I met this girl off chat,we chatted for weeks then met up,we both got drunk and we slept together first night.after 2 mths she moved in,she spent a fortune on me at christmas,proposed to me on boxing day i said yes,because i loved her,
when we chatted on the computer she told me of 4 some she had and how she likes anal,her ex used to cheat on her all the time,she said she knew i was the one when i held her hand when i first met her.
marriage is in 3mths we been together 11mths,she sold her house to pay for the wedding and moved in,she has now come off birth control because she wants a family with me,
sex is few but i do really love her,but shes told me of her past shes been dumped by everyone,4 somes,one night stands,her ex was coppa used to cuff her and have anal the lot, but she wont do anything with me.
her ex got a lot more for lot less commitment.
i have got her for life am i the chump she settles down with,she told me of her past and i think what a stupid ****,help advice?
2006-09-19 22:15:21 · 31 answers · asked by matt31 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh dear u r in trouble-- a short relationship before marriage, she wastes no time thats for certain.
You aren't stupid, although did u not have any say in your future? it all sounds like it was her idea, to sell her house pay for everything, its all out of control..
Just tell her to slow down, it sounds like u bit off more than you could chew. It's not the end, just sit her down and be the man in this marriage, it sounds to me like shes the one wearing the trousers.
Don't do anything that you dont wish to, tell her not to talk about her past anymore and be the man..
If you married her under false pretenses youve only got yourself to blame. Love never comes easy and those that say it does are demented. marriage has to be worked at.
I hope my advice is what you wanted.. Good luck
2006-09-19 22:16:47 · answer #1 · answered by Scatty 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Should tell her how you feel. If you're too shy, what i did last time is that i call my secret admire. Sometime i wrote letter and e mail. But i can say, talk to her in person sure have the edge and more advantage.
Love is a lasting forever thing. So take your time. and no rush. Girls look at 2 things, handsome and good personality. You know what handsome is. Good personality is the way u act and speak and how u behave yourself, also how u conduct yourself. They often look for good qualities. This is quite a tough area to improve. In other words, if they like u, means they really like u. If not, then, don't be sad and give up like others do, maybe there's still a chance u can improve.
All the best to u.
2006-09-20 00:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I know this is an insult to your pride, but you're a good guy, just forget it all.
Heres the reason why she won't do it anymore: She was a different person then, she was wild, dangerous and naughty, but she doesn't want to be like that now. She wants to be good for you. She is a changed woman after she met you, she wants to be loyal to you, she really loves you and is lucky to have you. The ex might have got a lot more variation and activity in the bedroom department, but to her I think it all meant nothing, she just wanted fun. She didn't care about the people she slept with, but with you its a different story, she cares for you deeply, she loves you and by saying she won't do this with you, she is really showing it. It seems to me like she is head over heels in love with you. She has shown it in different ways. Help her to forget her past, don't mention any of it just forget it. She told you so that she would not have any secrets from you, she wanted to be open and honest with you. You're a lucky guy, because that must have been hard to do, she may be ashamed of her past. She doesn't just want sex with whoever comes along anymore, she wants to make love with you, and you only. She wants to show you that she is serious about you. Leave the variety of sex for a while, maybe a few years after your marriage she will feel more confident and secure about the fact that she is a changed woman she will be ready to do some of these things with you, but this time because she cares for you not just for sex. Its obvious that she likes sex, and so you're a very lucky man, you just need to give her that confidence and help her to forget her past.
I can see that you and your fiancee are going to have a very strong and exciting relationship and I wish you the best of luck.
I really am very happy for you. Congratulations.
2006-09-19 22:37:40 · answer #3 · answered by lakmii 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okkkkkkk - so you think you're a chump 3 months before your wedding? Well Ive heard of pre wedding jittters but it sounds to me like you dont want to do this at all.
If you really love her, her past shouldnt come into things - we've all done stupid things that we regret and your fiance is no different. Regarding the sex thing - ar you marrying her coz you love her - or because you thought you were guaranteed kinda freaky sex??
you need to talk to her about this - maybe she regrets the way her life was when she was sleeping around and doesnt want to make the mistake of repeating it.
have a heart to heart about it - if its only the sex that the problem is I really pity her for getting landed with you.
See beyond the physical side for a bit - do you REALLY love her?
2006-09-19 22:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
'I have got her for life' doesn't sound like you are particularly happy with this situation. If you can;t imagine spending your life with her and being happy, you must get out now. Things will get worse if you are married and six months down the line u realise it was a big mistake. Think carefully about whether you are making the right decision for YOU, and not about the fact you are scared of ending it because 'she has been dumped by everyone'. It is your happiness that is most important.
2006-09-19 22:25:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've walked into this one??? You already feel like you have walked into something? If you feel like this, stop it before you walk in. But are you really sure you want to walk out? You say you love her multiple times. Then tell me, why do you need more for less commitment? You agreed to marry her.I guess you agreed to have a family with her? Why are you calling yourself a chump if she is giving you so much? Dedication, belief and her feeling of trust to you. And all you need is 4 somes and anal like she got 'used' with her other bf? if you don't want all this, break her heart now, before she gets broken even more.
2006-09-19 22:30:10 · answer #6 · answered by kobe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you want more excitement with her, why not tell her what you want, women are not psychic and it would help if you told her of the things you want to do and experience with her, perhaps she is unaware. Or maybe you are dwelling too much on her past, and should accept the fact that she no longer wants to do, some people change and you have to decide if you really love her and can live with her for the rest of your life. If you aren't sure then postpone the wedding until you know what you really want
2006-09-19 22:25:28 · answer #7 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It might be because she feels that her actions in the past led to her unhappiness. If she does all these things again, you might fall for one of the other ladies, or it might be because she has bad memories and feels like with you she doesn't have to do all those things to please you, that the sacrifices she has made is enough for you to be happy. Try asking her if evry once in a while you could try cuffs, or anal, and in return you will try something for her. Be patient, give it time, and keep working on it, just don't push to hard.PUCKERUPBUTTERCUP
2006-09-19 22:22:28 · answer #8 · answered by florida 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought you said you love her? Are you only marrying her so you can have anal? If you are only after one thing then stop this wedding right now. You are going into it for the wrong reasons. Ever thought she might not have enjoyed the sex in previous relationships? She might be happy with the way things are now. Don't spoil it by being a spoilt brat.
2006-09-19 22:18:12 · answer #9 · answered by Emma W 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
golly things have gone too fast and she's had to tell you all her stuff at once and you've obviously not told her anything. this marriage is not a good idea yet! post-pone it. she can save the money and you can still live together but you don't know each other well enough and she needs councelling. getting married won't fix how bad she feels about herself.
2006-09-20 08:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by minerva 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋