What is the feedaback? Good or bad? Share your views...
P.S. i know many people who have had arranged marriages, some successful, and some not - more successful ones.
2006-09-20 02:55:51 · 10 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I worked with a lady who came from Pakistan. She had an arranged marriage when she was 18. She told me she was lucky as he wasn't a family member and that his family and hers were close for many generations so she 'knew' him 'well' before they wed. However, he was very strict with her and their sons and she was completely under his control in every aspect of her life. He also wasn't afraid to turn to violence to maintain his control and she was alarmingly acceptant of this, in her role of ' respectful and dutiful wife'. I can't say she was 'unhappy' but, living in the Uk and seeing 'freedom' amongst other women of her culture did frustrate her. I moved house and lost touch a while back, but as far as I'm aware they were (are) married for about 20 years now.
2006-09-20 03:02:12 · answer #1 · answered by Mrsdanieljackson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had an arranged marriage but contrary to what people think about the whole concept of arranged marriages, the only thing 'arranged' in our marriage was our first meeting. We met though our family ( He was the nephew of our family friends) We first met each other and then we decided that we needed time to get to know each other better, so he came back to the U.S and we called each other and emailed each other and then he came back to India for Valentine's Day and proposed with a diamond ring. By then I knew him so well and I couldnt imagine a life without him. He went back to the United States and we set the wedding date for late May. It has been a year and a half since we got married and he is the most considerate and loving person I have ever known and I am so proud to be his wife. But of course I know that all arranged marriages are not like ours. But I would like to believe that times are changing and that women now have more say in whom they choose to marry.
2006-09-20 10:11:37 · answer #2 · answered by cutiepie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, this one is a difficult question, is it right? well my answer is maybe for lots of different countries it's part of their culture and it becomes the norm to them. I do not agree with forcing people to marry, but nobody really knows if marriage will last so maybe
it's not so bad to take a lottery on an arranged marriage after all.
I am very lucky because i have been married for 13 years and i am still in love with my husband.
2006-09-20 10:09:24 · answer #3 · answered by samleigh40@btinternet.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arranged marriage is prevalent and accepted as the norm in the Asian and African families. Also, in the Muslims religion of Islam. It is when elders of either the boy or girl let others in the community know of their intention to get their son or daughter married, also if they see someone they think would be suitable for their son/daughter they will arrange a meeting through the guardian of the girl (father, uncle or brother).
Something that needs to be pointed out is: There is a difference between 'Forced Marriage' and 'Arranged Marriage' as many people in the west do not understand the two terms.
For Muslims, a meeting is arranged where the guardian of the girl sits a bit further away so as not to let the two be in seclusion, as being in seclusion with the opposite sex leads to disastrous action as we know. So they speak to each other, see how they look, how their character is, whether they are attarcted to each other, whether they will be suitable for each other etc.etc. After the meeting they can contemplate and if they conclude to marry each other, then the wedding is arranged, or they can meet each other with the girls guardian on as many occations as they like. But, in Islam, the Muslims cannot communicate freely with girls whom they are not related to, even if they have the intention to marry her. Only with the girls guardian being present. After the meeting, If they don't like each other, they simply decline and carry on having meetings with others, until they find the right person through this process.
Also, if a girl or boy sees a boy/girl on the street, whom she likes and thinks that he will be good for him and her children, she may find out where he lives and inform her guardian to do some research on him, and arrange a meeting for the two of them with the guardian of the girl being present as mentioned above.
Most (80%) of arranged marriages do last and the marriage is wholesome, through mutual love, respect and mercy. Providing the both party are tolerant with each other, respect one another, do not disclose their sinful past to each other and try to live a good married life, bringing up children in a good manner. If for some reason, both husband and wife do not get along with each other and it becomes intolerable, unbearable they can devorce.
2006-09-21 11:00:20 · answer #4 · answered by Abu J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has an aunt whose marriage was arranged. She married a doctor. They are now in their late 60s, early 70s and still married, have had 3 children. I guess it can work. I think they grew to love each other. My own marriage was a bit set up though - I met my now sister in law in a nail salon - she approached me and said I'd be perfect for her brother. I took his email address and wrote him, he wrote back and we agreed to meet in person. A month later we went looking for wedding rings, 3 months after that he proposed. We've been married 1 year now and together for a total of 3 years. So anything is possible :)
2006-09-20 10:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister (23 yrs old) has jus got married to a 27 yr old. this was an arranged marriage, but not all of our family agreed with the choice of partner for her.
arranged marriages are basically a 'word of mouth' type of affair, whereby muslims spread the word that such and such's son/daughter is looking to get married and it is almost like a blind date, but with both sides of the family there as chaperones.
my mum + sister arranged it all, without anyone else in our house even knowing she wanted to get married. when they told my dad about their decision to opt for her now husband, he understandably flew off the handle as he wasn't included in the decision making process.
the mum, the dad and the individual wanting to get married make the decision together. my dad was left out of the loop, and didn't want anything to do with my mum/sister after this. he didn't go to the wedding, he didn't contribute to anything, he basically chose to ignore it was happening.
sister has now moved from manchester to edinburgh, and the whole family is split down the middle : those who agreed with how it was arranged, and those who don't. tense atmosphere to say the least!
they want to arrange my marriage next - YEAH RIGHT!!
so, in a nutshell, they CAN be very good, but my experience of them so far is that they can go very wrong...
2006-09-20 10:17:01 · answer #6 · answered by manca300 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am against arranged marriages because my parents arranged marriage failed miserably
2006-09-20 14:10:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like mines an arranged one!
2006-09-23 14:07:42 · answer #8 · answered by Jenna♥♥♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO I thought it was dying out especially in this country with the Pakistans who are born here if they regard themselves as BRITISH first then accept our way of life
2006-09-21 12:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my grandparents were arranged....they were miserable.
2006-09-20 12:00:00 · answer #10 · answered by jachooz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋