I have a step daughter who turned 18 in June. She is living with her mother and now has decided she doesn't want to visit. She isn't working. She is living there rent free and mom pays her car payment and car insurance. She was suppose to start college this fall term but now thinks she might wait to the winter term . Mom will be paying for tution too. My husband is frustrated with this situation and we both think Mom paying all her bills is not helping her. What do you think?
2006-09-20 01:53:47 · 10 answers · asked by mumpupp 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
At this point in your step-daughter's life, she lacks the experience to know what is good in the short-term and what is important for the long-term. Your step-daughter gravitates towards her mother because life there is convenient. (I would not interpret this as your step-daughter disliking you and your husband's situation.)
Her mother sounds like she has some "security" issues -- as she feels this is necessary to "win" her daugthers affection. This isn't abnormal, but I would agree that this is not healthy for her. Frequently kids try to take advantage of the situation to get what they want... but, it's usually a phase until the kids start thinking about what they want long-term. Hang in there, don't stoop down to her mother's level. While in the short-term, your step-daughter likes all of the attention, it'll degenerate into despotism at some point.
Having said all this, here's some advice. You and your husband should offer to spend some time with your step-daugther. Her mother may buy her everything under the sun, but your step-daugther's long-term growth comes from relationships -- not posessions. Help her to discover what she wants out of life, and it will help solidify your relationship with her. She'll (eventually)realize that you are looking after her in the long run.
Good luck.
2006-09-20 02:18:17 · answer #1 · answered by Sam I AM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not helping her. Her mother is giving her a crutch and that's not a good thing. She's not going to know how to deal with the real world when she steps into it. You are 100% right.
2006-09-20 08:56:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs to be doing something. At 18 I think it is important for kids to start to learn there own ways and things.
2006-09-20 09:04:22 · answer #3 · answered by Hilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak to her mom. Explain your feelings. Try to get her on your side, but don't accuse her. Ask that if she doesn't attend college that she gets a job until she does.
2006-09-20 10:07:50 · answer #4 · answered by mminuyasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't live with you. Leave it at that. You're not paying for anything, so stop complaining. You don't have to deal with the spoiled, whiney, needy, irresponsible adult.
2006-09-20 09:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not helping her, but unless other mom sees through this ruse, there is not much that can be done
2006-09-20 08:56:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reminds me of a favorite quote,
"Raise your kids and spoil your grandchildren or spoil your kids and raise your grandchildren."
This woman is not doing herself or her daughter any favors.
2006-09-20 09:00:08 · answer #7 · answered by jurydoc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think i want to be here sister cause it sounds swell to me
2006-09-20 09:29:19 · answer #8 · answered by terri e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you feel if someone was judging your parenting? Are you jealous?
2006-09-20 08:57:35 · answer #9 · answered by loanofficer1506 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing you can do about it so quit worrying about it
2006-09-20 08:55:49 · answer #10 · answered by osunumberonefan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋