We have been married 10 years now. I have PCOS and after several years of meds I am not real hopeful on getting pregnant. My hubby says if it happens it happens. He says he is not interested in adopting because you never know what problems the child is going to have. I want a child soooooooo bad. Any suggestions for getting him to even consider adopting would be appreciated. (He wont talk about it). He is really good with our nieces and nephew. I know he would be a great dad.
2006-09-19 21:55:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he says that he doesn't care if we have kids or not. before we got married we talked about having kids. I can not immagine living the rest of my life without having kids. He is my best friend and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world but the thought of not ever being a mother makes my heart hurt.
2006-09-19 22:10:15 · update #1
I feel really sorry for couples who desperately try to have children of their own, but who for ‘medical reasons’ are unable to do so. Many have spent a fortune on IVF treatments and such, but are still unable to have children.
It is interesting to note that if you do a ‘Question Search’ here on Yahoo7 Answers, there are currently 7,096 results for ‘abortion’ as opposed to only 2,212 for ‘adoption’.
It saddens me to see so many people favouring the ‘termination of a pregnancy’ rather than affording the unborn baby the opportunity of having loving parents through ‘adoption’.
I don’t know if you have considered the option of ‘foster care’….
Perhaps ‘fostering a child’ is something that your husband may consider taking a look at.
You mentioned that your husband says he is not interested in adopting, because you never know what problems the child is going to have.
It is all well and good for him to adopt the attitude that ‘if it happens it happens’…
But what he needs to realise, is that the longer it takes to happen, and the older you get, the bigger risk there is going to be to the baby.
Even if you do have a baby of your own, there is no ‘guarantee’ that the baby won’t have problems.
You said that your husband doesn’t want to talk about adoption.
Perhaps you can download some information about ‘adoption’ from the internet, and tell him to read it.
I don’t know what else to suggest to you, other than to sit down with your husband, and explain to him that you feel a real ‘emptiness’ in your life, and despite the fact that you love him so very much, you won’t feel ‘fulfilled’ until such time that you are able to mother a child… whether it be a child of your own… an adopted child… or a fostered child.
I wish you well !!!
2006-09-19 21:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We went to 4 adoption agencies and I live 8 hours away from my family. All the agencies did not provide a child after we followed all the laws passed all background checks and home studies but no child came. I am 47 and my husband has moved forward. I am lonely living in a large house not offense but I came from a family who were close my husband did not. However, it is driving me crazy not to have a family. Can someone on this web cite email how to convince my husband that I need to have a family and child. I live in Northern VA and it is impossible to make friends at this age when all my friends live out of state and out of the country and have family of their own meaning children. CAN SOMEONE please email me dkcgarg@yahoo.com as to what I should do. I would be glad to help anyone else with their questions. Donna
2015-12-05 09:51:17 · answer #2 · answered by DC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it all too well. He says if it is not his child he won't be able to cope with the difficulties it will get. He wants the child to be just like him (or a bit like me), same interests, same difficult character,... So nothing I can say to change that. Maybe you could ask him this and try to use it against him? I don't know. But I'll read all the answers to your question. And tons of good luck!! Try not to be too afraid he'll leave you for a fertile woman
2006-09-19 22:04:03 · answer #3 · answered by kobe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me on this one, no means no works both ways. He doesn't want to, you would be wise to accept it. If you keep pushing, all you will do is push him away towards some other woman who doesn't want kids either. Adopting a child is too serious a life decision to be "convinced" and he's already drawn the line in the sand.
2006-09-19 22:20:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to convenience him talk to him every day act to him that u r very upset by not havi9ng a child so that he can change. Do not eat or drink for more than one or two days tell him to consider about this matter and if he agrees with u then only u will have food.
2006-09-19 22:02:19 · answer #5 · answered by valu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out his real fear of this situation. Is it the not knowing what your going to get? Maybe he feels like he can't get you pregnant and it makes him feel inadequate, or it might just be he doesn't want his own kids. Once you have identified the problem, it might be in your best interest to seek help it this matter. Fixing the problem is the biggest hurdle.GOODLUCK
2006-09-19 22:04:54 · answer #6 · answered by florida 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your IVF-invitro fertilization treatment in India .IVF treatment, IUI, ICSI and Laparoscopic surgery is very cheap in India. There is one company that is very famous in India that arranges all types of medical treatment and surgery for foreigners in India. They are called the Forerunners Healthcare. I read a lot about them in the Newspapers and about their patient stories. I have also read that they arrange financing for American and Canadian patients, as some of the surgery including ivf treatment is not covered by insurance.
They also have photos pasted of their International patients. You can checkout their website. The cost savings are incredible. As a doctor I personally believe that your treatment and surgery can be easily handled in India, as the quality of healthcare available here is simply best in the world. The doctors are USA/UK trained and facilities are 5 star. I recently also read about a Chinese couple facilitated by forerunners healthcare were able to get their baby by IVF and a surrogate mother.
My cousin and her husband got their IVF treatment in India through the forerunners healthcare in India and is all praise for this company. She is a known case of PCOS.She is a very happy mother of a baby boy now. She just paid 2500 pounds for the full treatment for which she was quoted 8000 pounds in private setup in UK.I strongly recommend this company to you as they can be of great help to you. Hope this helps.
http://www.forerunnershealthcare.com
2006-09-20 18:52:13 · answer #7 · answered by Donna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps the reason he is so good with the nieces and nephews is that he can send them home afterward ... it sounds to me that he really has no desire for children but would accept the responsibility if you had them. additionally, i think his real reason for not adopting is that his ego demands they be of his blood ... have you considered surrogates? (another woman implanted with your fertilized egg from your husbands sperm - i.e., testtube babies)
2006-09-19 22:01:52 · answer #8 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to him about child u show him some photos about sweet baby's u attract him to a baby u share your feelings with him.
2006-09-19 22:06:47 · answer #9 · answered by Nikky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does he really understand how you feel?
how about a surrogate mom, if you have sisters that could carry child for you.
maybe that is something to talk to hubby about.
2006-09-20 00:14:34 · answer #10 · answered by Forever Looking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋