i av been with my partner 8 1/2 yrs been engaged just under 8 i really want get married but every time i bring it up he changes the conversation or says we cant afford it help plz any ideas we even av a 6 yr old child together and i want us all to be a proper family
2006-09-20 04:07:18 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If all you care about is being married, tell him to get married at the county courthouse is really cheap. Under 50 bucks I believe. ANYone can afford that!
2006-09-20 04:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people seem to think that marriage is just a piece of paper. Marriage give you spousal rights (such as if either of you were in the hospital in a situation where only family could visit) or if one of you dies or falls ill. It is also a good example for your child.
I was in the exact same situation for 9 years. I ended up leaving him and later finding out he never wanted to get married, he was content with a girlfriend/housemate for life. I now have a wedding in the works and am in the best relationship of my life.
You two need to have a serious talk. A marriage does not have to cost all that much if you do it right. If you wait until you can afford it, it will never happen. There is always something else to spend that money on.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-20 04:21:00 · answer #2 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First if you are both male then I don't approve of this: but if not then sit him down and say we really need to talk about this because it is really important to me. Tell him that you want to get married that it has been 8 1/2 years and you want to be a real family. Make it clear that you don't have to have a huge wedding just a simple outdoor or indoor wedding will do. Just a few friends and family. This way it will keep the cost down. Or you can just go to the Justice of Peace.
2006-09-20 05:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by glitter3317 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it the marriage you want or the wedding? If it's the marriage, have a destination wedding. Depending on where you live, you can go to a lot of places like Colorado, Tennessee, Vegas, Florida. Invite people, but don't pay for them. Many places like that have everything you need, including rental of the bridal gown and tux. You don't have to go all out. My hubby and I are having a wedding in the Smoky Mtns for $1200, which includes the flowers and 3 nights in a cabin.
If every time you bring it up, you get blown off, your partner probably doesn't want to be married, and you may want to move on, or accept that you will never be "proper."
2006-09-20 04:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by Another Nickname 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your partner keeps pushing it off I think it's time to have a serious sit down. Don't be afraid to communicate. I know it sounds corny but Communication is the Key to a Great Relationship. Let him know how you are feeling. Be sure not to attack him when you communicate. Just let him know that you are excited at the thought of being with him forever and really would like to discuss continuing the wedding plans. If he starts up with the "I can't afford it" stuff again. Ask him how much he thinks he's going to have to afford. It really shouldn't be about money. At the same time if that is genuinely his concern, that is very sweet of him but again you both just need to sit down and talk about it. Just get it all out on the table. Remember to keep it in a tone of concern and love not attacking. Good Luck!
2006-09-20 05:09:15 · answer #5 · answered by Julie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really understand all the fuss about marriage myself, as it is not something I'd want to do. However, I can understand that you want a traditional family unit, but really I would guess that what you want to know is if this bloke is really truly committed to you?!
Speaking as a girl who is not constrained either by religious beliefs or dreams of big white weddings, my unbiased advice to you would be to have a proper discussion with this bloke, where you have to stand your ground and not take pathetic excuses. However, once you've got him talking you have to listen to him too and his reasons - maybe they are valid - and not get angry. Also, he genuinely might not realise how important marriage is to you!
You also have to consider the harsh truth that he may not love you enough to marry you. Maybe he doesn't envisage spending the rest of his life with you? I hate to say this but in my experience men seem to get married pretty bloody quickly when they really want too!!
All in all you must talk to you partner, stay calm, cool and collected and make him see how much this means to you. You just really need to get to the truth! Of course this can turn out good or bad. If it does turn out bad- which I truly hope it doesn't as you have a child- then at least you know and can move on with your life. If it's good then Yippee! and I hope you have a happy life; wedding or no wedding!
2006-09-20 07:33:02 · answer #6 · answered by Missi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that your "partner" is not ready. And it's already not a proper family wither you were married or not. Unfortunately we still live in a society that looks down on gay marriages. Maybe he is afraid of the ridicule. Tell him that if after 8 years he's not use to the looks or comments made by closed minded ppl then he'll never be ready. I wish you luck and you'll find away to tie the knot, just give him time.
2006-09-20 04:16:37 · answer #7 · answered by Victoria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is ... "Why?"
You seem to have a settled existence together and regardless of the cost (what's wrong with taking a holiday and getting married on the beach?) or the fact that you have a child and you want to be a "proper family" why change things just for a piece of paper and maybe a couple of gold rings?
What happens if it all changes because of the paper and rings?
Leave well alone, enjoy your life together and don't bother with the legal thing!
2006-09-20 04:12:40 · answer #8 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wonder if the fact that you still live at home is holding him back. Will he have to live with your parents too, or does he have his own place? If it is the former I would suggest that you look for a place to live together first, but if it is the latter I reckon he just likes the way things are at the moment. Sorry to say but I don't think, after 8 odd years together this guy actually wants to get married.
2006-09-20 04:27:32 · answer #9 · answered by Steve O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married doesn't have to cost a lot. You can have a ceremony at the courthouse, in the park, or fly to vegas and have a nice family wedding. It sounds like he might not want to do it. Talk to him. Tell him everytime you bring up marriage he changes the conversation or makes up excuses. Let him know you are wondering if he really ever wants to get married.
2006-09-20 04:59:25 · answer #10 · answered by eehco 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋