My 11 year old son has no compassion. Please help.?

Question

We have 3 children, 16, 11 and 4. The 16 year old and 4 year old are as sweet as can be, and we feel like we've modeled compassionate and caring behavior. However, he's as mean and inconsiderate as can be. He hurts the 4 year old on purpose and doesn't care, he refuses to apologize when he does this, and he could care less about anyone else. It's just so much the opposite of how we've brought our kids up. What do you think here????

Answer 1

Middle child syndrom running amuk. It's rather easily explained but it, unfortunately, isn't as easy to to fix. When you have an older child, that child is doted on and handed more responsibility, then comes the middle child, who's not fussed over as much and the one who has to suffer the consequences of the mistakes you made in parenting with baby number one. Then comes the third child...the baby...last of the mohikans. Rules are let go, everyone babies the baby and the baby gets to suck up all the attention. This makes for a very hurt middle child. Anyway you look at it, the child is screwed, if they don't learn their own game of manipulation in order to stand out. If they don't receive that attention, they lash out.

The reason it's so hard to fix, is because most middle children are rather independent and not only refuse to ask for help, but refuse help that is offered as well, because they deem it as sympathy. You are going to have to find some sort of middle ground to reach your child on. Let him shine in some areas and praise him alot more than you would the other two. I know it's hard, I know he's trying your patience and I know that you think you have a very angry little boy on your hands who could care less, but you are wrong. He's a little boy who has simply lost his connection in the family...he's hurting mom, and you need to take the time to reach him before you lose him completely.

Answer 2

Your middle child is lacking some attention. It looks like your 11 year old was the youngest for a long period of time and then you had your 4 year old. Your son is probably feeling left out. You need to reassure this child that you love him just the same as both your other children. If your 11 year old is purposely hurting the 4 year old then you might want to not leave these 2 unsupervised. If he doesn't care about anyone else then maybe he might need to talk to a therapist that can hear his problems.
Even though your children came from you and you bring them up a certain way, they are 3 different individuals so, your children are going to be different in their own ways. Talk to your 11 year old consistently and possibly this behavior will change. Take care

Answer 3

It won't get any better unless steps are taken to stop this unacceptable behavior. He could seriously hurt his little brother, or do harm to others. Have you tried good, old-fashioned discipline? I mean, after all, you are the parent and you should have some say-so over this boy. I'm not saying it's your fault, but you're letting him rule the roost. You have to put your foot down and let him know who's the boss. Set the rules and if he violates them, he should be punished. If this keeps on, he may need to be evaluated by a child psychologist to find out why he is cruel and inconsiderate on a consistent basis. Kids do act up occasionally, and tease and fight with their siblings, but if it's the rule rather than the exception, he may have an emotional or even a physical problem that needs to be addressed.

No kids from the same family are exactly alike in their personalities. Maybe this is just a phase your son is going through, but if it continues, he'd better get some professional help.

Answer 4

I'm not sure if I am qualified to answer this question, but from what I know, the middle child often feels out of place. The older child is considered older and mature and above blame, and the younger is considered cute and innocent. There was even a study done, it shows how torn middle children are between being grown up, ad getting all the attention. It's a very difficult stage, and the best way in my opinion, even if you treat all the same, would be to reinforce the fact that you love and care for him. Give him a chance to show he is as good as his siblings, and show him that doing bad things draws you apart, and does not get him attention. Try reading the short story, The beginning of grief. ALthough the context is slightly different, ot shows the predicament of the middle child. Whatever you try, above all make him realize you love hima nd are proud of him. In ths way he might realize the good values you hope to instill within him. Hope that helps.

Answer 5

Are you ‘financial’ enough to be able to afford for your son to be consulted by a Child Psychologist?

How long has your son been behaving in this manner?
Is it something that started fairly recently, and somewhat ‘sudden’?

I will assume that you have asked your son why he behaves the way he does.
Has he given any sort of explanation?

I’m thinking that if there was a ‘sudden change’ in your son’s behaviour, it may be because something happened to him, that you are not aware of.
I’m somewhat concerned about something you mentioned in an earlier question, in relation to an ‘unregistered sex offender’ who lives across the road from you.
Do you believe it may be possible that the neighbour could have done something to your son?

The best thing I can suggest to you is that you arrange for your son to be professionally counselled, and once you have determined the cause of his behaviour, take the appropriate steps to deal with it.

I sincerely hope that nothing has happened between your son and the neighbour, but if the Psychologist suggests otherwise, please try to refrain from taking the law into your own hands !!!

Answer 6

UR 11 yeard old is a different personality. You can not treat him the same as the others. Something is bothering him, perhaps at school. You should try to find out. If U have given him as much as love and care as the other brothers there must be a reason for it. He is perhaps more insecure and feel jealous from his brothers.

Answer 7

People without conscience or compassion are known as sociopaths. Get him into a counseling program immediately to try to find out what's going on. If it's serious enough, get him into residential treatment! Don't let him continue to hurt your baby and disrupt your family. Your 4 year old doesn't understand and will have long term problems if this is not stopped immediately.

Answer 8

Welll, he is the middle child, you surely have knowledge of this. They just feel very left out, no attention, and just plain alone. I have a middle child that exibits the same behavior. You just have to make him feel that he is important, just as important as the others. Sometimes they require more attention than most children. It might be hard to give that much attention, but trust me it will be worth your while. This type of child grows up to be amazing. Did you know that Donald Trump is a middle child.

Answer 9

this could be a sign of many things.... you need to first make an apointment with his pediatrician and talk to him about this... the doc can make recomendations for further steps to take.... it could be ADHDCD... that is attention deficit hyperactive disorder WITH control disorder..... I also raised a son with that, and your son sounds like mine.... but I strongly suggest you seek help, there is help..... IF he is diagnosed with this there are web sites to help you deal with it..... and also look into foods, colors, and the way you talk and dicipline him..... foods and colors make a big difference....... if you would like to know more about what I have learned over the years about the color and other stuff, please feel free to ask another question and bring it to my attention on here....... God bless

Answer 10

He is the middle child and he is fighting for attention and at this pointm it doesn't seemlike it matters to him whether it's good or bad attention so maybe you should spend some alone time with him and see if that works good luck