i meet this guy in college and we hit it off really well. I was going through a divorce and he was still with his girlfriend of 6 years but was very un happy and wanted to leave her so we were kinda going through the same thing together. We started really liking eachother and got serious. it has been six months now and he is still with her because he says he dont make enough money to move out and live on his own and that I need to be patient and give him more time to get settled. I offered him to come and live with me until he got situated but then he says he will still have to pay child support and cant afford it right now so i dont know what to do. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but is stuck and cant leave his situation yet but he doesnt want to be with her and he wants to be with me and he doesnt know what to do so what do you think the best advice for me is???? Is it worth waiting any longer for?
2006-09-19 20:03:01 · 20 answers · asked by kristen e 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Boy!! You have some serious facts to consider here, this is such an important decision, and yes why trust vague, uninformed, incomplete answers, you need to ask yourself several questions, and it doesn't sound like this guy is being honest, he doesn't want to come out of his comfort zone, he is used to being in this living arrangement with this woman, and wants everything too easy, including yourself.
I think you have made things easy for him, because of the fact that you are very vulnerable too, right now and do need support, but you are not getting the kind of support you should, you are getting more confused by the day, you should consider his behavior and really take it to heart, he is a user, for not leaving and using the other girl to have a place to live because he doesn't make enough to live on his own. Why would you want someone like that, you need to take some serious inventory of this.
And, you are getting out of a marriage, going through a divorce, divorces are difficult things to go through, there is a lot to sort out, you need to spend time alone and think about all the things that are going on, and not take the easy way out, by going from one bad situation to another, this guy doens't sound marriage or relationship material, he is way too used to getting it for nothing, whether it's a home, a girl, just surviving? Maybe, but he needs to get his life together, he is not even financially stable, the worst thing you can do is have him move in with you, why would you offer that, a man is to offer that to a woman, but not even that, marriage is the right thing, with the right person.
Why avoid doing the right things? If this guy loved you, he would've been with you by now. A last word of advice, read these books, they will change the way you see yourself. When Love goes wrong, look it up on Amazon, it is a great book and
10 Stupid things women do to mess up their lives, by Dr. Laura. L. I'm sure you've heard of it, it will really do you a lot of good. I hope you truly value yourself and make the right decision.
This guy needs to get settled with his habits, and telling the truth, don't give men things too easy, they never appreciate it if you do, they end up taking you for granted and think, (where is the challenge) this is too boring, don't make yourself too available, and needy. It's the worst thing to do. Also go find Christian Carter's website on how to deal with men. Hope this helps
2006-09-19 20:24:38 · answer #1 · answered by You are loved 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Should tell him how you feel. If you're too shy, what i did last time is that i call my secret admire. Sometime i wrote letter and e-mail. But i can say, talk to him in person sure has the edge and more advantage.
Love is a lasting forever thing. So take your time. and no rush. Boys look at 2 things, prettiness and good personality. You know what pretty is. Good personality is the way u act and speak and how u behave yourself, also how u conduct yourself. They often look for good qualities. This is quite a tough area to improve. In other words, if they like u, means they really like u. If not, then, don't be sad and give up like others do, maybe there's still a chance u can improve.
All the best to u.
2006-09-20 01:57:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been through a similar situation and I really hate to be the one to give the answer you already know is the best one for yourself.....NO, it is not worth waiting for him or anyone else for that matter....Guys like that are not MEN - the fact that he does not have any dignity in being and 'doing' the right, honest, honorable duty to his 'girlfriend' (he didn't even have the guts to marry the mother of his child....hint, hint on 'character'. & child - come on....that is his kid and if he has to undo himself from his 'supposed' miserable existence with his girlfriend and pay 'child support' (yeah, he has to pay that everyday anyway, right....another hint, hint...not to bright this 'guy'...poor kid-...to HIS OWN CHILD....that is a lame, weak issue he brings up to you and you have to be a stronger woman and think about your own dignity & self-respect. You deserve better than a whiner....you deserve a man who is going to treasure you and choose you above all other subjects re: of the consequences he might face, if any....Another point, DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH MARRIED OR COMMITTED MEN - I know, an old wives tale, blah, blah, blah, but you know what? When an older person says something, it is usually true and we should listen and act with that knowledge in an educated manner - treat others as you want to be treated, that would be a start....you will then be the one 'in control' of your life and days and these 'guys' who think they have it 'going'....will find themselves very far away from yourself - exactly where they belong. You know all this, do not shut down that voice inside of you....otherwise you would have never even thought about asking this question.....good luck.. I know it is hard but you have to firm with your desires - it will only make you more interesting & exciting to others, take care of yourself first...this guy has enough women taking care of him - Start living you new found freedom with an renewed sense enegerized independent thinking that caters to your wants & needs FIRST, self-appreciation, AND A LOT self-respect. Like I said, you know this already....DO IT, BE IT....and LIVE in peace. There will be someone else....
2006-09-19 20:26:42 · answer #3 · answered by Susan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Out of the frying pan into the fire; seems to be the answer of the most. And indeed it is true. Either he should stand up like a man and face the challanges or who should call it a day. My advice is that you step aside for a while, leave him to settle his life. In the meantime dont contact him and start living / enjoying your life once again. Hopefully you will meet someone with lesser problems and messed up life. Your life is precious, dont just throw it away. Enjoy and be in command of your own destiny rather than be subservient to someone else's follies.
2006-09-19 20:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by aftab24ff 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think... the dude... can't even support himself.. that's why he can't move out. I mean what kind of guy that would come and live with his girlfriend (you supposingly). Love now a day isn't just all about feelings seriously, money makes the world goes around. If he can't live on his own, and he moves to you place, not a good idea at all. He got a kid behind him too. Sorry i wouldn't wait seriously.
2006-09-19 20:08:13 · answer #5 · answered by Tank D 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is, if he is still living with her that is where is want to be. Don't be mislead by him. He is not worth waiting for. If he has to get a second job to pay child support, so be it.
If he doesn't make enough money to live on his own, whyyyyyyy
would you even want him. You can do better than that. Move on sister.
2006-09-19 20:11:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a college graduate and having a hard time making ends meet? I am sure that happens to them too. Especially if they overextend themselves. This guy sounds like he has problems you want nothing of. You need to ask yourself do you really want to help tackle his problems on top of yours. He needs to square his life away before getting with you. You need to move on. Tell him that you can't be strung along for the ride. It sound a little hurtful and cruel, but you need a man, not a little co-dependant little boy. No matter how funny and kind he is.
2006-09-19 20:12:03 · answer #7 · answered by davester1970 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is worth waiting longer for, but still take advantage of other relationships. i have been in a serious relationship were the girl was ten years older than me and married (still am in this relationship actually) and i know that i am not keeping my options closed but it is a mutual relationship decision and we are just waiting for her devorice papers to come through till we make the next step. it had been almost a year now.
2006-09-19 20:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by Wondering 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your story is a very common one given by a married guy to a woman he's having an affair with.
Unless he's an odd man out, chances are he wants his cake and eat it as well.
The choice is yours. If you want to continue with the status quo, then be prepared that this will go on without any change in the arrangement.
2006-09-19 20:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AND ANSWER IS A BIG NOOOOOOOOP . Do not restart something to break it again , under these circumstances , you both will not be able to continue for a long time . Better concentrate on some thing concrete . You are a bold person and know how to enjoy and when to laugh . Think some more time to resettled again . do not rush things now .Good luck .
2006-09-19 20:09:18 · answer #10 · answered by your noon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋