Last week I broke up with my GF of 6 months. The last month was tough. She had been acting real distant and not wanting to spend time with me. We are both busy weith work but we used to make time. She kinda blindsided me with her attitude. So I called it off. people who love each other want to spend time with each other. She continued to call and wants to try to work it out, but she needs time to think. I say you either know or you don't. there is not a lot of grey area in these matters. She wants to have dinner tonight, but I feel like she is having her cake and eating it too. I need to be in control here don't I? Should i blow it off and keep from getting hurt any further. I feel so taken advantage of here.
2006-09-19 11:46:34 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Believe me, we did tal about it, i did not just dump her out of the blue.
2006-09-19 11:52:04 · update #1
Ok, lets start here: BIG HUG... now you are just getting a taste of what most women are like all the time. If you need to be in control, then break it off now. No dinner tonight. If you decide she's worth it, take the time to understand what she might be feeling. I know most guys aren't into "feelings", but if you want to have a lifetime relationship with a woman, you'd better learn fast how to accomodate those pesky "feelings". Be honest, be loving, care enough not to be mean. Deep relationship take alot of work and many, many years. She may not be the one, but at least try to understand that for her feelings play a big role. She could be feeling like you don't care for her. If you do , then you need to do whatever it takes to show her. NOT TELL HER, show her.
good luck hugs
2006-09-19 11:53:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I had to answer here. I am in a very similar situation but maybe a month behind you. GF of over 4 months gets a "real" job three months ago but keeps here other job as a bartender (We work at a pretty nice restaurant which is how we met). She gradually has become more distant after an intense courtship. I miss that sorta stuff now but think the romance has simmered. When I asked her about it, she had a lot to say, namely some of her friends were being less than supportive of her relationship with me (they can kiss my a$$, BTW. I am a great guy and have only met 2 or 3 of her good friends and don't really feel like meeting the rest now). For her I think I see an identity thing. She is proud of how independent she is and I think a part of her looks at the advancing relationship as an infringement on that independence. And I just want to tell her of course it's going to be. Relationships take work. I am trying my hardest to let her contact me while she sorts herself out, but I think you know how hard that can be to do.
You do need to be in control, but only of you. You're the only one who can control yourself. I say go to dinner but don't expect anything to be different. Go out a few times at least and see if anything changes. If so, see where you're comfortable taking it. If not, then you have your answer. Good luck.
2006-09-19 12:03:29 · answer #2 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) No, you don't need to be in control. Don't even try to give yourself the illusion that you're in control. It never happens, in any part of life, so give it up. You're only ever in control of yourself...never anyone or anything else.
2) If you really care about each other, the relationship is worth working on. And if you continue a relationship after tonight, it will require work. Any relationship takes effort!
3) Most relationships have times when the couple is really close, and times when they're not. From the sounds of things, you called it off while the two of you were in one of the not-so-close spots. You shouldn't be so quick to end the relationship, just because one of you is having a bad month.
2006-09-19 11:53:27 · answer #3 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, i was in a similar situation two months ago, except i was the distant girl. No, it's not always black and white. With girls when they're dating, it's kind of all over the map. you'd be amazed at what all we're thinking. Anyways, what it comes down to is do you want to be with her or not? If it's going to hurt you too much, then tell her you're done. If she wants to try again, and you think you'd be willing to work it out, then you should go. Maybe go to dinner, see how she acts, and then decide? Yeah it might hurt, but it's only one night, and then you'd be done.
2006-09-19 11:50:29 · answer #4 · answered by fireballfanaticgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that maybe she was seeing someone else in the last month of your relationship and that is why there was a change in her behaviour. i think in relationships you either know one way another if you want to be together. work out how you feel for her, talk to her about it and make the decision. don't play games or be played. good luck.
break it off it sounds like you may have already made up your mind. don't have dinner with her. spend some time apart and maybe you can be friends later.
2006-09-19 11:52:17 · answer #5 · answered by burn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really depends on whats going on with her. just because shes been distant from you, doesnt mean she doesnt care for you. if she didnt care. why in the world ould she call you to go out for dinner. if my feelings changed for a guy, and he broke it off because i couldn't, then id be in the clear and that would be that. stop being selfish...she might be going through something, and youre so wrapped up int he attention shes not giving you that you cant even ask her whats going on and just break it off with her??? whats up with that??? talk to her...ask her how you can make it better for the both of you and you tell her the same. its a bout open and effective communication for any relationship to work...
2006-09-19 11:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by life beyond yur wildest dreams 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first there is always grey...there really is no black and white when dealing with emotions, mind, and heart. Find out whats on her mind.
Also, no such thing as control.. it truely is an illusion because at any moment if you try to be in control it can be taken away.
Communication is key. Trust is huge. If you have neither than move on.
2006-09-19 11:50:23 · answer #7 · answered by hoddin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MAYBE you could have tried to TALK TO HER about her attitude before you just dumped her. People who love each other try to work things OUT too!!
Maybe her attitude had NOTHING to do with you - maybe she was stressed, or going through some problems with her friends or family and didn't have a chance to talk to you about it. Maybe it had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. But wasn't she AT LEAST worth a conversation before you just dropped her?
She's better off without you.
2006-09-19 11:49:43 · answer #8 · answered by KB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would go to dinner and tell her that ur dangling and u dont wanna play games, either she has time for u in her life and leaves her attitude somewhere else or u walk. its not fair for u to bstrung along, but at the same time dont let urself b strung along
2006-09-19 11:51:10 · answer #9 · answered by cutie123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should both discuss this and you should get a clear picture from her. Then you decide what you want to do. go to dinner and see what happens.
It could be she has found someone else. you never know. maybe that's why she's been distant?
2006-09-19 11:49:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋