I'm in my 20s and in love with my best friend (who is a guy). We've been inseparable for about two and a half years...it's like we're dating except it's completely plutonic (no sexual stuff at all). He flirts with me like CRAZY ex. teasing, tickling, yesterday he was supposed to pick me up for something but I ended up having to work and he said "that sucks, I was really looking forward to seeing you". About a year ago I asked him why we weren't dating, and he said that he didn't want to ruin the friendship. He's dated two girls for maybe two/three weeks each in the last two years and I know he's not gay. He's a smart guy, so I'm not sure if he realizes that eventually we'll meet other ppl and not stay really close friends like we are now. I'm confused, if he loves me like he says he does, why wouldn't he want to be with me...thinking marriage. If anyone could shed some light on this for me I'd appreciate it! Thanx.
2006-09-19 20:14:25 · 20 answers · asked by way_2_short84 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is pretty complex but here are a few thoughts. What is his background? Did his parents have a loving marriage? A childhood full of negative images of marriage can effect both men and women. I don't really buy the "don't want to ruin a great friendship" line, at some point the thought of a great life together should out weigh his fears... I mean that is why most relationships end, you realize that you are not with "the one" and you go your different ways. There is always the chance that he just does not feel a sexual connection to you, he could have you up on a pedestal, or view your relationship as more protective, like a brother to a sister. If I was you I would lay my cards down on the table and tell him that you don't understand why your relationship has not evolved into a committed, romantic one. At least that way you will know how he feels.... and even if you learn something that will make you sad, at least you can move on from it and get to a place where you are ready to meet someone new. You are either building a future or wasting time with him... that is how I see it. Good luck. You deserve to be with a man whose heart flutters when you walk in a room.
2006-09-19 20:34:54 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly,u have to know HOW U FEEL?, then his real feelings.I think he is afraid of commitment or he does not want to lose a good pal.I think u shud give him time.If u guys are really close then even if u meet new people things will not change.U shud also be ready for a negative response from him which I am afraid might happen too.Anyway please be realistic u sound like a very nice girl if not him then soon u will meet ur Mister Right!!Meanwhile do not lose sleep over it but get a third person perspective,maybe ur best girl/boy friend who knows both of u can find out his real feelings without intimidating him.Remember u cannot force love or marriage on someone,& believe me men take time to commit.All the best for future.
2006-09-20 03:28:52 · answer #2 · answered by Priya M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You now have fallen into the friendship trap. This can go both ways male or female. You should have made it known to him WAY SOONER about your feelings for him before you got to this point. Now he sees you as someone to hang out like his guy friends. He might have seen you at first as girlfriend material, but you never gave him that vibe so he moved on mentally and emotionally about you and him being a couple.
In the future, you need to define what you want in a relationship. Also don't wait 2.5 years to let it be known you like him on a more personal level.
2006-09-20 03:26:22 · answer #3 · answered by davester1970 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't reserved just for men. Women can be the same way. I know from experience. I don't have an answer for you, except that that's just the way he is. Something's keeping him from commiting. When you say flirting, has he kissed you? I mean really kissed you? Has it gone that far, yet? If not, perhaps you should initial it. If it has gone that far, then I'd say something has definitely spooked him. Maybe you, maybe a past experience. If you are really wanting to catch him, you may have to put a little more effort into it.
2006-09-20 03:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like him, be patient with him, girl. If he's really meant to be your future partner in life, he won't leave you. He's just not ready yet, that's all! I think he's a real gentleman.
You should be glad that he behaves this way with you. You also need to be making more friends and widening your circle of possible partners in the meantime, without any commitments.
It's to your advantage to do this because you can wait until you are very certain, before you pick your partner. You are still young and have plenty of time.
2006-09-20 03:56:05 · answer #5 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ats a tough one. There could be a few anwsers to it. Maybe he is afraid that if you to star dating and something goes wrong, he won't have you as a friend. Maybe he just sees you as a friend and thats it, or it might just be that he thinks of you as a siste and he can't look beyond that. Thats what has happen to me before. Its going to be hard for you, and nerve racking, but you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. Also let him know that no matter what, you still want to be friends even if he doesn't want anymore than that.
2006-09-20 03:24:22 · answer #6 · answered by florida 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is afraid if things dont work out he will lose you for good. Yup, he is totally in love with you, and you also love him too. Your story sounds so cool that it reminded my past, the mistake we made was we interfered sexual feelings with it, the outcome= i lost my best friend, i talk to her everyday but i cannot be as close to her as i was before, i miss the hugs, the tickling, the teasing, the jokes, the sleep overs, i really do admire her alot. We were attached but suddenly apart.
Your friend here is the smart one, he will not date you, i think he will purpose you for a marriage in near future. If i had the remote to rewind my past, i would do the same thing like your friend is doing.
2006-09-20 03:22:56 · answer #7 · answered by Jendralus 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well you can contact me if u like....just playin
but no i had da same thing .. like i been good freinds with this gurl and always thought she was good enough to go out with but i always had fun talking to her unlike other gurls....I would even talk to her about girls i liked and she would make jokes about some of them...and occasionally i would talk in a flutish manner with her, because I thought if i practice on her i will get better and its not like she minds since we were really "just good freinds" and usually she sent me some hints which i purpossly ignored also....she also sort of asked me out once and i changed the topic.....well after sometimes we both had to go out seperate ways i had to move for a while...and when i came back i saw her again and I haven't talked to her for a very long time sooo I just started talking to her on the spot, and I thought to myself how beautiful she looks and that I should ask her out....welll 2 mins later her boyfriend walks in the room and she introduces himmmm...dat was a big shock...so in comparrison my story is some what familiar to yours but from the guys opint of view...this way you know that is reallly going on...now its up to you to decide on what to do....I would personally telll you to keep at it and keep pushing farward, because having a really tite friend as ur couple is a reallly goood thing to have and to loose that is really too sad...
2006-09-20 03:26:05 · answer #8 · answered by 0_0 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason why your friend won't ask you out is because he is not in love with you. He only sees you as a friend ----- like a sister. I know this sounds mean or unbelievable, but this actually can occur. Have you ever seen the show "Friends"? Joey fell madly in love with Rachel. However, Rachel did not love him. They lived together, joked around together, teased each other, but she did not love him that way. She told him that she loved him as a friend, but was not in love with him. There are different types of love in this world. Just because your friend is not in love with you does not mean that he doesn't love you. He may just love you like he would love a sister.
2006-09-20 03:25:16 · answer #9 · answered by -- 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you really like this guy. You need to be honest with him and tell him how you feel. You can't continue living like this because someday you will regret never acting. It might make your friendship more awkward but I'd be willing to bet that this guy is just shy and probably shares some of these feelings towards you.
2006-09-20 03:19:27 · answer #10 · answered by augustwestmusic 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋