I'm 19 (I'll be 20 in Dec) and my bf is 18 (19 in march) we wanted to move-in together and since we don't believe in living in sin we want to get married. Even though we are capable of doing on our on his mother offered to let us stay with her (paying $300 rent) as long as we got married, stayed in school, and remained spiritual (attend church regularly). My parents however aren't so cool with the idea and want my boyfriend gone, my head in the books, and for me to see the world. Getting married will seriously damage my relationship with my family but it's what i want to do. My heart is battling my head what would you do??
2006-09-19 15:44:51 · 31 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oh yeah take it to the bank
2006-09-19 15:46:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not about what we would do. Seems to me you have already answered the question. If you felt that your parents were way out of line you would not be pondering other options or doubting your choices. So the bigger part of you must agree with what they wish. Now you are only 19 (still a child) eventhough the law looks at you as an adult. What do you really know about this world, stop living in a haze, stay in school, get a degree and who knows if you guys still feel the same about each other after 5 years go ahead get married.
It also seems to me that you can be spiritual without going to church.
2006-09-19 22:56:40 · answer #2 · answered by Brutal honesty is best 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well honey you are grown and you need to be grown. First as far as the living together what is sin when you need to see if you can stay married. I think this is wrong but that is how you were raised and it might be something you feel is right. My daughter turned 18 in May of this year and in August with my blessing i told her to move in with the guy she wants to marry. I did not want her to get married without really knowing him and be divorced at a young age. Being married is a hard thing to do. Living with his mother is going to be very hard cause you still have to do what she says cause she is already telling you what to do and you 2 have not got married. Your family will understand one day with time. Parents love you no matter what and they need to understand that you are grown and you have to make decision for yourself and stand by you.
To answer your question I think you 2 should move out together and see if the 2 of you have what it takes to stay together and then get married at the right time. Living together to me is not a sin. She needs to what t.v. there is alot more sin on there than the 2 of you could vever think of doing. God will judge your heart. Not his mother or yours.
2006-09-19 22:54:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait a while before marrying and moving in together. See the world a bit. Get an education and after you've gotten yourself settled in the real world, you can consider marrying him.
Your parents do have a point. Would you still be "capable of doing on your own" if you got pregnant?
Just think about the pros and cons of marriage and take into account the divorce rate in the United States . . . 1/2 of all marriages in divorce is a pretty high percentage. Give it some time. There's no rush.
2006-09-19 22:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by BlueLantern 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about 5, 10 even 15 years down the line are you sure you want to get married at a young age and be a wife. I got married at 19 to my ex husband we were HS sweet hearts and we divorced after 3 yrs of marriage, You need to look out for your self with your education and every thing. If I were you I would wait until after college to get married you never know what could happened in that time frame down the road
2006-09-19 22:51:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
coming from my own experience if I could do things over I would love to be in your situation. You have loving parents sounds like you have a good life. Why mess it up so soon dealing with a man? Your parents know that he will get your head distracted and keep you from them. That's just how it is basically it boils down to your immediate family or are you ready to start your own? If so then go ahead and move but be prepared to a life of no friends or family who have not supported your relationship from the beginning.
2006-09-19 22:53:51 · answer #6 · answered by No 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make him wait a little bit, before agreeing to get married. This way, you can be sure that he really wants you (or is it only for the sex). Also sometimes you should restrict him and not let him get all he wants very easily, because it is not healthy for him. Meaning, guys tend to get bored when a woman is very easy to get; when the fruit is not forbidden, in the "long" term it tends to turn into a rotting vegetable.
Yes I am a guy, but I give you this advice because I know how easily I can get bored; even if I love a woman very much, I am never 100% sure...
2006-09-19 22:48:33 · answer #7 · answered by sweetmrlover 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's tough, getting married at age 19/20 is kinda early, maybe you guys should wait, if you are really in love, you will get married eventually. You need to concentrate on your school work, and get through school, then after that you will be ready, in my opinion, because I know how you feel. In the long run, everything will work out if you wait.
2006-09-19 22:49:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon if God wants the two of you to get married and forever share your lives together...you can rest assured that you will, but if it can't wait until you are over 21 and out of school and you think about going against your family to be with him in that way- it simply ain't meant to be. Listen to your parents. If that boy loves you...marriage and living together can wait a little longer.
2006-09-19 22:55:33 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're both committed to staying in school after being married, your future will be okay. But only as long as you practice safe sex and don't have kids.
I'm sure if you can do that, you will be able to patch up things with your family. They are just worried about you ruining your future. But its a risk you have to decide whether you want to take. If for some reason, you don't finish school or get pregnant, your parents probably won't forgive you. And definitely, they won't forgive your husband.
2006-09-19 22:54:59 · answer #10 · answered by Easygreasy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your brains are powerful but your heart is what you should listen to. i personally would talk withmy parents try to have a rational talk with them tell them this is what you really want. Dont raise your voice and if they dont change their views do it. I mean you only live once but if its going to totally ruin your family think hard (what do you really want more). And once you can anwser that question anwser this one can you wait a little while to get married? If so then do that when you can get him more aquanted with your family and maybe they will change thier minds!!
Good Luck and I hope what ever disision you make is the one that works out the best!!!
2006-09-19 22:51:24 · answer #11 · answered by ♥ Sunshine ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋