Serious Answers Please?

Question

My boyfriend used to be heavily into drugs. He has been to rehab and no longer does anything but drink and smoke (not cigarettes) which kind of bothers me but I am not one to change another person. Anyways, we are planning in moving in together within the next 4-5 months and things are pretty serious. We have even talked about having children later after moving in together. My question is this, because he used to do drugs and still smokes, when we have children, will there be any chance of harm or risks? Should I ask him to stop a month or so before trying? I'm really curious and concerned. I want healthy children, I just don't know how smoking or doing drugs in the past would effect the baby.

Just to clear up a little - he doesn't do all drugs anymore. He used to do alot. Now it's just smoking. And he doesn't drink heavily. Hardly at all anymore. I just added that in because he does do it sometimes.

Answer 1

My dear, if he's "been to rehab" but still drinks and smokes (marijuana?) he's failed rehab! He's still using drugs, just different ones. Getting into a relationship with an addict who is using is just asking for trouble and it's madness to consider having children with someone who is too messed up to be repsonsible for a family.

Some drugs cause genetic damage and can affect children long after stopping,.A month is far too short a time to be clean, even if he stopped the smoking and drinking, to be even optimistic about a real recovery. Six months clean would be a short time at that.

Exposure to smoke, tobacco or marijuana, is a serious health risk to any child exp[osed to it.

Your boyfriend needs to be in more or different treatment and you need to go to a support group for the significant others of addicts, like AlAnon.

If you really want a healthy family and a future, you need to make some hard choices and adult decisions now.

Answer 2

Ok, let me speak from personal experience. I met a man that I fell hard for-he's a great guy-heres the thing-when I met him he smoked. I dealt with that in my previous marriage so I decided to lay it out to him. I told him that IF he wanted or had any intention of becoming serious with me-it had to stop. I left it up to him(this way I knew if I truely meant anything to him). Before the night was through he got rid of his "stash" and chose me. I refused to let my children be raised by someone who smoked. Anything could happen and once that child was old enough to walk-all it takes is for him or her to find even a small bit that may have fallen to the floor and ingest it-for a little body that can spell instant medical complications and possible death(if the stuff was "laced" with something and isn't all natural). You give him the ultimatum and let him decide which is more important-you and a possible family and future-or the drugs. If he chooses the drugs you know where you stand and where his priorities lie.

Answer 3

First of all, let me assure that there is absolutely nothing healthy going on in this relationship. What you have on your hands is the classic f**k-up, plain and simple. If you feel like spinning your proverbial wheels, by all means, ask him to stop, NOW. If he's serious about you he'll forsake all of the other bullsh*t and start living a normal life. But, as soon as you start piss-potting around with ultimatums and deadlines, youre in the sh**ter. The dude is loser, I've never even met the person and I can already tell you that he's a dead beat. His cd collection probably consists of Gnarls Barkley, Eminem, Skinard, Linkin Park and Papa Roach, he's a poser. If I were you, I'd probably kill him in his sleep and dump the body in a limestone pit, but since murder is still illegal I wouldnt urge you to take that kind of action. You should just kick him out and tell him to have a nice life. He's mooching off of you, just like he's been doing for the past God only knows how long. Its time to move on.

-J.

Answer 4

When parents are taking illegal drugs it can mean risks to the health and well-being of their children. Most parents want to do the best they can for their children. Children of alcoholics are more likely to abuse alcohol themselves than other children. Children of alcoholics and of parents who are on drugs are at risk of developing health, behaviour and emotional problems.

Each child is affected differently, some do well in spite of problems, others develop more problems. This topic looks at how parents and families can help to support and protect children if a parent is on drugs, and what might be able to be done to help the parent who wants to give up drugs.

Alert!
There is a strong risk of hepatitis C and hepatitis B infections by sharing needles in some addictions. Make sure children at risk are immunised against hepatitis B and aware of sensible precautions to avoid getting pricked.

Alert!
Be aware of the 'Slow drift to death' which occurs when the body 'forgets to breathe', usually as a result of mixing drugs such as alcohol and heroin. It will seem as if the person is just sleeping when he or she actually needs urgent medical attention.


Drugs
People often use drugs to try to feel better about themselves.
Drugs can also be used to help block feelings of guilt or shame, for example someone who has suffered abuse or sexual assault.
People may use drugs occasionally or may become totally dependent on them.
There is a wide range of drugs that can cause dependency, some are legal and some are not.
Drugs can include
Medications (prescription drugs) such as sedatives
Alcohol
Illegal drugs, such as marijuana, heroin, cocaine, amphetamines.
Drug use contributes to 20% of all deaths in Australia. This figure is 33% in the 15 - 34 year age group.


The law and drugs

Answer 5

if he has drugs in his system, and some can stay in the system for 45 days, then there is a risk to the baby that might be concieved. There is also a risk to the baby if he smokes pot once the baby is born, second hand of course. Worse yet, have you considered the possible risks if YOU test positive to THC during your pregnancy because of second hand smoke, and your doctors have to report to Family Services that you tested positive for drugs while pregnant?

Answer 6

all good answers here!! but i think you already know your answer. If it wasnt a problem you would have nevder wrote this column. my advice is dont move in and dont start having a family until he grows up and starts acting like a real man and takes care and loves you the way you feel you should be. if this does not happen by the time you are ready to settle down you may need to look elsewhere for a mate.
im sorry you found a troll, some frogs however may be a prince one day.
i hope things work out for the best for you
just listen to your heart

Answer 7

If you are worried about genetic defects as a result of drugs and alcohol, that is not something to worry about.

Second hand smoke from pot, however, is bad for unborn babies and kids, just like cigarettes.

I understand you not wanted to change someone, however please proceed with caution. Someone how has drug addiction and is not 100% clean is playing with fire. Think about what you are going to say if he is still doing all he is doing now when your kids are old enough to ask questions about what Daddy smokes.

Answer 8

I would suggest that you go to a family therapist and talk about your situation. He or she may give you different methods on how to deal with your bf and his problems. Drugs can affect any relationship and also play a negative part in the up bringing of a baby. Trust in the Lord and ask Him for a solution. God is always there for us, we just tend to ignore Him. I hope everything works out for the best. I will pray for you tonight.

Answer 9

He needs to stop ALL drug use before trying to have a baby. Drug use can also damage male chromosomes, just like females ones. So he should stop doing drugs WAY more than a month before you start trying to have a baby. You dont want to risk having an unhealthy baby.

Answer 10

Well just exactly is he smoking... I assume it's drugs.. and not Marlboro's.... Geeze, it seems like your road to the future is going to have many pot holes... You need to step back and take a good look before this and talking about having babies... Does not sound good. But remember Love is blind, so look in a good mirror...