We are Christians and just moved 5 wks ago to a new home 35 miles away from the old one. My oldest boy who is a high school junior HATES his new school. Our other 4 kids are ambivalent about their new schools. Now my wife wants to take the oldest boy back to his old school (35 miles away) to complete his last 2 years there, because she thinks he will do much better. This is tearing our family apart! Please offer considerate Christian, Biblical advice if you can.
2006-09-19 19:22:18 · 15 answers · asked by ebemdpa 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I can understand your son's dilemma. My family moved around a lot when I was small. It's not so hard when you're in the lower grades, but it gets harder in high school. By the time I was in my third high school, I'd had enough. My parents allowed me to move back to the town I started high school in, and to live with my grandmother. I was so much happier and did so much better in school. I'm just as close to my parents now, some 30 years later, and am very grateful that they understood the pain I was feeling.
2006-09-19 19:46:51 · answer #1 · answered by mocha5isfree 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, unless the old school is in the same school district, he and your wife may not have a choice. Most states & school districts have policies not to allow students to cross district lines except in the case of desegregation efforts (and even this is generally limited to the Southeastern states).
This is really not an issue for the Bible though. This is an issue about family dynamics. If you want the Bible, then the husband is right, the wife should be obedient to her husband, as should the children, and the husband in turn needs to honor his wife and do what's best for his children. Unfortunately, as this is the very issue of debate, the Bible has little in the way to offer.
Find out why your son hates the new school. If there are social problems, then they need to be addressed to the staff. If your boy turns out to be the social problem (refusing to make new friends, etc), then the problem needs to be addressed to your son. As in adult life, we sometimes can not choose our associates, we can only choose our interactions with them. If your son is just resisting change, then by giving in, you are teaching him the wrong lesson. If your son is genuinely being excluded by others, then a more inclusive environment (another high school, homeschool, private school) may be needed.
Under no circumstance should such a decision be made by any one person. Unless the three of you agree on the decision, it will remain a thorn in the side that will be every chance to fester into anger and frustration. These are damaging in a family (as you're already learning).
2006-09-19 19:31:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on this child. If your son is an individual he should get along fine at any school and he may just miss his peer group. If he is a sheep, meaning a follower, then you have worse problems than a commute! He will have issues either way, if he goes back or stays at his new school. Ask him what he likes about his old school... if his first answer is that he fit in, he knew everyone, or he liked the people better it is normal for him to want to go back, and it's is up to you if you want him to learn a hard but very valuable life lesson at his age. If he answers that there were specific teachers, programs, activities, or events he was looking forward to continuing then he is thinking logically and it might be worth the time considering giving him his way.
Overall you have to decide what message to send him... are you ging to show him that when things are hard you go backwards and admit defeat? Do you want to teach him that new and diffrent is bad and old and comfortable is good? Is your child emaotionally stable and able to accept change?... if you have to think about that one, keep him in his new school and get him some counselling.
2006-09-19 19:34:46 · answer #3 · answered by Gin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My prayers are with you. Biblical principles that apply:
Honor your father and mother. You as parents decided that this move was in the best interest of the family. Remind everyone why you moved and encourage the kids to honor that.
As Christians, we all have the fruit of the Holy Spirit. This means there ought to be patience (five weeks is not a long time); love (an opportunity for the kids to reach the lost on their new campuses; peace, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Others are listed in Gal. 2.
My suggestion is to gather the family together to pray often about these challenges and to ask the Lord to give you the strength and character to grow through these changes.
No change is easy, but every change is a test of our faith in what God is doing in our lives.
The flip side is to honestly ask if this move was based on wisdom or selfishness. There may be a need for praise for what God is doing your lives or for forgiveness if a bad choice has been made. Regardless, the entire family is poised to gain wisdom and understanding on how the Lord works through all the details of our lives for His glory.
2006-09-19 19:39:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's been a few weeks, but I think things might start looking up for your oldest child at his high school. Maybe joining an extracurricular can help.
Isn't your son's happiness what matters most? You do not want him to look back on his life and say that he did not enjoy the last years of high school--it's supposed to be a good time and a time for learning!
I would pray for guidance and I wish your family the best.
2006-09-19 19:25:57 · answer #5 · answered by Mimi Kitty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With regards to how a family treats each other, there are a few guidelines...
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." - Ephesians 5: 22
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it..." - Ephesians 5: 25
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." - Ephesians 6: 1
"And you, father, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." - Ephesians 6: 4
Given how the family must relate to each other, it can be summed up as such: the mother of the family must respect the decision that the father makes, and the child / children must obey the decision; however, the father must take into consideration his love for his wife and children and their wellbeing when he makes that decision.
The family unit is also representative of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5: 25-27), so as a family you must pray for what the Lord wants...
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Colossians 4: 6-7
When there is peace in your heart, even if there is some initial disagreement, then you will know that the decision is of the Lord.
(Note: For the best result, I hope that everyone in your family has an active relationship with the Lord.)
2006-09-19 19:33:58 · answer #6 · answered by Shepherd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
35 miles is not that far to go. And if you think that it will help then let him go to school there, just get him a car. And if your family is beening teared apart cause of this then you need to look a little closer and find out what is wrong and fix it be for it gets worst....
2006-09-19 19:28:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there must be a reason that your son hates his new school, maybe u oughta really talk to him to find out what is going on, some kids, change is hard , he probably had friends at his old school and misses them , maybe take him every couple of weeks to let him hang out with his old buddies and let them come to your house as well, maybe that will help him make new friends in the neighborhood if he has his old friends around to kinda help him (most kids are more open about talking to some1 new when they are with their friends)
i don't think it would be wise to let him go back to his old school, unless the kids at his new school is trying to harm him or has threated to, even then u oughta seek other routes before doing this.
2006-09-19 19:28:17 · answer #8 · answered by regina p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The children are now small fish in a big pond and it is hard to adjust. Military brats do it all the time. They need to shape up. When I had to move my children I found a church in the area I was moving so that the children would know some faces before we moved.
Find a congregation in the area to help the kids adjust.
2006-09-19 19:28:23 · answer #9 · answered by timex846 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is at the age of denial, therefore I don't think it's the school he hates but the fact that you moved... It's not right to separate the family only because a member doesn't like the ambient... Give him a little extra time and try to find out what exactly he hates at school. Good luck
2006-09-19 19:28:26 · answer #10 · answered by mish_pl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋