I'm the daughter...I'm in my mid thirties, have one beautiful, wonderful son and have lots of heartache over my mother. It's only gotten worse since I've become a mother. I have tried to "fix" the relationship, but it only lasts until the next betrayal or act of cruelty on her part. I have basically given up over the last couple of years, and my life is better for it, but how do you cope with the heart strings?
Basically, her relationship with me is kinda like she sees me as an acquaintance that she's jealous of and loves to critcize and gossip about. Team up with my sister-in-law who is very much just like her.
She never wanted to be a mother like her own mother, but she managed to be like her anyway. Now, I'm a mom...and I don't get it! How can you NOT adore your own child? Support them. Love them. Nuture them. Help them build self-love, confidence, all that stuff!!!
2006-09-20 03:56:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My mother is so the same as yours and it's frustrating and confusing. She loves to gossip with my sisters about me, but then she also gossips about them. She always bitches about stupid things behind our backs but never to our faces. My mom plays favorites, which jumps from one kid or grandkid to the next within a moments notice - confusing. But then you can end up on her "**** list" with no warning either. I've gotten to where I just talk about simple things like the weather, etc. to keep from giving her any "ammunition", and I keep her at arms length. I doubt she realizes she's this way, and it's easier to just not deal with it, she'd never see herself any other way than perfect. Frustrating. Sorry, I don't have any advice, just been there.
2006-09-20 04:01:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. I know just how you feel. I have had the same on again/off again with my own mother all of my life. Things go okay for a little while and then the bottom falls out. I agree with you regarding how she can shun her own child. I have two boys of my own and have sworn I will never treat them as I have been treated.
The best you can do is do your best. You have made the effort to be a part of her life. You can't change her sadly. Just know that you tried you best and in the end you will have a clear conscience.
I had pretty much done the same, just given up on our relationship and the stress level went down so much but you still long to have the relationship that you should. Sadly in my case my mother had a stroke 5 years ago and is now like a 2 year old. I have heard I love you from her now more than I did when she was healthy. It isn't the same though, you know?
Best of luck to you. You seem like a great daughter. Your mother is the one missing out on you and her grandson.
2006-09-20 04:09:01 · answer #2 · answered by bonjovigroupie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does make it difficult. Every 2nd night my mother will call me, and is so negative towards me and my 3 sisters. She is a pessimist, who gets great joy out of creating drama. Like you, I am in my mid thirties, and love children. I too don't understand why everyone doesn't feel the same. The best way I can deal with her is to block her off, not let her poisonous words and nasty temper have any impact on who I am or how I wish to live my life.
You sound like a wonderful person and a great mom, And you have all the ingredients for your sons life to be a happy and secure one. Just focus on YOUR family now, you have so much to give, there is no point wasting it on family that don't appreciate it.
2006-09-20 04:11:17 · answer #3 · answered by ang_172 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is in her late 40's and I'm in my early 30's YEs she had me at 15. She has 4 other children, my brothers....I don't think she had the tools to be a good mother, therefore I no longer blame her for the things she did. She and I are working on our relationship now... but the trust thing is nowhere in the future...give it time try to talk to her let her know how you feel . In time maybe she'll come around. If not well just know that you have a perfect example of a mother you don't want to become like.
2006-09-20 04:03:02 · answer #4 · answered by Boo Boo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom is not cruel or mean, she just acts like I'm from outer space or something. My sister is like a replica of my mom, dose everything my mom wishes and my mom adores her. I am left out of a lot of family things and have been looked down upon and blamed for a lot of things. I have been talked about amongst them and lied about. I heard through from a mutual friend that they once said they were jealous of certain things in my life and about me. Not things like money (I don't have a lot) or possessions, but how I do what I what and get what I want out of life.
I've learned to just see them once in a while and ignore all the rest. I just live my life as I choose and, even though I wish it were different, I've accepted it. My life is really nice and I'm happy being me, I guess that's what matters.
I wish the best to everyone who posted. I know what its like to live without the mother/daughter bond, especially when you see your siblings having it with her.
2006-09-20 04:03:52 · answer #5 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for you and your child....
I am a mother with a 23 year old daughter, who has a beautiful 4 year old son. He is the light of my life and right now, I share custody of him with his father. They are divorced, and she is in jail. A couple years ago, she started doing things that just weren't like her. From day one, she was a wonderful mother to her son, she got divorced and her and the baby moved home. I loved having him there, but I wont say we didn't butt heads on how to take care of him. But all in all, it was good. But, as I said, she changed. She decided she needed the money in my bank account more than I did, and emptied it within a matter of days. The day I found out about it, she had left state with the baby. I found her and took him, then had her arrested. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. When she got out of jail, she seemed sorry and wanted things to go back to the way they were. Again, they lived at home with me and her stepdad and little brother. Then the lies started, she was partying, staying out all night and either dragging the baby with her or leaving him with anyone who would keep him. I found out about it and warned her that I wont let it keep happening. She said he is mine....and I'll do whatever I want to. She was now 21. Then one day, her aunt called me, my daughter and her cousin had stole a checkbook, and wrote numerous checks, they had been caught and were in jail. I needed to go get the baby. She got out on bail, left town, moved in with a man that was the same age as I am and acted like she didn't have a child. I then had to have a hysterectomy, I had cervical cancer, I couldnt take care of my grandson alone for a long time now. His father and I went to court, and petitioned to have custody removed from her, for his saftey. She is now in jail, on a 2 year term...I visit every other weekend. I don't take the baby to see her, I think he needs to remember Mommy they way she was, not from behind a glass window. She has made promises and plans, but in my heart, I don't think she has changed. I wish you the best of luck. All you can do, is accept that your mother made her choice, and she will be the one to regret it in the end. You have a beautiful child that needs you. And pray that one day, things will change. Be strong...I will say a prayer for you.
2006-09-20 04:17:33 · answer #6 · answered by lisa46151 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good question! I have a horrible relationship with my mother (for which everyone that knows us will verify) but a great relationship with my daughter. My mom has a great relationship with my daughter to an extreme, even admits to "spoiling" her. I don't get it.
2006-09-20 04:02:46 · answer #7 · answered by OOO! I know! I know! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is sad but at least you have taken yourself out of that situation and if I were you I'd keep it that way. You don't want your son to see someone disrespect you like that. Just love your son and the cycle is now broken.
2006-09-20 04:01:14 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Present your mother a Bible on her next birthday and marks Galatians 5:22. Try to fast and pray to God for her life for 3 days!
2006-09-20 04:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by Dogman 61 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i understand where you coming from, i have the same problem with my mom. i have figered out that just dealing with 1 time a year is enough, i let her see how well im doing with out her, what she is missing, and that nothing she sais can hurt me any more couse i have childern and i would never do the things she did,
kill her with kindness when she's around, it will drive her nuts.
2006-09-20 04:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋