My cousin just turned 17 and she lives with her boyfriend, she has told me that he be hittin her and all she did was cry as she was telling me . I didnt know what to tell her. I am the only person she has told and she told me not to tell anyone. I told her to go live with her mom since she got a place now, but she said how all my stuff is here how am i going to get it all out i dont have a car and she says she still loves him because they have been together for so long since she was 12... I dont know what to do if it keeps going like that he could end up killing her.
2006-09-19 12:46:23 · 22 answers · asked by stuffed shark1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The problem is I guess she dont want to leave or she is confused... Her mom was homeless and her dad she just dont want to live with him because he is strict. She is only there she says because her boyfriend is giving her everything she needs but is treating her like ****.
2006-09-19 13:00:34 · update #1
get out
2006-09-19 12:48:47 · answer #1 · answered by big daddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out how long he's been abusing her? Did he leave any marks on her and if he did I would take pictures and take them to the police. If she won't help herself then you should help her. It's quiet clear that he has a problem and needs help and just maybe this will be the wake up call that he needs. Just don't leave her side no matter what. It sounds like you two are very close and that's something special. She'll need you to lean on through this ordeal. So just being there for her is a step in the right direction. But encourage her to talk to someone, like the police or an abuse counselor or even an attorney. But get her some help. Take her to a woman's shelter if you can. But always be there for her! She'll need your support and Love!
2006-09-19 12:56:23 · answer #2 · answered by ajsad36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to contact the police. You should not be anonymous. Your information to the police is strictly confidential. You need to give the police some credibility as to who you are. Domestic Violence is taken VERY seriously. There are many stories of women who had been battered and eventually killed because they thought that the police or someone else (like yourself) could not help them.
There are many outlets for help for your cousin after contacting the police. However, it is up to her to reach out for that help. She can obtain a DVO or Domestic Violence Order to protect her. The first one will be either an Emergency Telephonic DVO or a Temporary Order administered by the district court. From there, a hearing date will be set in order to determine the level of danger. This hearing is crucial and she must attend. There are also Domestic Violence Shelters across the country that serve as safe havens for men and women victims.
If you need extra justification as to why YOU should go to the police with this information, here you go:
1.) She talked to you about this issue because she was reaching out to you.....meaning she trusts you.
2.) If something were to happen to her, the trauma that you will feel will be ten-fold as the trauma that you will have if you two are no longer friends.
Good luck to you....
2006-09-19 13:02:00 · answer #3 · answered by MissKate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Denise,
Help your cousin move. She needs someone strong that will help her change her life in a positive way. Five years is a long time. But when she first got together with this guy she wasn't a teenager yet. She needs to live life. You only young once and she can't go on in a relationship like this. Being strong will only make her stronger. Good luck.
2006-09-19 12:51:25 · answer #4 · answered by drunken monkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this guy has serious anger problems and doesnt deserve ur cousin. she needs to get the heck outa that house while he's not home. she also needs to make sure none of his friends find out where shes goin. tell ur cousin that her life is waaay more important than staying w/ a guy that says he loves her, then beats her. ask her whats more important: a guy that might potentially kill her or a life with a guy that would never do anything to hurt her and loves her no matter what.
also, once she leaves, tell her to get a restraining order!
2006-09-19 12:53:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to get out of that situation and there are people in almost every city that can help her. I don't know where you live but look on-line you can find a battered women's shelter, or call your local police station (or if that makes you uncomfortable try a church or school counselor) and don't just give her the phone number... when she is with you next time call with her.
2006-09-19 12:53:18 · answer #6 · answered by ecogeek4ever 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some big ole dudes, some baseball bats or the police to let them know the situation or beat the hell out of the guy! No man should ever put his hands on a female unless his life is in jeopardy or calls his mom a b****!
2006-09-19 12:49:42 · answer #7 · answered by afrprince77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call the police, the parents, ur parents, call all adults in the family... but of course that'll be hard.
well, continue on urging her to leave her bf, her reason bout her thing are just her feigning, it is really hard to leave someone whom u really love even that person is not worthy and pushing u around. it took me 5 yrs to get out of a relationship that is not working. time will come ur couz will realize to value her self and dont waste her time on that loser. just help her realize that and if ur effort wont work then ask her parent's help...
2006-09-19 12:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie,,
From someone who was with an abusive bf/husband for 5 yrs,, and had two kids with him,, it doesn't stop,, it doesn't get better.
She can leave,, it will be hard but she can call the police and have them go with her to pick up her stuff so he can't hurt her. If she doesn't think she can live with her mom she can go to the abuse shelter temporarily,, and they can help her alot with counseling and everything.
2006-09-19 12:52:49 · answer #9 · answered by B V 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So it's more important for her to stay with her stuff and get beatings than it is to just leave and try to get her self-esteem in order?
Your friend is very mixed up.
People who love you DO NOT HIT YOU. Period.
She needs to leave. She can get help at a woman's resource center or social services. Tell her to get going today.
2006-09-19 12:50:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I definitely don't think you should just let this go! This is a huge huge issue and you are right if you let it go he could end up killing her, and you would be left with the guilt of not getting help to save her. She is in a tough situation, and it will be extremely hard to get her away from it because she feels that she has to love him or he will hurt her. She is crying out to you. She says that she doesn't want help but deep deep down she is screaming for help. I'm sure she didn't anticipate her life being like this. no one wants to be beaten everyday and im damn sure she doesn't deserve any of it. it;s these type of people who think that they can control someone to such an extreme that really get on my nerves. They have no right to do such harm to another human being and it isn't right. How can they live with themselves knowing that they are hurting someone else and they just go on their day like nothing happens. You should definitely seek some help. Whether it be just talking with someone to get advice on how to help her get out of the situation or directly to someone who can get her out of the situation. i know you are in a mix up of whether to listen to her and stay quiet or go with your gut feeling and get some help. honey to be honest i wouldn't sit there another second i would be getting help. If you can go get her yourself and take her with you. it doesn't matter how long she has been with him, it is still not right that he is treating her with such disrespect and cruelty. I don't know who you feel comfortable talking or going to but please don't just let it be, im so afraid for her that it will get worse and it may get worse quickly. I wish you and your cousin the best of luck she deserves someone much better than he and NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.
2006-09-19 12:55:07 · answer #11 · answered by ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋