I told her I have to have boyfriends to find a dad (lol, not desperate, just how I explained it to a child) and that someday, one of those boyfriends will be what she wants so bad. Was this a bad way to word it to her, getting her hopes up for what she wants every time i go on a date?
2006-09-19 21:10:03 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
her dad left before she was born and won't see her...
2006-09-19 21:15:01 · update #1
you did ok. At least you are communicating with her... Keep it light with her
2006-09-20 05:49:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to tell from the information you have given. I am judging this pretty much from what I know from my girlfriends since I have not been in this situation.
If you two have pretty much been a "couple" for a period of time she very well may be jealous of you spending time with guys on dates. I don't think I would explain it quite the way you did. I would just tell her that you need to get out. Now, it is entirely possible she knows what dating is all about--if she takes the lead in talking in the direction that you explained it that would be fine. But, if not I think it is best just to stick to the idea that you need some time out. Be sure and not neglect your attention with her just because you may be dating.
There is also the possibility that she is jealous because she would like you to be together again with her father. I can't tell because there is not enough information here. If that is indeed the case then you do need to spend some time with her explaining that you and her Dad and not getting back together again.
Hopefully, this is a situation where her father is sitll a healthy influence in her life. Be sure that she has enough time with him--especially in the latter situation
2006-09-20 04:57:02 · answer #2 · answered by beckychr007 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read something good concerning this very subject not too long ago.
Put your child first and your own needs after. It sounds to me as if you're making excuses for dating while you have a child still at home, whereas the best thing for that child would be to have their parent full-time until such time the child is dating (about 16 or 17).
No, not because the child's dating, too, but because that would be the age when *they* would finally "get it" and KNOW why their parents crave companionship like they do.
I know it's not what you want to hear, but if you saw the astronomical amount of men my sister-in-law and her mother went through and what they put the kids in our family through...
When you have a child, sometimes their needs have to come first. ;)
2006-09-20 04:24:05 · answer #3 · answered by coorissee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not every man that conceives a child is meant to be a father. Obviously, this guy doesn't want to see her, as she stated in her additional details.
I probably wouldn't have explained to her that dating helps you find a daddy for her, because children are impatient and a lasting relationship takes years to develop.
You're single, and she's going to have to understand that dating will be a part of your life.
Make sure you keep your dating life and her seperate. She feels like these dates are taking her time with you away from her. Spend extra time with her, and help her to understand that it won't interfere with you being her mom.
Also, wait until you're certain that your relationship with a man is serious before you bring your daughter into the ordeal. Men coming and going out of her life will just make it harder for her.
2006-09-20 04:19:55 · answer #4 · answered by ahillman42000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think part of what she wants is just a strong male figure in her life. it doesn't have to be a dad or a boyfriend. Maybe a male teacher, or something along those sorts. Or maybe she says those things because she feels like she's the only kid without a dad. Perhaps explaining to her that families come in all shapes and sizes would work. I bet your local library has plenty of good books/videos on this topic.
2006-09-20 04:19:06 · answer #5 · answered by Stacey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id stick with mommy needs a grown up to talk with just like you have your friend (insert name here )to play with .its a not promising her or any thing and then she wont feel threatend by a new person in her life because he just moms friend .
you know that perfect family they see on TV because if she thinks you can bring home a perfect guy then you may have a battle on your hands finding him.
or perhaps she thinks that if her real dad doesn't want to see her( and that hurts a little one) that these men you see will only love you and not her as well so where will that leave your little girl alone and sharing you with this stranger . I think she might just be feeling a little threatened by you showing affection that you show to her on some guy that she isn't used to.
2006-09-20 04:36:20 · answer #6 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would explain her the reason that some kids live with one of their parents and she is lucky to be with her mom. You can also tell him that her father is dead,if not she will continue to search for her Dad among strangers that can cause her troubles.
If you want to date,It is better to do it at the time she is in kindergarten or any classes.If she does n't go to any classes ,register her to an art class or anything that she likes.Tell her you want to make her enjoy her life.Do not tell her that you are dating.In 6, children like to feel that they are the center of universe.My own daughter did not let my husband and I talk.She always sat between us and madw me to sit at the back seat of the car near her.It is normal and will be disappeared after 1-2 years.
Be patient,Tell her that she is your heart and no one can fill her place in your life.
2006-09-20 04:54:35 · answer #7 · answered by Lili 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even little kids know now that you sometimes have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. The way you said it is OK, you didn't make it sound like you expect it to be the next guy. Just be careful, one of these times she will get attached to one of your boyfriends and demand you marry him. Most likely, it will be one who really isn't ready to settle down and you're not sure about.
2006-09-20 04:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by Kuji 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah it was the wrong way to say to her. You should have told her that just like SHE needs both boy and girl friends so do you, (Not for a potential parent sheesh), and that as an adult you need to spend time with your adult friends, just like she, as a child needs to spend time with her children friends. Talk about setting a kid up for disappointment.
2006-09-20 04:23:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your daughter closed to your bf now. Tell your bf to bring something for your daughter all those she wants. 100% she will allow you to have dating now.
2006-09-20 04:23:01 · answer #10 · answered by vsg0818 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Has it ever crossed your mind that she wants the REAL dad????
2006-09-20 04:14:08 · answer #11 · answered by Λиδѓεy™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋