Are they worse than the abuser and should we start prosecuting them?
i'm studying to be a psychotherapist, and a lot of things i hear about child abuse the child tells the mum what daddy has been doing, and reactions can be anything from telling them off for lying, beating them for being evil to telling them its daddy's way of showing he loves you. quite often this does more psychological damage to the child than the abuse. i find this quite disturbing, am i wrong??
2006-09-19 22:34:28 · 21 answers · asked by Georgie's Girl 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
weatherman, read the question, i'm not saying only men abuse, because women that abuse are punishable by law, i'm just asking about the women who ignore it, what should their punishment be, and there are plenty of these women about,like i said i am studying this and i'm talking about cases i've worked on and ones i've read about, so get your eyes tested before you attack me.
2006-09-19 22:43:21 · update #1
Yeah ellie it is hard, i'm specialising in trauma, eg Rape,abuse, post traumatic stress, and i'm finding it hard to accept that although we see abuse as part of our society now, little is being done to people who can stop it but don't. every mum i know including me says that if she were told that there'd be no need for the police, just an undertaker, yet the women i'm counselling are saying i told mum and she slapped me. And i thought being a nurse was hard.
2006-09-19 22:50:15 · update #2
spindocc, get lost, as a nurse i have successfully retained my emotions whilst treating among others peadophiles rapists and wife beaters, and i continue to do that in my new job. but that doesn't mean i'm not human and don't have an opinion. i just noticed a reccuring theme in my work with people who have been abused by their father,THIS DOES NOT MEAN I THINK THAT THIS IS ALL THAT HAPPENS OR THAT ALL ABUSERS ARE MEN. i was just asking about these cases as i was wondering if these people are getting away with it because they have their wives to cover for them.
Oh yeah and the courts and government are doing such a great job of stopping abuse aren't they.
2006-09-19 23:18:52 · update #3
weatherman for gods sake read my last post to spindocc. i am referring to cases i have seen. i have also treated people who have been abused by their mothers, but not one told me that their dad knew and did nothing. i'm sure there are some out their but i haven't treated them. so ok for those of you who can't do it for themselves, should we prosecute Any family menber who allows abuse to happen. happy now.
and as for the most ridiculous part of you're question i treat male abuse victims, male rape victims, men who have been beaten by their wives and male soldiers with post traumatic stress, i also have 2 sons, does that tell you enough about my hidden agenda.
2006-09-19 23:27:02 · update #4
ar7 thank you very very much
2006-09-20 01:05:18 · update #5
I do love it when people on here read the question in bold but dont bother reading the rest of the question, WEATHERMAN are you listening. The question is specific about the abuse that the Wives or girlfriends of these abusers and there lack of help or stopping of said abuse thereof. If you want to bring up other varied points about child abuse do so yourself, just dont have ago at a person for not bringing up all the points on a huge subject. I'm in agreement with Angel on this one.
2006-09-20 02:08:14 · answer #1 · answered by Dumbledore 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Angel, it seems some of the people answering have used this question to get on their "high horse" about the presumed sex of the offender rather than the hideousness of the subject.
I too find your discoveries very disturbing, and while I accept that some partners may be in denial about what their other half has been up too, as a mum, I would have thought that the maternal/paternal instinct would have overtaken this. Afterall, most parents would do anything to protect their child. I believe that if it can be proven that the partner/spouse knew what was going on and did nothing, they should be charged with either the same offence or aiding & abetting.
You must be a strong individual to work with these scenarios every day, I wish you good luck for the future.
2006-09-20 08:01:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
the dilemma you pose is essentially asking if moral responsibility should be turned into a legal responsibility. it is difficult because ppl have differing perceptions of moral responsibility.
mothers have a great deal of responsibility already and are often so busy it is not because they are turning a blind eye to abuse but perhaps are too preoccupied to notice the signs.
if you are asking about cases where mothers do notice the signs and if they should do something then, i would agree that they have a moral responsibility to act in favour of their child. but i would not agree that they should be prosecuted to the same degree as they abuser because i thik there is a differece btw active (beating) and passive (neglect) abuse.
active abuse should be prosecuted to the full extent of teh law, but passive abuse (e.g. if they were just aware of it) should be punished to a lesser degree.
if they beat the child for 'being evil' that is actually active abuse in my book. if they condone the abuse by saying it is ok for it to happen that would be a greater degree of passive abuse than just being aware of teh signs and doing nothing.
horrible area, but thankfully many in our society are doing something about it. cos it still goes on it can seem as if it is never enough. but each individual child you help is worth so much more than sweeping social statements across the board. good luck with your work.
2006-09-20 05:55:29 · answer #3 · answered by Chintot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. Anyone who ignores child abuse is obviously touched in the head. You can ignore it once and believe that a child is making things up but once it becomes clear that something is wrong then if you ignore the situation you become nothing more than an accomplice!
people who ignore child abuse need help. it's wrong through and through, just like cruelty to the elderly and animals. As far as I am concerned they are all vulnerable and need support when things get out of hand.
hope you have an excellent career!! take it easy and don't let things get to you - people will need you but never ignore help when you need it! xx
2006-09-20 05:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
its denial,they cant bring themselves to believe the man they love could do that.it does make it much worse for the child,as the man will deny everything,which is called classic abuser denial,so not just the mother but people will not believe the child,especially as the mum is siding with dad,so the child goes into their selves..yes mothers should be prosecuted if their child has told them & they do nothing to stop it.I think the amount of kids abused by daddy or step daddy is alot higher than we think but most never utter a word & grow up into messed up adults with drink & drug problems. it is disturbing u are right.
2006-09-20 05:43:31 · answer #5 · answered by Chocoholic 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. Mothers do need to be charged with being an accomplice to abuse if they stand by and do nothing.
Also more disturbingly is that abuse by women (sexual, emotional and physical) is on the increase too.
Rather you do that job than me.... I don't think I could listen to these tales of abuse without wanting to kick the sh.it out of the parents.
2006-09-20 05:39:34 · answer #6 · answered by Ellie29uk 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Women who ignore abuse should be technically held part responsible it is the same as someone being an accessary to murder. The law states that ignorance is no excuse ...so therefore concealing a crime must also be punishable by law.
2006-09-20 07:58:47 · answer #7 · answered by glennyswiggin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with weatherman. Sometimes its not the man to blame for the abuse. Surely your study needs to be more equal rights and less sexist.
Psychotherapists also help offenders as well as the victims. You will one day met an offender, surely you will need to work them and treat them correctly. After all there are laws that cover this issue, for offenders whom wished to be rehabilated.
As much as you wish to bring this issue to the table with you, your points of views are not giving the chance for those who do this and why, the core problem is finding out this and helping it to change. Putting your feelings aside and letting the victim or offender speak.
If you choose to take this issue personally, then perhaps psychotherapy is not for you.
2006-09-20 05:44:30 · answer #8 · answered by lonely as a cloud 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
i know this happens and i think mothers who protect the abusers should be brought to justice also and kids removed ,, i understand alot of people may turn a blind eye probably its disbelief but i am sorry my kids come before any man and if any off my kids told me that something had happened under my roof i`d be on the phone to the police no hesitation !
2006-09-20 05:40:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
if a woman finds out her partner is abusing their child i assume it would be very difficult to accept. i have a baby and a toddler and i really believe my partner would never harm them.
remember, this would be the man who may seem normal, be loving towards her and is in many ways a doting adoring father. she would trust him, be intimate with him and may feel safe with him herself, it would be hard to believe he would be capable of harming their child.
she may be in denial and refuse to accept it, this situation would put her in a very difficult situation...
does she report her partner and maybe destroy the relationship (especially if the child actually was lying, attention seeking) or does she leave things as they are, assume the child's lying.
also she may have psychological problems herself, if so, would she be responsible for her subsequent decisions?
2006-09-20 05:49:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋