I think my mother is undergoing the midlife crisis but I'm not sure.. She is only 46 years old. I can't help her much because I live 9 hours away from her due to work reasons. I want to help her. She feels like she doesn't have any use anymore and doesn't see the good side of life. She gets depressed suddenly.She wants to just be alone but we can't let that happen. The best support I can give is to just always call her after working hours. Kindly help me in this matter. Thank you.
Additional Details
My father also works two hours away from her so they only see each other during weekends. She wants to go with him but my father insists that she rather take care of my two brothers. She feels left out. I'd like to talk to my father sooner or later about this but I'm afraid he might take this lightly considering that he has also lots of things to do. My siblings are also living their own lives. Perhaps, what confuses me is the fact that we are all happy and very close as a family.
2006-09-20 03:38:27 · 14 answers · asked by jedi_rei 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Every good mother deserves a son as sweet as you. Calling her is good, but your mom has to pull herself together.
She could get a job or volunteer for some community service or go for some classes. Usually when a woman has given all her best years for her family not only does she get an empty nest in the end but she will also find that after all the sacrafice and dedication, she has few qualifications and no one is hiring staff her age. Hobbies, church, womens groups, helping out in the community will help her feel needed and help her self-esteem and ultimately, I hope, make her a little happier.
2006-09-20 03:52:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well not ALL of you are happy, now are we? How about Mom? Look,if she is like most women in society, she has given up her life for her kids and husband and put herself last in everything in her life for the past 35 years. Sure you're happy! Sure your siblings and father are happy! Mama has LOST HERSELF during these years working her as*s for the family! Do you get that? She is grieving cause she doesn't have a "job" anymore. Mom needs to get some counseling, go to a spa and get a job or do some volunteer work. Ask your mother what is it she always wanted to do before she married? You might be surprised! Then encourage to start toward those goals she had planned but left because of her family. It might take some time, but it's in the right direction. And your Dad needs to lighten up and help out too. If you siblings, why can't your mother go where ever he is during the week? What is going on with that? Godloveya!
2006-09-20 03:44:30 · answer #2 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If her problem doesn't stem from concern over her own mortality, unfulfilled dreams, or other things related to age, it's likely (as others above have said) that she's really suffering from depression. An article on the distinction is http://lifetwo.com/production/node/20060918-type-3-midlife-crisis-depression.
The best starting place to learn more about depression is at the US National Institute for Mental Health site here: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/depressionmenu.cfm. They recommend that someone suffering your mom's symptoms first see a family physician, who will check to see if she actually has a medical problem (some have the same symptoms as depression). Then your mom and her doctor should talk about the best next steps, which could be antidepressants, therapy, self-help, or a combination of the three.
Hope this helps.
2006-09-20 09:14:04 · answer #3 · answered by lifetwo_dot_com 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like she is suffering from 'empty nest' syndrome. Many mothers,especially stay at home mothers (non career), Live their lives taking care of their families. When the children all grow up and especially with the husband working away and not there, all of a sudden everything they have been living for, for the last 20 years or so, is gone. They feel totally lost, without direction and without purpose. Your father needs to be more understanding and everybody in the family needs to keep in constant contact of appreciation. You all need to encourage her to seek some goals. Maybe go back to school or start a business or find some Good hobbies. Something to replace what she has lost. Her purpose!
2006-09-20 03:56:26 · answer #4 · answered by oldman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are just some things that you might not know that your parents are dealing w/and your mother doesnt want you kids to know. What a good mom. She needs to talk to someone on neutral ground. Do you know of any friends she can turn to or a distant relative she is quit fond of that she will open up too? I am only coming to this conclusion for the way your father is handling this. Is there anything more important then his wife and their relationship? NO. Where would he be if he were to lose her? He needs to set some work aside and sort this out and you maybe the one to get him to do this. You need to discuss this w/your father ASAP. She is not in a good state of mind to raise your other 2 brothers. Its not fair to them. Start opening your mouth and put a boot in daddys rear. Sounds like you have more concerns for you mother then the one who took the vows.
2006-09-20 03:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by Ivory_Flame 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your mother is suffering the empty nest syndrome. As mothers it is our job almost our lifes ambition to nuture our children. Now that everyone has moved on with their lives she feels she has nothing to contribute. What your mother needs to recognize is that this is an opprotunity for her to contribute in other ways. If she has free time on her hands suggest to her volunteering for a day care, or a homeless shelter.
This will fill her need to nurture, and allow her to feel that she is participating in something that structures the world in a positive way. It may not be the gratification she receives from her children, but it will fill the void she feels she is lacking. I do not suggest doctors, because all they will do is give her a bunch of pills to swallow that only treats the symptoms not the source of the underlining problem.
Help her understand how grateful you are for nutruring you for all those years, and now it is your time to give back to the world all the principles that she enstilled in you. Tell her how fortunate you are to have the mother that you do, and it is time for others to be just as fortunate as Iyou. You have alot to give mom, and their are many people in this world besides myself who would appreciate a person like you. But their not going to experience that if you close the curtains,and pull the covers over your head. Look at the world mom. It needs help, and you are just the person that has the time, and the heart to help it.
2006-09-20 03:57:59 · answer #6 · answered by fryedaddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mums are beautiful people. They commit their energy and life to their family and loved ones. They are proud of their children.
But as the children change from children to young adult sometimes the mum feels her role as primary carer is not needed.
This is exactly the time to take your mum out to a special dinner
and confirm how important she has been and still is to you.
It also a time to let her express her self openly.
Adults sometimes need some strong affirmation from their children to them. If there is depression then you may need to seek counselling as we shouldn't try to self treat in families leave that to
unbiased doctors.
Change of life can be a period of self discovery so you could explore that option she may like to begin some interest that has been on hold. Some fine artist produce there best work in there sixties and seventies. good luck
2006-09-20 03:58:04 · answer #7 · answered by alfred jarry jnr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In today's times your family situation sounds pretty normal. You don't mention the ages of your brothers. Perhaps they can take care of themselves? I would say keep doing what you're doing. Stay on the phone and talk about what she wants to talk about. You might learn other things from her that belie your interpretation. The more you learn the better you can decide a proper course of action to take.
2006-09-20 03:45:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see how Mom would feel depressed! She is away from your Dad all week. She needs things to occupy her time. To bad your family can't move closer to Dad's work. Is this an option?
2006-09-20 03:46:19 · answer #9 · answered by hillbilly wife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is not having a midlife crisis she is suffering from depression. She should seek help from her doctor.
2006-09-20 03:40:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋