A senior associate and colleague recently transferred from our NYC office, and I must admit, I have had been intensely attracted to him for several years. Our relationship has been strictly professional. We have had dinner meetings at the Harvard club and Yale club in NYC on several occasions. Since transferring to the DC office two months ago, we have had dinner at eight different restaurants.
I had become impatient, and asked him if he had ever thought of our
relationship becoming more personal and less professional. To my surprise he informed me that although he has great respect for me professionally, and finds me attractive he doesnt date white women. I was astonished and embarrassed by his candor, and I obviously misread the signals. I wanted to know why, and every answer he provided was unacceptable. I asked the following questions:
1. Is he gay or attached to someone? He said no he is not gay, he prefers dating black women.
2. Did he find me interesting? He said yes, but he would prefer to remain friends.
3. Is he concerned about racial scrutiny? He said no.
4. Is he concerned that this might effect his career? He replied no, but he would prefer to not participate in office romance.
5. If I were black would he take the chance of on an office romance? He said yes.
6. Had he ever dated interrcially? He said yes, through his highschool years,but has only dated black women since college.
7. At the time, I was aware that he is bi-racial, in response, I said isnt your mother caucasion. He responded yes. However he further stated that his father is black and therefore he too is a black man.
8. I said you mean you are bi-racial. He politely corrected me, no a black man.
(He looks about 62, with fair skin, green eyes, waving dark hair, and crisp dialect. He hardly looks black. I assumed he was Italian until I saw his college degree on the wall in his office. I inquired as to why one of the degrees on the wall in his office was from morehouse college, and another colleague informed me of his personal and professional background.)
9. The last question I posed, if your mother is white and father is black, why are you so against being in the same type of relationship, did you have bad experiences growing up? He said that he is not apposed to others choosing an interracial relationship. As a morehouse man there is no need for him to do so.
Then he asked me to respect his preference, and he changed the subject. I was thinking to myself, what the hell does that mean? As politically incorrect as this may sound, I understand why white men would not date black women. However, I DO NOT understand how a black man would not want to date a white woman who is on the same social and professional level with similar pedigree, that he says he finds attractive. I am insulted and embarrassed. On Tuesday, I will pretend that I have not a problem with his preference but I really have problem with it. It is more than rejection. I dont understand this concept.
2006-09-19 12:25:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
sounds to me you are to obsessed with him!! you need to stop, this is not healthy, you are up set with him because he does not want to date you! sorry things don't revolve around you,you really need to move on with your life, and Just accept the fact HE DOES NOT WANT TO DATE YOU, THE END!! and I'm sorry to say but you sound like someone the will stalk him to get what you want,, IT WON'T WORK!! Just accept a good friendship and let it be!!! good luck!!
keep on YAHOOING!!
~~~SPARKY~~~
2006-09-20 07:35:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
For An educated Professional You sure have a lot to learn about people. your first question is a typical response. just the fact that colleague answered all nine of your questions shows that he is a Friend.
find out more about racial identity and the development of this identity in inter racial individuals and you may under stand that your Friend is simple identifies with his black heritage more so than his white.
2006-09-20 14:43:05 · answer #2 · answered by reispinscher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would like to say that you should respect the mans decisions if you care about him as you say. but i do understand you why you feel rejected sometimes people just want something different even though he is attracted to you. i would say that if he doesnt date anybody else than you are that much ahead. then just give him some time to and maintain the same type of relationship that you have. you may in time have to propose different types of dates in that you might get more secluded. but remain interested some people just dont want to make important decisions.
2006-09-19 19:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by Jason & Robin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your co-worker has a problem with who his mother was. Maybe he was raised by his father instead of his mother. It could be that he feels abandoned by his mother, so in turn his resents the fact the he's white because of her. I would just move on and find someone else. You sound like a nice girl and probably deserve better than him anyway. Good luck!
2006-09-19 19:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by ajsad36 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, I think it is the fact that he rejected you that is making you jump through all these hoops. The fact that you are making a production over his race actually says to me that you are prejudiced and find it incredible that someone you consider beneath you, despite your words, would have the gall to to tell you no.
Accept it and move on before you end up losing your job over it.
2006-09-19 19:31:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i admire the man for not wanting to change his luck and you my friend escaped a bad situation on this one. You should call the Dude up and thank him from the bottom of your heart. I have to give the man credit, he is a smart person
2006-09-19 19:30:11 · answer #6 · answered by roy40372 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you're asking questions that are way too personal for someone you're in a business relationship with. He told you his answers and I think you should drop it and accept that you're not going to have a relationship with him.
2006-09-19 19:31:35 · answer #7 · answered by Danger, Will Robinson! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are really upset he turned you down. Let it go - your ego is too big. If he does not want to date you and you pursue it - he could go after you for sexual harrassment, then -talk about embarrassed!!!! Accept his friendship, you never know.
2006-09-19 19:28:40 · answer #8 · answered by Cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i have nothing agest wite-black relationships or anyother kind of relationship but u cant change his mind hun im not to clear on that my self
2006-09-19 19:50:59 · answer #9 · answered by all_canadin_girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just move on, if he's not into dating you, there's really nothing you can do about it.
2006-09-19 19:30:41 · answer #10 · answered by The New Mrs. Nguyen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋