This is are first deployment and I was just wondering. I've been told that many husbands change while they are other there. And the last time I talked to my husband I could tell in his voice that he's changed. Well, he wont be home tell March 2007. I've been wondering how I can deal with it when he gets home? What should I expect?
I love him very much and miss him very much!
2006-09-20 03:51:05 · 15 answers · asked by Proud Army Wife 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
hi there! my bf is in Iraq right now and in about 6 more weeks we will be done with our first deployment. The first thing i noticed is his change in his voice. it's much different then it is when he is home. He is happy when he calls and we joke around and stuff but its not the same happiness when he is home. Also when he came home from R&R he was much more aware of his surroundings. He seemed to be looking around more especially when we were in crowds like he was sizing everyone up,making sure no one had anything suspicous on them. Also his driving was a little off for the first few days cause he is used to driving the humvee. He has had a few nightmares over there but other than that he is fine. I read that most Post Tramatic Stress symptons dont start till later on maybe 3-6 months later. But not everyone has that. The most important thing to do is to write him letters at least once a week and send packages once a month. Try to talk to him on the internet as much as you can. Talking to you will keep his head straight. Make sure you send him lots of new pics. Also try to get a webcam. My bf has a computer program that lets him call me from the computer and i can call him the reception isnt always that good but its something. I think he does it through Yahoo (if you are interested let me kow and ill find out for sure). Stay strong and keep yourself busy. Please feel free to email and we will talk. Im always looking to meet new friends especially those who are in the military community since i am new to this and dont really know any other military gf or wives. I am also about to move close to base and 15 hours away from my hometown so that we can live together.
2006-09-20 04:15:49 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ missing a soldier in Iraq ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's gonna change...but so will you.It doesn't have to be a bad thing though. I know for my husband he had an issue with touching anyone for any reason. He wanted to be alone alot. He was also just really on edge, But as time went by and he had time to readjust he got better and we're back to pretty much the way we were before. You just have to try not to push too hard and let him talk to you about things without you saying anything. My husband tells me all the time he was glad that I'd just sit and listen (even when it was something that was really disturbing to me and I really didn't want to hear it) Oh and make sure for at least the first few weeks not to go to crowded places. My husband never said it bothered him but he'd start rubbing his hands together more and glancing around (he says now he'd gotten so used to looking for the enemy everywhere and having his weapon that it stressed him out)
Just be patient with him and his moods and it'll all work out! Good luck and hope this time flies by for you (it doesn't seem as bad when you look back on it once he's home)
2006-09-20 11:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey lady! My hubby is a Marine and i've been doing this for a few years now. First (when we were just dating) he left for bootcamp. Then he went to MOS school, then to Japan for two years. We got married when he got home from Japan and then he left for Cali, but I followed him out. We lived together about a month before he left for Iraq and he just go back home on Sept. 6th. He was only gone for 6 months, unlike the two years he spent in Japan, but this time was different. There's a lot more stress over there and of course the guys all share their horror stories about their wives cheating, so he may say a lot of stuff about you being unloyal or maybe not say anything at all, just keep it all in, which sucks worse, i think. My husband assured me before he left that he would be safe, but I read his journal when he came home and he's talked to me about some things and although where he was is safer than a lot of other places, he still saw sniper fire and heard and saw rockets shot at them... I love talking to other spouses, especially when he's gone, so maybe it will help you. You can talk to me anytime... go to my website and sign my guestbook... we can get in touch through e-mail or something.... http://www.freewebs.com/semperfi8487 Good luck!!!
2006-09-20 14:38:20 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a military wife. It's the hardest job in the military! I can tell you he will change. Depending on his job in the Army and his level of involvement in the war will determine how much he will change. If i Had to only give one piece of advice to you it would be:
Learn patient. If he ask to be alone, leave him alone, If you noticed something is bothering him but he don't want to talk about it, just tell him you understand and your there for him if he needs you. This lets him know he can count on you to be there and you understand him and this will make him closer to you. So many wives get upset with their husbands after war, they wont talk to me they say. and it leads to big fights a many divorces. Good Luck
2006-09-20 11:34:07 · answer #4 · answered by Victoria 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is just be patient and supportive. I was told the reason they change is because thier dayly life there is shooting whomever gets in the way, and in my husband's case, rolling the tank over whomever gets in their way. So, to relieve the stress they incure while dealing with all that, is your typical jiuvinile (?) sh!t, fart noises, sex jokes, sarcastic banter, and any other male comradare bonding banter, and for a whole year minimum too. So, it's gonna be a "habbit" he'll grow out of after being reexposed and reacostomed to american and family life. However, do draw the line and put your foot down when necessary. If he's just acting like a goofy child, just ignore him, but if he talks down to you a lot (being used to the whole chain of command thing) just politely remind him he is home now and with his family, not his military buddies, and to talk to you more respectfully, and if he still does it, just give him the silent treatment until he remembers (my mom said that when my dad made her mad, she'd do that and he cracked real easily cause he hated her being mad at him!). I constantly had to remind my hubby, even when he just came home from work, that i'm his wife not his army buddies and to stop talking to me like i'm stupid cause i can't understand what he's saying cause, DUH, i'm not in the army! GOOD LUCK!!
2006-09-26 02:49:42 · answer #5 · answered by afafae25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing that can happen to a military person is to be deployed and feel that there's nothing worth coming home to. I was overseas for 6 months, and I've just returned about four months ago. What got me through it was the fact that I knew my wife loves me very much and that once we were going to be together, it would be something very special.
By the way, tell him that you love him and miss him every chance you get!
2006-09-20 11:00:50 · answer #6 · answered by Nestor Q 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just know that the things that your husband is going through right now is something that he will never forget. Just be supportive. I actually had a friend that used to fight with her husband on the phone whenever he called from IRAQ. I could never understand that. Her husband is in a war. There is nothing THAT important that she needs to fight with him about. It was disgusting. I know that some bases have counseling for families of deployed soldiers. You should check it out and go to your FRG. Good Luck and remember that your husband is a Hero.
2006-09-20 11:11:38 · answer #7 · answered by TRUE PATRIOT 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know you said this was for military wives, but I served a year in Iraq when the war first started. I know I came back with a more mean demeanor and a more serious outlook on life. I would say support him 100% in everything you can do. If he needs to be alone, let him be. You have to realize he is keeping himself alive over there without anyones help stateside. I know I needed much time by myself to reflect and think about what happened over seas. He may want to talk about it he may not. Just be by his side in case he does. Hope I helped you and God Bless.
2006-09-20 10:55:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
yes, he will change, and yes it may take a while before he gets back to what he was before. yes, he may NEVER get that back.
I am assuming you are Army. The Rear Det should be hosting a workshop of sorts just before he comes back giving you some information on how to deal with things, including how to recognize PTSD. If there isn't one, check with the base's family Support Center. they should have something similar in place.
One thing you will need to draw heavily on is patience, even after he returns. It takes a while to get out of combat mode.. his feelings have been turned off for survival, and he may have a hard time showing affection at first when he gets back.
2006-09-20 11:23:49 · answer #9 · answered by Mrsjvb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We’ve just started our second tour. After the first one, it took my hubby a while to really get back to his usual self. It took a good 6-9 months before he started sleeping normal. You husband is going to have a different outlook on life. He will need you to support him, just let him know that you’re always there for him. Don’t pressure him into talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about. And believe me, as a wife-you don’t want to hear everything. Just let him know you’re always gonna be there for him no matter what. Let him do whatever it is that he needs to do to. Just support him all the way.
2006-09-25 11:47:10 · answer #10 · answered by DLicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋