My niece is living with her mom still and is demanding a new car, freedom to have her freinds stay at her house. A personal phone line. My sister in law is single without a lot of money. She told her daughter that she needed to get a job to help pay for this stuff and her daughter told her that it was her responsibility to provide everything for her. My sister in law is asking me for advise and short of telling her to kick her daughter out, I am at a loss. Any adivise???????
2006-09-20 02:20:01 · 31 answers · asked by angelsforanimals 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My niece does nothing but sit at home. For two hours a day she goes to a community college and then sits at home in her room all day.
2006-09-20 02:21:21 · update #1
I was reading the replies and some people brought to my attention that she has been doing this for years. She has had a bad example from her mother. Her mom does not work and has been married 5 times. She sues for alimony and child support and sits at home all day. Sometimes I feel sorry for them, but I am at the end of the rope dealing with them. I work full time, raise four children and volunteer in my community. I do not know what it is like to sit at home all day. If I dont pay my bills no one else is going to do it for me. I pay some of my sister in laws bills too. I buy her kids school clothes and supplies. I want to thank everyone for your advise and for opening my eyes to the fact that this is all learned. Regardless if she kicks her kid out or not is not my problem. They have to learn to both grow up and start taking care of them selves and leave me alone.
2006-09-21 11:09:35 · update #2
It is not your problem. It is between your sister in law and her daughter. If your sister in law was serious about doing something she would take a stand.
Simply put, if she is not willing to pay for her daughter any longer, she just needs to tell her that she will either pay for her own needs or she will get out. It isn't that hard. Are you really telling me you two can't figure that out?
2006-09-20 02:26:10 · answer #1 · answered by Roger S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
basically, tell her if she wants something - the best way is to go out and earn it, get a part time job. i just took a car loan, thats another option, theres alot of places that give young people good loan deals.
plus, the mother should just leave her daughter to be completely independant, because if she doesnt make her daughter aware of her surroundings then she wont know the value of a dollar.
possibly (just a personal suggestion) show her the running costs of everything, electricity, home loan, water etc.. then compare that to her wage - and say that this is what you went through and then to raise a child - and ask her where your medal is? lol (thats a cruel joke my mother played on me)
you shouldnt kick your daughter out, its easier to teach them lessons because if you can make her aware of why we work for money and why we just dont earn money and just become rich.
plus im pretty sure, when a person(s) is 18 years or older, they are an adult and therefore resposible for their own well-being, and driving is a privilage not a right (and all that other "mothering" stuff you women are good at)
hope i helped a little
2006-09-20 09:33:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically she probably starting to demand all of this stuff because all of her friends has cars, phones, etc. As of right now, your sister in law is doing well, it is important that your niece learns how to make her own way; if everything is given to her when she demands it, she will expect that for the rest of her life.
Do I think your sister in law should kick her out? No. But, she need to set rules and maybe work something out were if your niece gets a job and has good grades, your sister in law will help her out with a new car.
2006-09-20 09:24:18 · answer #3 · answered by flyboop_2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mom needs to stick to her guns about the daughter getting a job.
I was a single mom of 4. They all knew that once they become old enough to get employed, a job was what they needed to get the extra things they wanted. Once they started their own jobs, and yes, still going to school, they seemed to like the freedom to get the things on their own that they so desired.
A car and a phone aren't real needs. Sounds like she makes it to school ok, so I'm sure she'd have a way to make it to a job.
As long as mom is feeding her, keeping a roof over her head, and loveing her, the other things this girl should do own her own.
It seemed I always had "extra" kids at my house. My kids knew, if their friends were going to constantly be there, then they best be putting less on their plates at dinner time.
I was tagged as the "mean mom" when I put my foot down about the "oppisit sex" friends staying over, but they got over it, and their all thriving now.
Tell your sister to stick to her guns.
2006-09-20 09:31:02 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your sister-in-law that it's still "her" home and the rules she sets up will be followed as long as your niece lives there... Then tell her to meet her daughter half way... Tell her to offer to pay half for the things her daughter desires... but the catch is your niece will first provide "her" half of the money for the item she wants... Then your sister-in-law will kick in the other half... That's the rules... like'em or not... oh... and don't forget to tell your sister-in-law that "she's" the parent...
2006-09-20 09:51:29 · answer #5 · answered by deakjone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ahh yes today politically correct society and its misguided ways .LOL
First tell your sister this is what she gets for allowing her child to grow up RECEIVING any and everything she wanted.
Second - tell your neice to grow up and start learning how to provide for herslef,cuz mommy will not be there ALWAYS .Your neice has to learn self reliance or she will be homeless or a streetwalker.
Third - your sister MUST explain that a parent is TO PROVIDE the NESSASSARY items for life.Food - Sleter -Clothing -those are all the items PARENTS MUST PROVIDE.
She has that.
Car -optional and therefor Your neice can buy that for herslef ,Cell Phone - Optional and therefor can buy for herself.So looks like if she wants those items tiem to find a JOB !
Now as for friends staying over - she is 19 not twevle - if one wants to sleep over every now and then fine BUT to have your sisters home turn into a FLOP HOUSE ... NO DICE ! your Sister needs to stand firm and SAY NO WAY are your friends living here either !
Either your neice wakes up and smells the harsh realization of life or she will get use to hearing GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASH AND WORK for what you want MORE OFTEN !
We are promised NOTHING while growing up but we are shown how to earn what we want , seems SOMEONE forgot to show this female how to EARN things !
Either she learns or life will chew her up and spit her out and watch as she is washed down the drain with the rest of the sewage.Yes someone needs to smack her in the face with the COLD HARSH ways life does deal with free loaders and make her understand if she does not care for herself then no one else will either.She either learns to handle herself or she will become a used piece of ash that will be washed up by the time she is 25 yrs old.Thats how this world is, harsh but true and we all have seen this.Time for her to understand and learn this very harsh lesson.
2006-09-20 09:51:08 · answer #6 · answered by Glenn T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say it, but your SIL brought it on herself by spoiling the girl. If she never had those things, she wouldn't be demanding them now. Your SIL only HAS to provide a roof, food and proper clothing. Ask Child Protective Services. They'll tell you. A child does not require a new car, a phone and that kind of thing. Therefore if the girl wants it, she needs to provide it for herself.
Plus, the girl is legally an adult now. Your SIL technically doesn't have to provide squat.
2006-09-20 09:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by Jessie P 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously this girl was spoiled her whole life and was never taught any responsibility. She was probably used to getting everything she wanted growing up and now it's manifested itself into this.
It's too late to change her, she has no sense of responsibility and will be like that for the rest of her life. Your sister in law will be lucky if her daughter ever moves out
2006-09-20 09:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by bad_dog76 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your neice is only demanding so many things is because her mother will eventually give it to her. Your neice sounds spoilt and the best way is for you both to confront her, especially her mother and tell her that it's hard to work for money and that if she wants all these priveliges...the girl will have to get her own job. Tell her that no means no and not 'maybe later on' or 'we'll see'. You both have to be very firm about this because your neice sounds more like a spoilt child rather than a young adult.
2006-09-20 09:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
let your sister in law know we all have people like that in our families and short of kicking her out all she can do is refuse to give into her demands but even the law says that at 18 your niece is an adult and kick her lazy butt out if she thinks life is easy then it is time she learn differently befor she gets much older and ends up doing something illegal to survive when momma eventually passes on keeping her happy and at home is not benifitting the girl at all she needs to learn to take care of herself for her own sake
2006-09-20 09:51:53 · answer #10 · answered by prissymiss1968 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋