last 1s . due to some ppl feeling a little threatened?

Question

WHY DO celebrities who voiceover the Tesco's advert always refer to the chain as 'we'? I for one have never seen Cilla Black holding a tenner suspiciously up to the light, or Jimmy Nail pushing four trolleys through the car park in the pissing rain for three pound peanut an hour.
WHY IS IT Tampax adverts allways show women ice-skating, dancing or playing volleyball? The only activity my missus partakes in at that time of the month is biting my head off.
I WAS devastated when my doctor told me that I had just a week to live. Then I remembered that I am a mayfly, and a week was equivalent to a human being living for 500 years. So I cheered up immeasurably
PROFESSIONAL footballers have hit the headlines recently for indulging in gamesmanship - diving and playacting and so on. Well at least they are now limiting their disgraceful behaviour to the pitch these days. It wasn't so long ago that they were out beating up Pakistanis, dogging in car parks and gang raping women in hotel rooms. Let's give credit where credit is due.

Answer 1

The object of this forum is humor, in it's different forms. 'Tis a pity and a shame others only use it to gripe and grumble.
Kudos to you for posting.
Keep it up. Some of us enjoy your style.

Answer 2

Are you just copying text from the Viz website and pasting it here.
Why cant you write your own?

I can do somthing similar

When I was a little girl, only six years old, I one night heard
Bessie Leaven say to Martha Abbot that she had been dreaming about a
little child; and that to dream of children was a sure sign of
trouble, either to one's self or one's kin. The saying might have
worn out of my memory, had not a circumstance immediately followed
which served indelibly to fix it there. The next day Bessie was
sent for home to the deathbed of her little sister.

Of late I had often recalled this saying and this incident; for
during the past week scarcely a night had gone over my couch that
had not brought with it a dream of an infant, which I sometimes
hushed in my arms, sometimes dandled on my knee, sometimes watched
playing with daisies on a lawn, or again, dabbling its hands in
running water. It was a wailing child this night, and a laughing
one the next: now it nestled close to me, and now it ran from me;
but whatever mood the apparition evinced, whatever aspect it wore,
it failed not for seven successive nights to meet me the moment I
entered the land of slumber.

I did not like this iteration of one idea--this strange recurrence
of one image, and I grew nervous as bedtime approached and the hour
of the vision drew near. It was from companionship with this baby-
phantom I had been roused on that moonlight night when I heard the
cry; and it was on the afternoon of the day following I was summoned
downstairs by a message that some one wanted me in Mrs. Fairfax's
room. On repairing thither, I found a man waiting for me, having
the appearance of a gentleman's servant: he was dressed in deep
mourning, and the hat he held in his hand was surrounded with a
crape band.

"I daresay you hardly remember me, Miss," he said, rising as I
entered; "but my name is Leaven: I lived coachman with Mrs. Reed
when you were at Gateshead, eight or nine years since, and I live
there still."

"Oh, Robert! how do you do? I remember you very well: you used to
give me a ride sometimes on Miss Georgiana's bay pony. And how is
Bessie? You are married to Bessie?"

"Yes, Miss: my wife is very hearty, thank you; she brought me
another little one about two months since--we have three now--and
both mother and child are thriving."

"And are the family well at the house, Robert?"

"I am sorry I can't give you better news of them, Miss: they are
very badly at present--in great trouble."

"I hope no one is dead," I said, glancing at his black dress. He
too looked down at the crape round his hat and replied -

"Mr. John died yesterday was a week, at his chambers in London."

Seee copy and paste. arnt I clever. Thats from Jane Eyre the worst book ever written, at least I give Charlotte Bronte credit.

VIZ STEALER

Answer 3

Chill out Rich S!!! Even if he was ( which I doubt he is), what are you doing to make anyone laugh? What's your contribution? You're an ogre!

Keep going zzt! You make me laugh!

Answer 4

Perhaps you should speak out loud on your local radio station, something for people to think about

Answer 5

If it weren't for your devilishly handsome picture I'd think you were Jim Davidson. Nick nick!

Answer 6

You should carry on telling these stuff the people with no SOH. If they dont like it they shouldnt read it should they??

Answer 7

you got some good points there, but you now owe me 49 seconds lol

Answer 8

From the pages of VIz, by any chance?

Answer 9

You are very handsome and I like your style

xxx

Answer 10

...did the doctor say anything about the possibility of you being swatted?