I am getting close to a man at work who is in an unhappy relationship. I first said that he had to get out of that relationship and then spend some time on his own before I could even think about anything, but we are becoming closer anyway. I know it is wrong but I haven't been in a relationship for 5 years, and it is a year or so since a man has cuddled me, or stroked my hair, or been the slightest bit affectionate to me, and I am desperately lonely. I don't have a partner, nor my parents any more, or any close family and I am tempted to fall into an affair just to feel special for a while. I convince myself that he is in a bad situation and just needs some TLC as well but I know deep down that he has to sort his life out himself and that it would doubtless be just a sexual thing for him, whereas I am looking for nurturing and affection.
I am 35
Any advice would be much appreciated!
2006-09-19 21:01:40 · 21 answers · asked by catangelwings 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow - there ARE people out there :) thanks for your advice!
2006-09-19 21:06:38 · update #1
SURE IF YOU WANT HERPES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
2006-09-19 21:05:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definately dont! I know the tempatation is HUGE because everyone wants to feel special and appreciated, but getting into an affair with a coworker will only bring trouble. Think of how you feel now with no partner and no family and how you will feel after when the affair ends, you may lose your job and you will be back at square one just with more problems.
If he is unhappy in his relationship then he needs to speak with his partner about it and sort it out. Remember a relationship is just like a bike, and the third wheel is always the spare.
I suggest that you look for love somewhere else and if he finds you attractive and easy to talk to then there are plenty more men out there without all the baggage that will think the same.
Good luck girl
2006-09-19 21:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by queen_of_highclass_insanity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there done that and boy did I struggle. You think you know what you are getting into at first, but the emotional roller coaster is waiting around the corner. It may not hit after the 1st time, but the 3rd or 4th will start to get crazy. Then, you want him, he is confused about his home life... he makes you feel great and you make him notice the things he doesn't have, but he still doesn't know if he wants to leave her....you try to move on, you can't get him off your mind....he decides to work it out at home...you find someone else....then he starts to get a little jealous. If he does actually leave her alone and get out...DON'T touch him with a 10 ft pole as far as a relationship...he will totally be in the rebound mode, not to mention legally single and may not be interested in only seeing you. He would then want to test the waters so to speak. Be Careful, no matter what you decide to do.
2006-09-19 21:10:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct in thinking that you would be a fling. If he is unhappy but still will not try to fix it or get out, chances are you won't affect his decision. I can understand that not having anyone to hold you is a very tough and heartaching thing, but imagine if he was to give you that affection you crave and then decides to work on his relationship at home, or show another his affection. Then you would back where you are now and hurt even more, and thats no way to live. My advice is to get out and try to meet new people. Go with your friends or other co-workers and see what the world has to offer you. You deserve a man of your own, not one to share. HANGINTHERE
2006-09-19 21:10:03 · answer #4 · answered by florida 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it seems that u r in a really hard position...but i would definitely suggest u to first put urself in the other girl's place... take her place and think that maybe they r just going through a difficult time and thats all... maybe hes not in such a difficult moment as he says and hes trying to get an affair. at the end of the day hes going home and hes sleeping in the same bed as her... whereas ull be back home by urself. i think u shouldn't let something happen just yet... if hes truly deciding to move on and forget about the other girl...then after hes COMPLETELY out of the other girl's picture...then make ur move... DONT BE THE REASON OF THEIR DIVORCE! be cool and be patient...u did it for 5 years and u could do it for a bit more... ull feel better about urself... if he doesnt leave her after some time...then he was just trying to get a girl on the side...dont be a victim! (just an opinion)
2006-09-19 21:15:44 · answer #5 · answered by Sir_J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think, definitely don't be with him whilst he is in this unhappy relationship... If you both really like each other maybe just take it slowly at the start, after he's out of the relationship. Although it is best to spend some time alone inbetween relationships, sometimes it just doesnt happen. So tell him to get out of the relationship, & hook up, dont rush into things, but only if you both feel it's right, maybe you'll be what each other need at the moment? But if he's not getting out of this relationship, dont go there, so just be careful, you don't want to end up being hurt.
2006-09-19 21:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by idk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you answered your own question.You are lonely so you are looking for some loving.He should be off bounds because he already has someone.Whether he is in a good relationship or not it shouldn't matter.And just think,if you did have a fling and it didn't work out(which in all likely it probably wouldn't) you would be even more lonely.Why don't you join a group,go out with friends or even join a dating service.You would be much happier doing that.Enjoy your life and don't get too involved in his problems.Look after yourself.My opinion only of course.
2006-09-19 21:09:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea!!!!
You'd be setting yourself up for a serious heartache
Having a fling with an involved man no matter how tempting
shouldn't be an option.Not to mention you work with him.
What he is wanting is not what you need to out of a relationship.
Your are worth more then an occasional fling.
You deserve to be happy .Pursuing a relationship with him outside of friends is just going to hurt you in the end.
2006-09-19 21:17:26 · answer #8 · answered by kandn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure!! U can have all the flings that U want....just make sure U or the other person dont get any feelings involved or U'll B getting alot more than U asked 4.
2006-09-19 21:11:21 · answer #9 · answered by stressing_over_what 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother was in a similar situation and trust me you'll just end up getting into something you dont deserve. i kow this sounds odd, but ul be the bad one, if it doesnt make any difference now it will in the future, and then ofcourse, imagine he might do that to you one day. you'll be the one that weill be hurt
2006-09-19 21:06:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fling yourself into a cold shower, that should cool you off enough to think straight.
2006-09-19 21:08:47 · answer #11 · answered by raininmyshoe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋