I have a child who cries every time I leave his sight at my home day care. Is he sick or spoiled? Am I the 1st

Question

Hes 11 months old. His grandmother who was keeping him then is the 1 who called me 4 my services. The mom told me he rarely cried.My first day keeping him wasnt that bad and I told mom that when she called to check. After that it got worse everyday. Mom has a differrent excuse for it each day, saying hes not like this all the time just because hes teething, earache,etc. I called her to pick him up finally because he screamed 4 hours, told her something apparently is wrong with him. He also calls me mom, my hubby dad, hits the other kids and his mom, he thinks its funny. I am going all day without using the bathroom, feel as if I am neglecting my own son.I wonder if this is why grandma stopped watching him because she will still come and pick him up for a couple of hours now and then. I thought it was bc she was too busy. Child doesnt cry after mom at all. He screams when I am in the kitchen but still in sight fixing the other kids breakfast then crawls to me, tries to climb my leg, etc

I don't understand why his mom first asks me how he is. If I say OK, she says good. If I say hes been crying a little, she'll say "I think hes teething. 1 day I told her he cried all day. The next AM, she came in with tylenol saying "I think he has an ear infection, if u cant handle him call me. I did call.When she got here she admitted to me he had been up crying a lot the nite b4 and she asked her hubby should she stay home to keep him, he said no.I have only had him a couple weeks.The excuses R an everyday topic except 4 maybe 2 days I told her he was OK. There is nothing wrong if I say he is OK.He has never had a fever when I check it,never pulled at his ear.In fact the day I got her off work to get him,she picked him up,held him,he started laughing, hitting her!She rarely calls from work to check on him tho she claims he is sick and tells me several AM's to call if I cant handle him.Also shes dropping him off 20-35 mins.earlier than we agreed her job is 1 mile from my home.HELP!!

Answer 1

You may be the best influence the child has right now. Maybe because he spends more time with you than his own parents, he wants your attention all the time. His parents may come and pick him up at the end of the day, drop him at another sitter's and go out all night long. You may be the closest thing he has to a real mom. I would speak to someone because it sounds to me like she's continually blowing off the concerns of a trained professional, which is disconcerting to me.

Answer 2

Neither, I think this child is in the process of separation anxiety. Every child goes through it and it always seem worse if the child is an only child. I was an only child and I have 2 toddlers now. It will take some time to achieve the seperation anxiety between the parent and child. However, I think the hitting is something he is picking up from home as a way to get your attention or a way to get "mommy" to pick him up or even from a dicipline issue as spanking. You are the sitter and who was left in charge. I would nip it in the bud ASAP. Take control and let them know you are serious, but don't let them know you are scared or freaking out. They sence those feelings and use it to get under your skin. Since He has picked up on hitting. I would suggest not to spank. My kids think that going into the corner for time out is the worst thing ever. But you must be consistant, calm, and explain why they are there. I usually limit anywhere from 1-5 minutes of timeout without crying. They must stay in timeout without crying or leaving the area for 1-5 minutes. If they take 5 minutes crying and fussing and running off....I redirect them and let them calm down, then I go over there and explain and let them stay there for the appropriate amount of time, I suggest they appologize to the other child or give a hug(for those who can't speak). But if you can't handle it, I would just let the mother know or get together with her and find a solution to help the child. Just remember children have a hard enough time changing activities during the day let alone changing the whole day's routine and babysitter and new environment. Remember to use positive reinforcement and follow through when you give them a warning of any type. 1 Warning! You can not negoticate with a toddler. You are the adult and you know what's best. Teach good morals and manners. And let them know who is in control of the situation without freaking out or blowing up. Good Luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

First, you can't "spoil" a child that young. They need to be held, reassured and nurtured. It's unclear what role the mom is playing in this at home (is she nurturing, or rejecting him?) If it's the latter, the child has obviously come to see YOU as the primary caregiver and source of security, esp. since the grandmother has "bailed" on him, which is really her right, however callous it may seem.

I WOULD urge the parent to get him checked out by his pediatrician (kids often cry incessantly due to ear infections or other medical problems. Or, she could give you permission to take him to the Dr., but it still doesn't solve the underlying problem that mom is neglecting him in some way.

This is pretty sad: the child is latching onto YOU for warmth and security instead of his mom. It's noble, what you're doing, but it's not the main role of a daycare provider...but rather the parent. You need to discuss this with the mother and express your concern.

If she doesn't change immediately, I would contact Social Services. This kid is MIXED UP! It will only get worse, for you and the child!

Answer 4

Some kids are difficult kids. These are the kids that cry when being dropped off at day care, etc. I know it's hard to deal with these types (I worked at a daycare for a year and a half), but the best thing you can do for him is to teach him the correct behavior you want him to demonstrate in your house. If he cries for no good reason, ignore him. If he hits you, try to explain to him you won't play while he is hitting (he will eventually get it). As far as being clingy, if you are really strong willed, just don't pick him up. I always have trouble with that part myself. It is also pretty normal for kids that age to call others mom and dad. I had a 20 month old call me mom before on several occasions. I don't mind it. If all else fails, tell the mom to control her kid or find another babysitter.

Answer 5

First of all this child is probably only with his mom outside of you watching him so he's probably just attached to her so much that it causes him to cry when she leaves his presence. My son use to be this way I think I was to protective of him and never really let anyone keep him when he was smaller, I got past this by letting family members and friends keep him more often, and also not holding him and pampering him all the time at home, this child maybe trying to get attention. I would also tell the mother to stop calling all the time and checking on him and you should try to get him to do things to keep his mind off mom more. My son has grown out of this now, and does really great with others now, but if this continues and his crying and showing out is just to much to bear maybe you should be honest and tell her to find another babysitter because you probably have other kids that this behaver interupts you from caring for. Sometimes parents just need to shop around and try out different daycare options till they find the one that best meets their childs needs, even great daycares are not right for different kids.

Answer 6

Have you seen any signs of abuse on the child, bruises etc.......
I had a daycare provider that went through this and she finally told the parents she couldnt watch the child anymore.
Thats too bad the mother is not really "paying attn" to what you are telling her. If my child cries at daycare (14 month old) it absolutely breaks my heart and I have a hard time leaving.
I would get together with the parents for a meeting and let them know whats going on and that you are concerned.

Answer 7

It's probably a question of separation anxiety, especially if what his mother said about him not doing it at home is true.

One thing I would make absolutely clear to this mother is that is unacceptable for her to be dropping him off 30 mins earlier than you agreed upon. That is an extra half hour of work for you that you are now not being compensated for, and by the sound of it, with this kid, you seriously need to be compensated for caring for him! Don't allow her to dump her problems on you. Make it clear to her that if she is dropping him off early, you are going to charge her extra.

Answer 8

That's normal, your child is learning the most important life of his first few years, mom has to do things in order to survive or work, ect and it means she can't spend every single moment with him. What he's doing, all children do at some point and it's normal. There's no harm letting him cry when you have to be out of his sight for a bit, eventually he'll understand what's happening and the crying will stop. I would seek medical advice though too just to be safe.

Answer 9

My daughter did the same thing. She was with me all day every day so when I tried to leave her with my husband or mother she would scream for hours on end. Fine for me because I wasn't there, but not for her care giver. We had a strong bond and continue to, she is now 11. I would worry too much about it, he will out grow this phase and move on to something more annoying as time goes on.

Answer 10

Make it policy to have child get a physical or check vaccination records for last dr. visit. Observe how he plays with "Little People" and other dolls to look for signs of abuse or neglect