My hubby expects me to read his thoughts and to know in every moment what to do or say without asking him. He wants me to understand him but does not want to communicate with me openly. When I told him to tell me, what is wrong and what can I do, he just said that if I don’t understand, then I am stupid, that I have to take care what I will do in the future because he cannot stand it anymore.
However, he is never willing to tell me clearly, what the problem is, but rather just a half-truth, "throwing the hook" and wait for me to get the point.
For example, he promised to go for a walk, and I was ready, then he told me he was sleepy. I said OK, let's go, it will wake you up… After the walk, he went to bed and said that he didn't feel good. I thought that he was just sleepy and I insisted to go for a walk, but I didn’t have any idea that he is ill, because he didn't tell me so. He was expecting me to understand the word sleepy as ill, what I didn't.
Of course, I told him that I don't like it and that I expect him to communicate more concrete with me, but he usually started yelling and accusing me for everything. I simply have no right to say anything I don't like, because always it will be my fault. I am expected to pretend that I don't know anything and that everything is OK even when it is obvious that there is something wrong.
Furthermore, he said that he wanted to keep me out of his problems because it bothers me and I am not strong enough to know about it.
On the other side, he thinks that he is fair and good to me and that he is doing everything for me to be happy and that he is desperate because he knows that I am not. But he still doesn't want to se the things from my side.
I feel lost and helpless and I am afraid to make any step further to do something for us. I feel he just does not respect me, treats me as a child.
Please, don't tell me to talk with him, because I have tried so many times and it does not work. He also doesn't feel like going to some therapist – he thinks the problem is in me, not in him. He does not cooperate and he underestimates my side of the problem so I just need to do something only for myself.
All I want is to get back my self-respect and make him respect me.
2006-09-19
22:51:09
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10 answers
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asked by
smiiile
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in
Health
➔ Mental Health