaviour.
appreciate when does good.. and never wack...him,.. only if love can change anyone..
2006-09-20 11:40:12 · answer #6 · answered by juljulabie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time for Dr. Phil
2006-09-20 11:44:23 · answer #7 · answered by sassiest_princess 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋