I feel guilty. I don't know what to do?

Question

My mom's mother passed away on March of this year. When that happened, I tried to cheer her up, talk to her a lot, drop everything to visit her and stuff. I moved out of the state last month and now I found out my mom's father passed away. So I called my mom and she was crying a lot and she say she will be sure to get few of things I left at grandparent's house. I feel so bad because I really don't want to put anymore pressure on her. I really don't know what to do. Ever since her mother pass away, my mom seems to ignore me and pay more attention to my sis and half brother. I feel like I did something wrong. I don't know what to do and it's really hurting me and I'm afaird that soon my mom will forget about me. Eventhought I love her dearly and I'm usually always the first one to be there for her. I was her first child, I remeber we use to be only two home when my dad work and we would spend all day doing things together. She have done so much for me. I wasn't the best behaving child

or straight A student. I wasn't exactly college material eventhought I attend college. I may not be a lawyer or doctor, but I'm happy with where I'm right now in life, I work hard to become a semi pro Muay Thai fighter and I'm proud of it and on way to being a professional fighter. I'm still attending college. I still feel that my mom doesn't really love me like as she love my sis or half brother. I remeber one night before thanksgiving, she was having pain in chest and she refuse to go to doctor. My sis was complaining about her cell phone not working and my half brother was being brat. I was only one who was all over her yell at her and tell her to go to hospital. She finally did and doctor told her that I did right thing. Then when her mother passed away, I took a day off work and training to go and visit her. I tried to talk with her and stuff. but I don't know if I do right thing. Now I'm really afaird my mom will be even more distant from me eventhough I try hard to help her.

Answer 1

Your mom has a lot of healing to do herself, when my mother passed away, my mind was a million different places all at once, and I can't say that I always paid attention to the most important people in my life.

Give her time, let her heal ( or try to heal, it's a long process), and just stay there right by her side( figuratively, I know you're out of state).Don't focus on the things that were left at the grandparents house, etc. ( not to imply that you were, but let her know that's not important )

And finally, don't worry that she'll forget you, a mom can never do that.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

When my dad passed and left mom behind I tried doing everything for her and my brother. I am a worry wart anyway and this was very hard on me to a point. I decided to get her a cordless phone for a number of reasons and she will not part with it. It needed a battery so instead of throwing it away and getting a new one she replaced the battery for a comparable price. The one thing you can do is visit her, set the time so it is you and her. When a girl looses her dad it hurts. Girls bond with their fathers knowing that they protect and provide. Does anything need fixed around the house? My brother and I do alot of the fixing. Good luck and be patient. My mom and dad loved me as a first and I cherish the memories.

Answer 3

Don't be so hard on yourself..She has gone through alot in the past year. Dealing with the death of both parents can be hard on someone . Just give her time she will be fine...Maybe you could go home and spend a couple more days with her..She probably misses you very much but she doesn't want to bother you so far away..Your siblings are right there..So don't feel that you aren't loved because you are I am sure of it..

Answer 4

I understand how this is hard for you as I've been there before but you're Mum's just having a hard time at the moment. you say you've moved out so maybe it's just coz she sees your sister and half brother more often then you because you go to college and training.

Make sure she knows you're there for her when she needs you. Eventually she'll be better and knowing that you're there for her might make her feel better at the moment. Otherwise sit down with her one day and tell her how you're feeling and explain to her you know that she is having a hard time but you feel left out.

Answer 5

Don't feel guilty. Be kind to yourself. Your mother is having to deal with mortality and may be trying to get as close to your siblings as she is to you. Don't automatically assume the worst. Be there for her as much as you can be and she will never forget you. Remember that your mom may not be able to be your moral support right now so you have to take care of your own well being.

Answer 6

Just be with her - both physically when you can and by phone or mail when you can't. Give her your support and love during this trying period for her and try not to judge her emotions, words or actions during this times.

Put aside your needs, anxieties and worries about her feelings for you. Love always works best when you give without taking. It will work out. She loves you and you will always remain her child in that loving motherly heart. Take it easy and train hard, but give her some of your love.

Answer 7

I'm sorry you feel like this but you must be patient and understanding.
let things doing by themselves , talk with her or just seat down close to her even if you don't talk and share her sadness but not so deeply because that could keep her in it.

I lived the same thing and in the same time i lost a cousin who was like my sister, so don't worry if she seems to ignore you.
she probable doesn't know how to express her feeling to you
sometime people seem to ignore the person they love so much because they scared to loose them too.
and don't loose contact with her,, show her that you'll always be for her like in the past
she probably was very close to her mom and dad so you must be patient.
and i can tell you that we never forget our lost parents, but they still forever in our heart and in our memories
sorry if my English is not correct.

Answer 8

It may be hard for you to understand her right now but just remember that she is going very sad times in her life. Talk to her about how you feel when things are a little better. Right now, just do whatever you can to help ease her pain.

Answer 9

dude i am deeply sorry. but as far it looks that your mom know that you are a good kid and that know that you can take care of things. also get thing done too. so dont worry and move forward and look out for you sis and bother.
look at this way that you are turning to a man and could do your best to be a grest man that you can

Answer 10

why do you think she would forget you ? if she is a loving mother ,she would never do that ,it could be that your younger siblings need her more ,mothers like to be needed ,keep trying to see her and try to put these thought out of your head unless their is something really obvious to show that she doesn't want you around ,like her never calling or not talking to you when you call ,try not to read too much into every thing,