I am dating a woman(shes 26) who at one time was addicted to meth, has two kids from 2 different dads, was abused by her past boyfriend, dropped out of high school not to mention other things. What i see (and only ever knew of her) she does nothing but go to college (she went back and finished high school) and plays and works with her 2 kids. She seems like a person who would never have done the things she said she had done. My question is can somebody really change that much and remain that way forever? I have asked her if she will ever go back to the way she used to be she tells me hell no. But it always sits in the back of my mind can somebody really change that much for good?
2006-09-20 04:34:46 · 16 answers · asked by LT. DAN 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okay- I'm disappointed that her support system (you) doubt her.
If you have these feelings, its about "you" not her and perhaps this is "too much" for you to deal with and perhaps she is not right for you. Every person has "baggage", just some are honest about it.
What an incredible woman, it looks like a lifetime of challenges have been a catalyst for change! What a great mother, living by example: family first and education is the best way to "Rise above". What a great girlfriend to "tell you and trust you" after all those "Concerns" were shared with you to help you understand "why" she is "WHO" she is and the huge importance to remain on track and encouragement that is needed to continue in a healthy and happy relationship.
The real question is~ Can YOU accept and love unconditionally in this relationship? Her "Truth" and history is not a tool for manipulation and reservation to suit your needs.
I would recommend you talk to a professional to get some "tools" to help you deal with this situation or maybe this is just not the "Right" person for you. Because of you- not her. Realize that.
She will appreciate the "truth" about your concerns, since you have never "walked" in those shoes and most likely will work out if this is the person you love. You can't image how hard it is to find a man you can trust with yourself and in this case your children's lives as well.
You will have to be the "Best" you can be, for this relationship, you will be tested time and time again. That is a truth in all relationships.
The best foundation is a good set of tools and trust, I recommend PAIRS international. Its a interpersonal communication therapy for singles or couples covering everything (good & bad) from Parents, Relationship, Death and Sex. Good luck!
2006-09-20 05:25:41 · answer #1 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The biggest thing here is she was an addict....she IS an addict...because the chance of falling off the wagon will be with her for the rest of her life. I use to love an addict and It was hard and nerve racking...All I can tell you is to judge her as she is NOW. She may very well never use drugs again...you just never know....but how is that different from getting involved with a woman who has no kids and never been addicted or abused. You never know what could happen...UNLESS you give it a chance. G'luck!
2006-09-20 04:40:12 · answer #2 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, people that are addicted to drugs do and say things when they are on drugs that they wouldn't normally do. Ask how long she has been clean and if she is going to any meetings? The only way that addicts can stay clean is if they have support from other people that can realte to them and help them in their recovery. It is completly possible that she experimented and now she is done with that phase of her life because she saw the damage that the drugs did before it was to late. Addicts can reamin clean and never use again if their bottom was low enough for them. Ultimatley she has to be the one to decide that she wants to be clean for her and no one else.
2006-09-20 04:40:45 · answer #3 · answered by twopastmidnight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It IS possible to change (look at all the people who find religion while in prison and go on to be upstanding, socially conscious citizens upon release); but bear in mind that some horrible trauma might push her in the wrong direction.
It sounds to me that she's found reasons to live (her kids), and she's doing all that she can to make up for screwing up her life so badly when she was younger.
You need to not dwell so much on the past and look more toward the future. If she knows she's got someone to love her and depend upon if things get tough, she may be less likely to do something self-destructive.
2006-09-20 04:39:47 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she was pretty messed up, but with her going back to school and working plus taking care of her kids ...shes turned things around for the better. An addiction is a life long issue but with support and an open partner who care for her im sure she will stick to the best plan.
2006-09-20 04:39:44 · answer #5 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has already changed from that, it's possible the changes are to stay. The saying that people never change typically means that the problems they have with you when you meet them will likely not change or be solved. It sounds like she took the time to learn from her mistakes and become a better person. Only time will tell and you'll have to choose to trust her and go forward or not.
2006-09-20 04:39:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually people change and its possible she's really changed.
but u know wot they say a stitch in time saves nine.
she's had 2 diff kids for 2 diff dadas. i am sure u dont want to be dada number 3 with kid number 3.
u have to sit down and have a frank talk with her... and u really have to watch her before u think so much about getting committed to her.
i sense a bit of instability in her inspite of how astute she appears...
i bet you husband number one and husband number 2 felt the same way u feel now(about her being like a saint and all), but u know the rest...
just tread softly ok?
all the best...
2006-09-20 05:07:59 · answer #7 · answered by Rare Gem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may not have changed per say but she has a shift in her priorites obviously now she has kids, you, and a life she wants to work on. Just as long as those priorties dont change give her a chance. It could turn out to be the time of ur life.
2006-09-20 04:45:23 · answer #8 · answered by Need Much Help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can change. It happens all the time. Can they mess up again yes they can. Why? Because we are human. The key is not to focus on her past but to focus on your relationship now and do all you can to help her walk the right path. Know this though, if she wants to go back to that way there is nothing you can do about it. You need to focus on yourself and do what YOU can do to nurture your relationship. Hope this helps. Best wishes.
2006-09-20 04:39:33 · answer #9 · answered by mtv8r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she will never change. On the outside she may appear one way to you, but on the inside she is the same person she has and always will be. Sorry if it seems rude, but you need to cut your ties with her now before it's too late. It's better to end it now so no one really gets that hurt.
2006-09-20 04:41:36 · answer #10 · answered by lrigoidar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋