What I am not understanding is why tell me the truth after all those months of lying to me. Then he asked me "Where do we go from here?" He said, he wanted to come home with me and that he knew that he broke that trust and that if it took the rest of his life to prove to me that I could once again trust him he would do that because he said he loved me. I would have never found out about any of these lies and I can't help but wonder if he told me because he was deploying to Iraq. I am so lost and I don't know what to believe anymore.
2006-09-19 16:48:28 · 18 answers · asked by Fallen Angel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
just let go...
2006-09-19 16:50:42 · answer #1 · answered by Inquirer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter that he told you now or 3 months ago. The point his he felt the need to free his conscience. Being in the military requires submersion in that lifestyle. You can't be distracted by issues at home. Obviously this was bothering him. Think about it, if he didn't tell you and you found out while he was gone (and you would have eventually found out, trust me) how would you be able to handle it without him there to talk to? Let him go to Iraq knowing you still love him, that's all he wants. When he gets back he will be a different man, then you can start your relationship over. Get to know the new each-other, because you will be older and more mature too. Learn to trust him again. Obviously he cares about you because he wouldn't have been so bothered by the guilt.
In response to everyone that says "he told you so he would have someone waiting for him when he gets back" obviously thats NOT TRUE. Had he not told her, she wouldn't be questioning whether or not to stay with him. She would be with him when he left because she never would have known.
2006-09-19 17:00:32 · answer #2 · answered by spyke_82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my guess is he told you before leaving for Iraq to take the guilt off of his shoulders. Also whatever he did he obviously felt bad about it from the way it sounds. I guess to, that it depends what he lied about. If was having something to do with another girl, hmm, that would hurt. So maybe him telling you before he left/or leaves that during his time away, maybe he thinks you will think about things and forgive him.. Hmm not sure kiddo., but just remember everyone is human and we all deserve a second change. My husband and I have been together for 15 yrs almost, and he left me twice for his x. But I didn't give up on him, he was just scared to get into another serious relationship. We are still doing fine today 15 yrs later. Ups and Downs go with any relationship, just go with your heart, sure you are hurting big times, and your heart aches, but remember he did love you enough to tell you the truth no matter what the circumstances were or are. Good Luck sweetie :)
2006-09-19 16:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by Sunflower 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your situation. My ex. lied to me about his whole life. He lied about his age, his family, his past, everything. We were together for a year before he told me that he was really thirty-two (I thought he was 19, like he told me). I was so hurt and shocked about everything that I dumped him.
If only that were the last of my problems. He not only tried to sabatoge my relationships with other people, but he wrote to the school that I was attending and told them a bunch of crap to get me thrown out. He stalked me and broke into my email account so many times that I had to get a new one and have Yahoo delete the other one.
Listen to me...he may not be the crazy type like my ex, but anyone that will lie to you for that long is not worth having around. Honesty is one of the major parts of having a relationship. If he never was true to you, how can you expect him to be again? He was sneaky enough to do all of these things without you even knowing...
I am not trying to put either of you down. You must feel a lot of love for this man to come forward for help like this. I wish I could tell you that you should give him a second chance, but it is not my way. Did he come forward with the truth because he wanted to or did someone force him? It's awfully convienet that he will so soon be deployed to Iraq.
This is only my advice. You are the only one that knows what your heart feels....Do what you think is best. I wish you the best of luck with what ever you decide to do.
Time can heal many things if you let it.
2006-09-19 17:02:58 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah Jean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not telling the truth because he does'nt know where to go from here. If he is going to earn your trust back you should have let him come home with you instead of deploying to Iraq. If it takes the rest of his life to do it, he will. Hope I was of some help.
2006-09-19 16:57:18 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was kinda in the same situation. if he really loves you than he lied because he didn't want to break ur heart, but telling you the truth shows that he feels bad about whatever it was he did. If he didnt tell you at all, it means he doesnt care about you, so at least he told you. I know its hard to trust someone again after they've broken your heart, but i think you should give him another chance. If he does it again...then maybe you should think about whether youre better off without him or not.
2006-09-19 16:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he's doing it because he's deploying to Iraq. He's doing it to have someone waiting at home for him and give him moral support. In other words, he's selfish to lie and cheat in the first place, and expect you to forgive him before he shipps out. Drop him; dump him. Don't let him lay a guilt trip on him and don't believe a word he says! It's over. Godloveya.
2006-09-19 16:51:41 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
girl forgive him this time because atlease he told u,,u got some people out here that wouldn't dare tell u the truth,,,its not like u caught him up,,that makes a difference,,,give him another chance and if that happen again then u have a problem,,ok ,,good luck
2006-09-19 16:55:09 · answer #8 · answered by Sweetpea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a liar, plain and simple. Either he'll do it again or he won't. It all depends on how much you care about him, and how much value you place in your relationship.
If you think it's something worth sustaining then you need to consider forgiving him and hoping for the best. Either way, you're gonna have to eventually get over it.
2006-09-19 16:50:49 · answer #9 · answered by Pak M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, he lied to you! He also just wants to make sure that you are going to sit around and wait for him. He thinks you are stupid enough that he can trick you into waiting for him. Get a new man!! You can do so much better....he isn't worth it!!
2006-09-19 16:50:34 · answer #10 · answered by Tiffany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would drop him. Basicaly when he was available to you he wanted to do bad things. But now that he will be away he wants you to put your life on hold. No way move on find a nice guy you can trust.
2006-09-19 16:51:28 · answer #11 · answered by Mrs. Brown 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋