How to get dad's head out of step-mom's butt for a little bit?

Question

My dad has his head so far up my stepmom's butt that he cant see how he is treating his youngest daughter that is getting married in 6months. i cant even book a location because she wont give him the ok to pay for anything! they are starting invetro next month, and cant spare anything for me. dad is 50, step mom early 40's. all i have asked for is 2500.00 for my wedding...is that too much to ask?

they just decided to start invetro within the past couple of months. i have had a date planned for 1 YEAR. Asking for the 2500 is with me paying some more too. I am not a money hungry daughter looking for all the attention and his money. Of 3 sisters, I am the only one that he will have the chance to give away and witness the marriage. you think it would mean a little bit more to him.

cant to a sit down meal to talk to him. we live too far apart. not really a phone conversation.

Answer 1

sounds like the evil step mom to me...she is so jealous of you because she thinks that your father will pay too much attention to you. Sorry, I think your step mom is a total B-I-T-C-H!!!

Answer 2

Got to say, your title made me laugh :-)

You aren't asking for that much money, and they should have taken this into consideration when they planned their fertility treatments. You informed them of the wedding before they made their decision, so putting off the invetro another 6 months or so to help you isn't asking that much.

You don't need to bring it up to them, or at least I wouldn't. Leave their marriage out of it, and make sure that you focus on the overall happiness of both events, and not just your wedding.

You need to find a way to talk to your father. A phone call, letter, email, something. Make sure that you explain that while you support their decision about the invetro, you would really appreciate any help to pay for your wedding. Say that you would love the full $2,500, but any amount would be wonderful at this point.

Then if he can't or won't help, plan your wedding based on what you and your fiance can afford. Look for ways to save on costs to keep it in your price range.

Cut the guest list from 150 to 100. Take off all the people you don't see that much or aren't that close to, like the co-workers you aren't close to, the distant family like 2nd cousins and great-aunts and great-uncles. Have both you and your fiance look over the guest list to see who isn't as important to have at the wedding.
Maybe rent your bridal gown instad of buying one. Or look at eBay dresses. David's Bridal has $99 sales on their gowns. Try to find one there.
Can a friend or family member have the reception at their place? Try fire halls and VFW halls in your area. They are generally less expansive than hotels and banquet rooms. See if a church in your area has their own hall. Having it all at the church is less expensive than at two different places.
See if a friend or family member is willing to do things like the photography, help with food prep, baking a cake, DJ, crafts with the flowers and decorations, etc...

There are so many ways to cut costs and still have a beautiful wedding. There is no reason you can't have the most important things on a smaller budget.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Yes, that may be too much to ask. You have to understand that his wife is his first priority - not his grown daughter. Just because you decided to get married before they decided to try fertility treatments, that doesn't give you any more of a claim to their money. (Because you might as well face it - it is THEIR money - not just his.)

No matter how much you may hate her or the situation, you need to at least try to see where he's coming from. This is his relationship, and they have decided to try to add to their (and your) family. If she's in her 40s, they need to move a quickly as possible. Postponing it for even a few months will decrease their chances.

And this is YOUR wedding - if money isn't going to come from him, or not right away at least, you'll simply have to figure something else out. Get creative. And for heaven's sake, book a location already! If you wait too long, you won't be able to get anywhere you want, and that is only going to lead to more resentment of your dad and his wife.

I'm sorry, but I think you relly need to take a step back and try to look at the situation as a grown-up, not as a child.

Answer 4

It's not your Dad's place to pay for your wedding. All you want is $2500.00? To me that's a large sum of money. If that's all you need then get a loan from a bank, that's what they're there for, your dad isn't a bank. If your old enough to get married your old enough to pay for it too.
(It sort of sounds like someone is a little jealous of dad's relationship w/ step-mom and that she might not be the youngest daughter pretty soon.)

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Wow I can understand you frustration. This your special time and focus is not on you. Not much you can do. talk to Dad alone. meet him for lunch or something and discuss you dilema. Be understanding and listen. If the funds are not available you may have to go with plan B. good luck and congratson your upcoming wedding. It does not have to be on celebrity scale. just a few people to help share your special day.

Answer 7

All I can say is your not alone. My dad is the same way with his girlfriend. My sister is getting married in a couple of weeks and he hasn't offered to help out with anything. So no it isn't too much to ask - but Dads as much as we love them can be real buttheads.

Answer 8

YES... If they are starting invetro, You should be a little bit more considerate. That is expensive and emotionally exhausting and EXPENSIVE... did I mention that its VERY expensive... I doubt that once they start that, they will be able to afford anything for a while.

Answer 9

Have you been able to sit down with your father, and have a heart to heart talk, with him? That is what you must do, and see what he can help you with. May be he can't come up with all of what you want, but see what he can afford. and you then have to work with what you have.

Answer 10

$2500.00 Is not worth creating tension between your beloved father and his wife. Finance it yourself. It will mean more to you and your soon to be husband. (What about your mom or his parents? can they help)