my wife wants children shes 35 im 31,she said im being selfish but i really dont like kids at all,our lives are fantastic and im happy with our 3 cats,our relationship hit the skids after i said this,but i said real reason was i was scared id be a naff dad,well relationship got back to normal shes been on the pill fo nearly 20 years and come off it 6 mths ago,she wants to start trying next mth,theres no male pill i can secretly take,cant get the snip without her knowing help does anyone know of anything or can give me advice,i dont want kids,if i say this my marriage is over,i love my wife so much.
2006-09-19 22:36:39 · 51 answers · asked by jonas 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm really sorry to here this
i do understand where you are coming from if you don't want them you don't want them and your wife should not try and force you if it was the other way round would you understand
sorry to tell you because you are married they have to ask her permission as well the doctor will want to talk to her so you can do that
just tell her again you don't want kids and use condoms
make sure you buy them and look after them and why would you think you would be a naff dad yes it very scary having kids but she will be the one looking after them the most and i bet you would be a good dad most men love it
anyway good look
x k x
2006-09-19 22:42:00 · answer #1 · answered by kitthekat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES you can have the snip without telling her. You can get the snip done privately or at a family planning clinic. Having it done private is a bit expensive, but if you go ahead with it make sure you are 100% certain that you wont regret it in the future, as i do. I had the snip years ago, then met someone else after my marriage broke up. I wanted to have kids with my new partner but now cant. The longer you leave it after the op, the less likely a reversal will be successful. Good luck in whatever you decide to do
2006-09-19 23:41:14 · answer #2 · answered by david429835 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a good situation, If your wife wants children and you do not then you really have to tell her straight, she is now 35 and nearing the end of her child bearing days, you might be happy with your 3 cats but most women are not fulfilled unless they have children.. If you tell her now that there is no chance she is still young enough to start a new life without you because if it comes to the choice your wifes longing for children may come first ....do not take this right away from her she will end up hating you forever.
2006-09-19 22:43:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone wants children..that doesn't make you selfish..or your wife selfish for wanting one...but I agree with what the other person said, that this is a subject that should have been discussed prior to marriage..if it was and she is the one who soley wants a child now, then that may cause a riff in your relationship...gotta' have a mature talk together, cause' children are a huge responsiblity...Hate to tell you this, but the pill is not 100% effective, I have 3 children from 3 different forms of birth control, the 4th one was no birth control, all in there 20's now, and I am really glad they arrived..unexpected pleasant surprises, but not everyone feels that way...So, you may have to get snipped to secure you don't have kids, sorry to say this, but there are alot of women out there who'd just love to get a child support check from you, so.............?
2006-09-19 22:48:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're worried about being a naff dad I wouldn't worry so much. I mean I'm sure all adults think "oh my god, what kind of parent will I be" but you learn as you go.
Try speaking to your wife about this and just go over your fears with her. If it's still a case of no you don't want any then you have a bit of a problem there.
If you're really looking for ways not to have one there's the option of just faking it and (not being crude here) pull out before you climax. The only thing is don't get caught or that'll really not go down too well.
2006-09-19 22:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no point trying to lie about this. It makes me question your marriage. Surely this is something you should have discussed before you got married to each other. Marriage should really be about your future together so it makes a lot of sense to at least see if your hopes for the future match!
You need to talk to her. You said you love her so much but if you do, you need to tell her this then she has the choice to stay and live a life without something important to her, or leave and find someone to give her the future she wants. Unfortunately this is not a situation where there is a comprimise its kids or no kids!
Good luck
2006-09-19 22:45:52 · answer #6 · answered by lindsay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh sh*t..
1) stop having unprotected sex with your wife.
2) start marriage counseling ASAP!
do not let your wife force you into having kids. if you guys have kids when you dont want any, youll soon start to regret them and your wife for making you have them. you're wife is hoping that it will all be different when you have kids, but chances are that wont happen. you sound fairly certain that you dont want any.
kids know when they're not wanted by a parent. there is not a worse feeling in the world than feeling like you are a mistake for your parent.
you really need to sit down with your wife and have a serious talk with her. tell her how much you love her, but let her know that you dont want kids. you really need to have open, honest, and frank communication. it is what marriages need most. the last thing you want to do is start being deceitful and trying to make sure your wife doesnt get pregnant. it will freak her out on why she isnt getting pregnant and cause her to be FURIOUS at you when she finds out that your purposefully holding her back from having children.
i cant stress enough how much you have to talk to her and let her know how you feel. as much as i hate to say it and you'd hate to read it, you two might need to go your seperate ways. some people just arent meant to have kids, they're just not kid people, while others have overly parental feelings and need to have dozens of kids.. the two really dont work out well together.
do you guys have very many younger children in your lives? neices, nephews, cousins, siblings, etc? do you have some children that you can "borrow" (babysit) for a weekend? i know from time to time i get the baby-fever too, but it only takes a few hours with a messy, smelly, screaming toddler to make me love my birthcontrol. perhaps if she had to deal with one for an extended period, she would see things a little more differently.. it would be a good test for you as well.. could see what you think of having children around.
2006-09-19 22:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by .jess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say, but you two should've discussed this before getting married. Or maybe you did, but you were both hoping the other will change their mind, only this hasn't realised and now that her biological clock is ticking, it is a case of now or never.
If you trully love your wife, don't lie, its not fair on either of you. Discuss this and hopefully you can somehow come to a mutual agreement. Let me tell you this:being a parent is the BEST feeling in the world. My assumption regarding your not wanting kids probaly relates to you not wanting to cease going to pubs and having nights out with your mates. At some stage in your life you need to mature and look 20 years into the future. Wouldn't you like to be surrounded by kids, grandkids, instead of burping mates? Think about this long term: imagine playing on the beach with your kid calling you daddy, smiling at you and your wife and you thinking how beautiful it is to see your own kid resembling your/ wife's looks. Understand your wife too. She is a woman and a womans need to bring a child into the world is greater than having a life long partner. Sorry, but this is a fact. Good luck.
2006-09-19 23:44:36 · answer #8 · answered by ribena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not save your relationship with lies. If it is going to make it, it can only do so with honesty, compromise and respect. This is a major debate between the two of you. You need help in working through it. Find a qualified marriage counselor and get support in talking about this. A lot of emotions are at stake. Treat this issue with the adult care that it deserves. Invite her to join you in counseling, not as a sign that the marriage is on the rocks, but as a sign that you both are working on it as a mature couple facing some big questions.
2006-09-19 22:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is becoming desperate, and if she waits much longer she's risking her own health and disability for the child.
You must accept that people who enter into marriage have the right to expect children and this is cause for divorce (unreasonable behaviour) if one or the other refuses. If you really do love your wife you will respect her enough to sit down and tell her your true feelings and at least allow her to make an informed decision about her own future.
I'm sorry but thhis is the only real hope that you have
good luck
2006-09-19 22:44:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋