i've had this quesiton of six years take out a couple seconds of your life and maybe i wont feel so screwed

Question

I wouldn't bother asking a bunch of strangers if I wasn't in deep **** or really desperate I'm 15 and iv had this friend (16) since i moved to this little crap town when i was 8 i would tell you the name of it but you'd probably say where? in small towns were all really tight and we were like the brother and sister type until i lost my virginity with him now where not like the brother sister relationship anymore so im not going to listen to anyone who tells me to give up on him it started when his mom died of cancer when he was 9 and his dad got into alcohol which didn't help anything when i was about 10 anyone with common sense could tell something was a little ****** up in that house but cause i was ten i was scared and i didn't want to know because it was so much easier to pretend that everything was fine with him than the marks got deeper and wider and i still avoided it he knew i knew about it but he didn't want me to say anything last night was when i couldn't avoid anything anymore we had a party at his house and things got broke like at all parties but i know that he really got it cause the alcohol was gone i knew he was going to get into trouble but i didn't know he was going to be in the emergency room his dad said he fell down the stairs you can tell his dad said that only a drunk man would say that when corey had marks from a metal pole and a belt falling down the stairs doesn't do that to you but the hospital looked past it because his dad was the one that called the ambulance when we got older he would stay at everyone else's house so he wouldn't get hit but he was drunk when his dad hit him and he couldn't really go anywhere far i figured everything was okay because he wasn't ever home and he would always fight back so 6 years later i finally ask him about it but i didn't really want to hear his sober answer he was always somehow more honest when he was drunk i told him that he has to go live somewhere else that didn't make him to happy because he had big plans and that would **** it up for him so started he screaming and yelling nothing new the worst thing i couldve said to him was corey your just like your ******* dad and he hit me that was the only time i swear but he is becoming his dad drunk and abusive he's so much more than his dad he's got goals and he's really funny and athletic and he's finally breaking down there's only so much one person can deal with i told him it was okay when he hit me but he was the one that freaked got in his car and drove somewhere a couple hours from where we live and when they found him he was passed out drunk laughing saying how he was never going to drink again which he said after every party of course i have a lot of questions but now that he's at home again with his dad in the house waiting for him to be conscious i gota no what the hell do i do now ?il do anything but bail on him

Answer 1

You told him it was OK that he hit you? How is it OK to hit anyone, especially a woman?

Every time my fathe rgot drunk and beat up my mother, when it was over he was always so sorry and he would never drink again and he would never hit her again....until the next time. Abusive drunks will not change unless something drastic happens to make them chage. For my father it was watching my mother in a hospital bed, where he put her, for two weeks, on the verge of death after he had beaten her so bad it put her in a coma. This guy learned to be an abusive drunk from his father. My advice is to run...run fast. Get the hell away from this guy before he puts YOU in the hospital.

Answer 2

Helping people with addictions is as complicated as each and
every individual. There is no simple answer.
My experience is, that the reason some people are so SCREWED UP, is because they always have someone telling them they're SCREWED UP. And then when they try to get help. People tell them they're SCREWED UP. That's SCREWED UP!
What I'm trying to say, is people make more out of it than it is.
Too many use it as an excuse to point at another, and avoid
their own crap. I'm not saying you do that. But many do.
The bottom line is addiction is a chemical imbalance. Alcohol
and drugs create a breakdown in ones chemistry through
constant use. And then they end up getting a compulsion to
use, until they are toasted, once they start.

psycho/logical.

Therapists have thier little mind-sets too, and can only think one way.
It is true that a person is the problem, because they chose to use. But if one really wants to help. They need to help the person
understand that he or she is NOT the problem. The drug is
the PROBLEM.
People don't typically use because they got all kinds of mental
problems and attitudes. That's more psycho/logical bull. They
do it because they like the physical pleasure of the high. Then
they get happy. Blow the rent money. Are too sick to go to
work and make more money. And that's when the PROBLEMS
come in.
Bottom line. If a person doesn't put that POISON in them. It won't guarantee they won't have problems. But I can guarantee they will have fewer problems.

Answer 3

You are not going to want to hear this but, if he is abusing you, even the one time, it will not stop there. You have to stay away from him or he will really hurt you one day. You can't ignore the fact that he was raised in an abusive house, ever hear the expression like father like son. Well that is the meaning. Now if you do not agree with me I understand, if he stays sober and gets a better outlook on life then things MIGHT be different. If he continues to drink, even if it is once in a while, stay away from him. I feel it will only get worse.

Answer 4

Try to get him into rehab. If he's following in the footsteps of his dad, you might want to back up a lot! He's trying to drown out the pain in his life by drinking just like his father. The only thing is it isn't drowning out, so dad takes it out on son, son takes it out on you. Alcohol is supposed to be a depressant. Get it? Sometimes the best thing to do isn't the easiest. Don't think just because it happened once it won't again. If you both have a trusted friend that can mediate with you, try talking about the drinking with them. The authorities need to be aware of the fathers abusiveness. This may be hard for him, because that is his father regardless of how bad he is. But one day dad may take it too far & you won't ever see him again anyway. If your friend continues his route he may never see you again. If none of this works you may have to step back. It's not bailing out on him. It's tough love. Strangely enough some people only do what they do because they know you'll keep coming back. Like abusive people. When they know you won't take it they won't give it.

Answer 5

Okay, first, the hitting thing is bad, as anyone can tell you it is the beginning of abuse. First thing he needs to be kept from alcohol, if he's drinking don't talk to him. And tell him you won't have anything to do with him until he's sober. He'll hopefully shape up, and if he doesn't then he truly doesn't care for you.

Answer 6

Pray for him and don't ever stop. I can honestly tell you prayer is very power full and the more people that pray the better. God knows and he will listen and things are done in his time not ours he knows what's best and how when and where. Just don't give up and I will be one who prays for you both.

Answer 7

I dunno. Your advice to him for when his father hit him was to move away and move on, well my advice to you when a man hits you is the same. I'm sorry if that pisses you off but ure asking a stranger and as i see it only a cowardly man would hit a woman............ and hiding behind past abuse is no excuse. if you want to stick around with him then do but if he hits you just ONCE more then dont hive him another chance no matter how great u think he could be

Answer 8

see if you can get him to go to a counselor, or report the abuse, child protective services will have to look in to it. Try to see if he can file to be an Emancipated minor with the court. (he might need to be 17 also his father would have to sign it unless it is proved that his dad is unfit. You boyfriend needs to get out of that place in order to heal himself mentally and physically.

Answer 9

Be the true friend that it sounds like you are..1st call authorities and tell them what you know. They will keep where they got the information confidential and ask them about other places he may be able to stay.

Answer 10

just keep trying. He'll probly figure it out eventually. If not, make the calls. He might hate you for it, but he'll be much better off than winding up screwed for the rest of his life. Does he have any relatives you could talk to?