Am I an overprotective mother? Is my thinking going to harm my child 's development?

Question

Moved to nice safe/ little traffic community in another country a few months ago. Noticed how children here are raised to be very independent which I think it is great, but I feel unable to give my child the same "liberties" other parents here do at that same age. Lived the last 12 yrs in Washington DC and maybe still to soon to think its ok to do so? Examples: (1) All children walk to-from kindergarten by themselves, no parent in sight (2) 10 year old mown the loan themselves (3) 3 yr olds play completely unsupervised in the bldgs common yard for up to 2 hrs at a time. (4) 11 & 13 yr old walk home after soccer (fussball) game and celebrations ends at 11 PM. Neighbohrs think its funny that I say I will not let my child do these things at these ages.

Answer 1

I will start off by admitting I do not have children. Some people think that gives me no credibility; however, I have been able to view for years how people act with their children and feel I have unbiased views.

You are not being overprotective. I would never let a kindergarten child walk by his or herself. I may let a child walk with another parent but never alone.

A three year old should never be unsupervised. I have been around many three year olds. Do people actually think they use good judgment? Of course not, they are babies.

It is appalling that anyone would let 11 and 13 year old kids walk home alone at 11 p.m. A decent parent would have the desire to see the game anyway.

There is a reason there is a warning on most motorized tools that advises adults only use them. I would never let a 10 year mow the lawn alone.

If after a time, you deem it is OK to lighten up on your child, because of the safety of the community, then go ahead and do it, but not until YOU decide to.

Let the neighbors think you are an odd American. Who cares? Your child will be safe.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I have also struggled with overprotectiveness of my daughter, worried all the time about what was going to happen to her. I think there is a very fine line between letting your child be independent and being irresponsible. I would not let my kindergartener walk to school by herself or even play outside unsupervised for very long. Some people may call this smothering, however, take a look at the website for Missing and Exploited Children. Most of these children were left alone for a just a few minutes and then never seen again. The world we live in today is not safe, and unfortunately, getting more unsafe as the years progress. I would say do the things that make you feel better because in the long run, they may end up thanking you for it.

Answer 3

(1) All children walk to-from kindergarten by themselves, no parent in sight - That's quite bad really because those children are too little to know how to cross the road properly or not talk to strangers
(2) 10 year old mown the loan themselves - that's okay because I was moving my lawn at the age of 8 so its good exercise really
(3) 3 yr olds play completely unsupervised in the bldgs common yard for up to 2 hrs at a time - that's not good again, children shoudl be checked on regularly especially at that age
(4) 11 & 13 yr old walk home after soccer (fussball) game and celebrations ends at 11 PM - that's too late. Children should be at home by 9 pm at the most, celebrations or not.
I think you're not being overprotective and your child's development is not going to be affected if he/she didn't get to stay out as late as the other kids etc. You have a right to raise your child as you see best, don't bother what the other parents say....someday when you're kid is all grown and able to manage independantly...you'll realize that you've saved yourself a lifetime of worry by not letting your kid get kidnapped/mugged/assaulted.

Answer 4

i don't think your to over protective i would never let my child walk to and from kindergarten there to young to be by themselves .anything could happen .
2.i didn't let my son mow the lawn till he was 12 and i supervise and watch to make sure nothing happens to him .
3) 3 yr old should be watch all the time you turn your back for a second and they can get badly hurt or worse
4 i can see a 13 yr old walking home from practices but not at 11 p,m .

my son are all teenagers they are now 16 14 13 i still keep a close eye on them and they have to be in our home by 830 pm

where do you live anyway do these parents not realize today's world with all the kids being kidnapped or worse?

so no your not to overprotective ,
your being a good mother to your kids and making sure nothing happens that is our jobs.

i know even here you see small children running around with no parents i seen so many kids almost getting hit by cars and you don't know if your son or daughter will talk to a stranger telling your kids i lost my puppy you know as well as i do a 5 yr old will help this person and then poof your child is gone .


so your doing your job continue to do that ,don't care what your neighbors think OK .

Answer 5

Walking home from kidergarten and letting 3 year olds play for up to 2 hours is just not smart on the parents part. We all want our children to make good responsible independent adults but there are nut jobs out there waiting for an oppurtunity like the ones theses parents have set up The 11 and 13 year olds though need some breathing room but im not to thrilled about what time it ends. The bottom line our kids are our future and we need to protect them but also teach them I dont think the way your thinking is something to be made fun of or laughed at. You are cautious but dont be suffocating, there is a difference and some of those parents are obviously not wise to the world when it comes to some of there actions. Love yours and screw what the neighbors think.

Answer 6

Well thinking like that is not going to damage your child.
First I think you are right to think how you do. Unfortunately it's not a safe world out there. Kids get taken from their parents everyday. My friends with kids don't even let their kids outside to play if they are not right there.
Second no 10 year old should be operating a lawn mower. I have seen terrible things happen to adults with lawn mowers let alone a child.
Let the neighbors think what they want but keeping your child safe and teaching them responciblility is not a bad thing. I know when I have kids they won't be unsupervised.
Keep raising your child or children how you see fit to. You are the parent and you know in your heart you are doing the right things by your child.
I think you are a good parent and you should be commended.

Answer 7

no your being a good mom, i have a kindergarten-er and i dont let him walk down to the bus stop right at the corner by himself and someone is at the bus stop to bring him home as well. Actually not sure when ill let him go alone its very dangerous out there. Just here recently, the girl that was held in a bunker and got a text message out to her mom for example.too many crazy people out there i dont care where ya live. they'll come to you!!!and like here in Ohio, it could just be an accident there was a girl that was hit and killed by a van and the people got scared, took the body and dumped it, she was just missing for years until they found out what had happened.
about the lawn mower issue, maybe, under strict supervision at 10.
at 3 now way in the common yard, maybe in a fenced in area in your own private yard.
also would be there to pick up children late at night.
so no again your being a protective mother not smothering so dont worry about what the neighbors think. Just know where your kids are, and that they are safe.
I dont know if you've ever heard the country song that's my job
he says that's my job that's what i do, everything i do, i do for you to keep you safe with me, that's my job you see.

Answer 8

Well I am a mother of 2 and some of those points you listed seem CRAZY. I think, like with everything, you have to balance what you let your children do with their age but you may have moved into a area where people have completely fallen off of the their teeter-totter.

Don't feel bad. Keep on keep'n on and love your children with open arms. You are doing all you can do - good and BAD things happen everywhere that is life. Our job is to give our children a MILD understanding of that as children, without scarring them to death and scaring them for life LOL. Sometimes walking the line is hard, but if it helps I think those people fell off a long time ago.

Answer 9

from your description i guess you're in germany now. i'm german, and i'd say be happy that things still work like that in your community and go along with it. i know it must be difficult for you, but you're doing yourself and your child a huge favour with it, and you'll find yourself a lot more relaxed even only after a couple of days doing it. actually, your little community there sounds like my village. *lol* another thing that might help you to relax a bit and give your child more independence is that rural german neighbourhoods tend to be very close-knit and people look out for each other's kids. so if your child was playing in the backyard with others, and something happened you could be pretty sure that either the other kids would ask a parent for help or a parent would see it anyway and bring him/ her home to you. anyway, think about, your neighbours love their children too, and they know the culture and the locality inside out, so if they let their children have that degree of independence it's most likely safe. just try to make sure your child is never on their own when out of your sight, but that shouldn't be a problem as kids in these little german communities usually hang out together.

for those worried about the kid getting into traffic, going with strangers etc. - when i was in kindergarten, i actually had to cross the main road to get there, sp when we wanted come and go without parental supervision, we had to bring in a signed statement from our parents that it was ok for them to let us do so. all of us were taught from a very early age by our parents how to cross the road safely and not to go with strangers. it was part of the kindergarten curriculum too, and we were all so proud when were finally allowed to go home without our parents that we would have never ever thought of breaking the rules. being allowed that bit of independence made us feel very grown up and so we were bloody well going to behave grown up. :-)

Answer 10

I think it is good to give a child a sense of independence, but at first they need guidance, I don't think you are off the track, the early years, you need to show them the guidance, and when they get older they can learn to be more responsible I also think at 11 & 13 yr. old being out at 11 PM is too late. It is your household, and you keep doing what you think is best, I also believe that you teach a child in the way it should grow, and then your works will not be in vain.