What do I do when my guy seems insecure about his family's money compared to mine? My family are more well off, and live in a big city. His parents aren't as well off, and live in a small town. The problem is, he had to move back home for certain reasons, but before he left he hinted to me, that he was worried about what my parents would think of him or his family financially. For some reason, he thinks that they might be snobby or have high standards, which is not the case! They are humble people, but since he hadn't met my parents yet he didn't know. The only reason why I think that is because he told me that I wear nice clothes & drive a nice car, so he might look at me & think my parents must have high standards that he could never live up to. But it's not true, my family & I love people for who they are, not money. I don't want his "preconceived notion" to get in the way of a potential serious relationship. How can I be honest?
2006-09-20 03:19:57 · 13 answers · asked by feisty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He also thought I lived in a huge mansion, which I don't, so should I take a picture of my house and send it to him?! What should I do? He hadn't met my parents because we weren't serious yet, but now since he's away how can I show him?
2006-09-20 03:22:22 · update #1
Tell him exactly how you feel and say exactly what you said here.Tell him he has no reason to feel "out of your league". Be honest and explain to him that your parents will accept him regardless of what he earns and where he stays. Tell him you like him more because he is so down to earth and you are not interested in his wallet.That'll make him feel better.
2006-09-20 03:27:03 · answer #1 · answered by Jade22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer to this would be to tell him EXACTLY what you said here!!! When you don't have money -- it's hard fitting in with people a lot of the time. You'd be surprised. I grew up well but later things went down hill (for many many reasons I had no control over) --- I never thought I was as well off as a child until I got older because my parents were like yours seem to be. After our lives went downhill financially, people started looking down on us (part of the reason was breast cancer -- just to give you an idea). We were put down and it feels bad. I know what he's trying to say to you but see.....just be honest - like you are here.
2006-09-20 10:25:19 · answer #2 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main thing here is communication between you and him. I think it would be helpful for you to spend time talking about your childhood. This can include sharing pictures and stories. The thing you have to understand though is he does have a reason to be concerned. I think it is only normal for parents to want a good life for their kids and to some degree they do tend to care about a persons financial situation. I think they care about his plans for the future and care about his ability to have and hold a job. That is only normal and not a bad thing. Your bf needs to realize that is just parents and he should want to live up to those expectations. However, I'm sure you wouldn't be in love with him if he wasn't the type of person who could live up to that. Just take time to tell him more about your family, your childhood, etc...the more you share the more comfortable I'm sure he will be.
2006-09-20 18:04:27 · answer #3 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How wise beyond your years you are! Ask his advice input about things that have nothing to do with money. Honor his opinion. Don't buy things for him. If you want to bestow gifts, make sure they are handmade/homemade, something that he could reciprocate. Appreciate no-money dates, even suggest going to a park for a picnic, going to a farmer's market (everyone has to buy some kind of food). Go to a bookstore to have a cup of coffee and read. Volunteer at Habitat for Humanity, or to teach illiterate adults to read, or visit the elderly at nursing homes. Remain your worthy and humble self.
This is an age old problem, the literature is full of similar stories. You are lucky to have parents who are not overly materialistic, so often they would not approve.
2006-09-20 10:26:35 · answer #4 · answered by finaldx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just feels insecure to give you things that he can`t afford and isn`t sure that you and your parents can accept him now or in the future.
You both need to sit down and discuss these issues with each other and if one or both of you can`t agree to resolve the issues,it`s time for both of you to move on. I hope you can resolve your issues on a positive note. GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-20 10:37:08 · answer #5 · answered by jamesanderson22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he didnt more too far you can set up a meeting with you, him, his parents, and your parents if you like. sure take a pic of your house and send it to him, and it shouldnt matter if your family is well off, what matters is that you both love each other.
2006-09-20 10:34:02 · answer #6 · answered by party_2_hearty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice ,1st to appresite the gesture of urs.
tell him tht u love him n not for any money....money is required to be in the society...but not life is meant to make money...as u say in wordz which neither hurts him...as he tooo have to settle down,he works hard,n live how he wants ,neither than seeing up or cursing parents,wat thy hav done,is most hy can afford...take care..n best of luck
2006-09-20 10:26:56 · answer #7 · answered by unlucky hand 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the only way for him to get over this is for him to actually get to know your family.
2006-09-20 10:22:36 · answer #8 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring him to meet your family
2006-09-20 10:22:33 · answer #9 · answered by raykpcs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him maybe take him to meet your family
2006-09-20 10:23:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋