Advice on dealing with my mother- (I'm an adult.) ?

Question

I need a different perspective on my relationship with my mother.

I'm an adult, colege graduate, and I am staying with my mom for the next few months until my temporary job assignment is over. At the moment, I cannot afford to live anywhere else. However, my mother would very much like me to stay and live with her forever, if she had her way. Whenever I mention that I'm saving money to move out, she'll ask to borrow money from me. If I even mention moving out at all, she gets mad at me and changes the subject. I would like to experience life as an adult, but she seems to want me to stay a kid forever. I'm her youngest, but my siblings live reasonably close by and she is raising her grandchildren (my sister's kids), so she can't be that lonely. It's frustrating too, because she never has any money, but expects me to spend what little I make on taking her out to eat or whatever. We fight constantly about stupid things, really and I'm counting down to I move out... any advice?

*college graduate! LOL.

She has my nieces, so she won't be left alone in the house when I do move out.

I've also asked for her to take care of my dog when I move out - in case I can't have it in my apartment, but I would still pay for the food, etc. and my nieces can help too. I'll definitely take her if I find somewhere to live that accepts dogs. Anyway, she told me that I would have to take my dog to the pound if I leave - even though my mom loves my dog too. She's doing everything she can to make me stay there.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are equally as dependent.You are searching for her approval.Why discuss moving out ahead of time.You know it leads to confrontation.If your mother needs money and you are living in her home as an adult you should be paying your fair share of the expenses.Keep quiet about the subject,save the money you need.When financially able,find an apartment and move out. I wouldn't provoke your mother to much along the way,remember she is your mom,and you might need her sooner than later.

Answer 2

Be firm. Tell her:

1) It's your money, you earned it yourself and she needs to find other ways of getting money. She could sell Avon or Mary-Kay, or do Pampered Chef stuff. They make money and do stuff from home, but yes they do have the parties too.
2) You love her, but you need to be able to experience life for yourself as an independent person. You cannot experience new things if she won't let you go. Besides, it's not like you'll be far away, right? You can always visit her.
3) That you're not her only kid and that she should spend more time with your siblings
4) She's not lonely if she's got them and her grandchildren to take care of
5) That if you do get married to somebody in the future, you'll have to move out anyways, but you'd rather live alone for a while and enjoy life the way you want to so you'll move out when you get the chance.
6) It will teach you how to survive in the world
7) Ask her why she let your siblings move out

I wonder, are you her "baby" (meaning the child she's always doing everything for and favored)? Is that why she won't let you out?

Answer 3

Datz ur money u need 2 keep it 4 what u gotta do and if she don't lyk it oh well. U grown itz time 4 u 2b a woman and if it hurts hu 2 badd.

Answer 4

As you said you are an Adult. Don't feel bad when that time comes to move. Just do it!
Your mom is holding to something that she thinks she will lose if you are away. Let her know you feelings. Let her know no matter where you lay your head she will always be your Mom and will always need her.

Answer 5

of course any mom want to hang on to the youngest of the bunch. my little boy is 8 and i still treat him like he is 4. once you are gone she has no one to look after. being a mother that is only natural.she feels she is being abandoned by all her little chicks and she will not know what to do with herself after you are gone. look at it this way: let her have her way just for a while, let her take care of you, when she is gone, you will wish you had that time back.

Answer 6

OMG...you have MY mother!!!...
Tell her you are cooking for that is less expensive than going out and you are saving to get your own place....and stand your ground...you are a grown woman...now it is time to mature....she will not like it at first...but later...she will be very proud of your accomplishments...MINE DID and she had a hold on me too....smiles

Answer 7

You're going to have to stand up to her and say no, you don't have any money to loan or give away. If she starts in, remember every penny you save is going to get you your own place.

Answer 8

GO live with a sibling, mom will never let you leave.