Mothers of the Brides?

Question

Okay, who out there has been thru it? I'm trying to do all I can to give my daughter the wedding of her dreams...lucky for me, she's a very reasonable woman, and understands that our budget has limitations.

What advice do you, as mothers of brides, have for me? What things should I be on the look out for that I wouldn't have thought of? How can I show her how much she means to me, and keep the day all about her?

Cbot, I certainly hope that her fiance gives her the marriage of her dreams, but we're talking about the wedding, here.

Answer 1

Congratulations, Mom! My daughter got married in May of this year. I think the most important advice I can give you is this.....let her know that she can back out of this at anytime. Even if she is at the alter. That's want I told my daughter, even if when the preacher has started if at anytime you just don't let you can, want to, or if have any doubts, turn to me and I will stop it. I would be the one to call it off, not her. She tells me now nearly 3 months into her marriage, that gave her a peace on her wedding day. That everyone wouldn't crowd around her, and bother her. It's hard to explain, I would be her excuse. So, she wouldn't be grilled and examined when she couldn't handle it.

Speaking of time, try your very best to have everything done before hand. Last minute problems or delays can throw your plans and timetables into a frenzy. I had boxs marked and labeled, so you didn't have to dig through them hunting something. Check your lists, and then like Santa check them twice.

I ask everyone to come to me for questions and concerns and not my daughter. That helped with her stress level. Keep annoying people as far away as you can. You shoulder the burden. You won't be able to enjoy all the fun and excitement of the day, but if your baby girl doesn't have to put up with Uncle John's noisy wife, she will. My daughter said she got tried of answering questions, and I thought I had done a fair decent job of keeping that chore away, but she said it wasn't ?s about the wedding or reception, it was silly questions from the bridesmaids, and the groomsmen, and the photographer and family members.

I planned so carefully for my precious daughter's wedding, and I use to be a wedding planner years ago, and I thought I had everything under control, I got fooled. Please double check your plans, I found out the dishwasher was broke, we had to wash all the dishes by hand before and after the cermoney. Should have used plastic, but my Nikkie wanted certain things. Two of ladies that were suppose to decorate the reception hall, couldn't make it because of a family emergency, that throw a big wrench into our plans. We hosted the wedding 5 hours away from home, and people were late, some got lost, and not really knowing the area was difficult also.

The wedding turned out beautiful, no one would have quessed the problems that we went through. So prepare for troubles and take a couple of aspirins before hand, because no wedding comes off perfect. Your daughter is a very lucky young woman to have such a caring Mother, and I believe you are going to do just fine. You are all ready showing her how much she means to you by loving her, but why not sit her down and have a talk. I apologized to my daughter before hand. I told her we would proably get on each other nerves before, during, and after the wedding, but I promised her I would do my best to give her the wedding of her dreams, and that if I did something wrong, to come and tell me. That I wouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve that she was the most important person in my life, and I gave her permission to "talk" to me.

We spent a many of days just talking, and going over everything. We enjoyed our many shopping trips, and lunches that we had. We bargained hunted, return stuff, we made it fun. We treated ourselves with breaks that we didn't even talk about the wedding. We had days that we weren't allowed to spend our precioust time together discussing anything to do with it. Just spend time with her, and please let her know that she can walk away at anytime, and it's ok!

Mother of the Bride, another idea I gave my daughter a shower for our closest friends, a personal shower, we came in pjs, shorts, no fancy dresses, no teas, just plain old fun. Nikkie said that was the most relax she had been since they announced the wedding date. We had a blast, we had music, everyone brought their favorite dish, had cheesecake, we talked and laughed, no pressures...just lots of women sharing and giving her advice and enjoying each other's company.

I am sorry, I ramble on and on, but I was nervous too. I wanted everything to be so perfect for her and my son-in-law. You do things with a loving heart and everything is going to be just fine.
I promise, your daughter will know. Mine did!

God bless us all..............

Answer 2

I was the mother-of-the-bride recently. My daughter, like yours, was very reasonable in her requests and her preferences. I think the best thing we did together, to keep the wedding within our budget, was to have a priority list. What was the top 3 things she wanted for the ceremony and reception. Was it a band vs. a DJ? A sit-down dinner vs. a buffet? A full, open bar vs. wine and beer only? An evening vs. daytime wedding? Once we knew *her* priorities, we worked together towards them, and created a budget that was sure to include them. It helped us also focus on what's important, and not worry about the small, insignificant stuff.

We did have some disagreements along the way. And we had challenges since we live 3,000 miles apart and I was responsible for most of the planning. But we emailed daily -- that constant communication was very important. Accept now that it will NOT be perfect. Some little glitches will occur, but mostly only you will notice them.

She was a very calm bride on the Big Day. I think that was probably where I felt I made my biggest contribution as a mom. I got help on the actual wedding day (enlist friends or family) to make sure that the flowers arrived on time, the caterer was ready, etc. So that I didn't have to worry about the details. It gave my daughter and I time to have our nails and hair done together and have some quiet time together, without the stress of the last-minute details.

It was the happiest day of my life. And my daughter says it was the happiest day of her life. So I guess we were a good team.

Mazel Tov! And enjoy the moment.

Answer 3

Another bride-to-be here. I also have a good friend who is getting married, whose soon to be mother-in-law is paying for a majority of the wedding. She is a very controlling woman (you don't sound like this at all, thank goodness!) and made it clear that since she was paying, that things had to be done the way she wanted them done. She insisted that her daughter and a couple of her nieces be added as bridesmaids and has made demands about flowers, dress choices, etc... Whatever you do, make your gift to your daughter unconditional. Let her create a wedding that she envisions in the budget that you've agreed upon. Mothers often envision thair daughter's wedding a certain way, and want to lean in that direction with the planning, but ultimately it is her day and she only gets one in her lifetime, as long as she's marrying the love of her life, so let her have that day!

My best friend got married last year and her parents paid for everything. Her mother demanded a solo singer (the bride would never have chosen one herself, and did not want one) and insisted on inviting church friends and business associate's of the father's who had never even met the bride. Whatever you do, don't demand that certain people be at the wedding, especially if you are working on a budget. If there are only so many people that you can afford, let them be people that the bride and groom truly enjoy the company of because when all is said and done, the guests are there to share the couple's love. Maybe Aunt June will be offended, but will get over it when she finds out the wedding was intimate and there were others that weren't invited for the same reason.

Good luck! I hope this helps. The fact that it matters enough to you to post the questions shows that you are a consciencious and caring mother. Your daughter is very lucky!

Congratulations!

Answer 4

Ok, so I'm not the mother of the bride, I am the bride, and am currently going through the same situation with my mom. She wants me to have everything that I have ever dreamed of in a wedding, but we are working with a very limited budget. My mom has been honest, and provided me with an exact dollar amount that she could help with. Her money was used for all of the necessary deposits. I think my mom is struggling more with the fact that she can't offer me more, than I am. I know my mom has the best of intentions, and I also know, appreciate and understand that she has other financial obligations as well, and I AM OK WITH THAT. I believe your daughter,too, wil be OK with that! I "cut" a lot of corners as far as making my own bouquets, and centerpieces, which saves a great deal of money...but I would have done that anyway! I printed my own invitations, and I am more than pleased with the way they turned out! There are things you can do to "cut" corners! And, I'm sure your daughter does and will continue to appreciate all that you have done for her! Best of luck to you! And to your daughter!

Answer 5

i think of its an mind-blowing theory to combine the two, while travelers could take a seat via 2 separate dances, they get bored and under pressure. I propose having the bride initiate dancing together with her father then having the groom and his mom connect halfway in the process the song nevertheless. I wish I remembered the song that the couple of the final wedding ceremony I went to used.

Answer 6

Be there for her, and be reasonable. You shouldn't have to prove to her how much she means to you; don't do it by paying for a $30K wedding! It doesn't sound like she would, but don't compromise because you think you have slighted her in the past.

My mom has been great. She's been strict, but once we proved to her that we could manage the budget she's been great. Go with her and celebrate what she enjoys. Be happy with her!!!

To keep the day all about her, keep the stress low. Get a wedding day coordinator if you wish. If you keep the stress off, everyone will be able to enjoy the day even more.

What's meant the most to me is having my mom be proud of me. She's been my creative outlet and my sound board. We've had our fights, but I know when I walk down the aisle (in 19 days) that I will have her love and respect. Having her look at me and tear up is all I need to know that she is proud of me.

Answer 7

Sorry, but shouldn't it be her fiance who should give her the wedding for her dreams rather than the mother? As the mother of the bride, you shouldn't interfere with her decision too much, let her plan it the way she wants. The best thing you can do is support her decisions and help pay for her wedding if you want. No offense, but mothers can be annoying when it comes to wedding, always giving their opinions when not wanted.

Answer 8

Mine got married June 3rd. They were engaged for a year. I set a budget of 15,000(her father was supposed to come up with half but if he was good to his word he wouldn't be my ex).

We stayed on budget (and he came up with 4,000 which I was grateful for).

My advice is this, pick the reception first and unless you belong to a particular church, make it a venue that you can have the ceremony at and the reception. Decide what is really important to you(well them) and spend your money on that.

For instance I wanted a full bar, good food and a good photographer. What wasn't really important was the invitations, the music and gifts for the guests. My daughter is also reasonable, but when she wanted some things I didn't think I could afford (like special knife and cake set), she paid for them herself. She also paid for the postage for the invitations, and of course they paid for their honeymoon.

We had a great time. I kept my mouth shut about alot of things and simply wrote out the checks. I really did let her make the choices, and we never had an argument.

Good luck and congrats.

Answer 9

As a bride i loved having my mums involovement in making our wedding arrangements....my mum made my day very special by doing the little things and always asking how i was...helping in the small ways like when i was getting dressed assisting with my jewellery and i think adjusting me throughout the day like my veil and train..............by doing these small things i felt that she was watching her princess all day and by the way she must of told me she love me 1000 times.
Have a wonderful time

Answer 10

Try looking at www.customweddingsolutions.com for all the accessories and bridal party gifts. They are wonderful and wont strain your budget so much.