A person says they're ugly or fat when they aren't. What do I say or do in reply?

Question

Many of my aquaintances often claim they are "so fat" or "so ugly" right in front of me. Most of these people are all very pretty (with and without make-up) and most are a size 5 or skinnier.

How do I reply to this without making it seem as if I'm lying? And how do I reply to somebody who says this and it's true, in my opinion? When this happens, I end up lying by saying they are not.

I'm in high school, where many teens are very insecure about themselves and are commonly "fishing" for complements. Do I give it to them, or just ignore it?

Many of my aquaintances often claim they are "so fat" or "so ugly" right in front of me. Most of these people are all very pretty (with and without make-up) and most are a size 5 or skinnier.

How do I reply to this without making it seem as if I'm lying? And how do I reply to somebody who says this and it's true, in my opinion? When this happens, I end up lying by saying they are not.

I'm in high school, where many teens are very insecure about themselves and are commonly "fishing" for complements. Do I give it to them, or just ignore it?

Unfortunanetly, I compliment these girls, but they continue to go for compliments day after day. On top of that, they have a habit of saying this in the locker room while I'm there. I'm a size 10, and they are calling themselves fat at a size 5.

I have enough of a high esteem to feel o.k. about it, but the biggest issue is annoyance.

Answer 1

Ask them,"Ugly or fat compared to whom?" If it's actors or models, remember these people have a staff of 50 following them at all times to make sure they look beautiful. And anything we see in movies or in magazines is fine-tuned and airbrushed so they look perfect there as well.
We are all different and it's our differences that make us unique. Big or small, we need to appreciate the person within ourselves. Be proud of yourself, believe in yourself. Don't drag yourself down to other's levels. Stand proud!
And if all else fails, get some friends who are less shallow.

Answer 2

It's been a long time since I was in High School, but these sound like "typical" teenage girls to me.
One of your questions was about responding to the girls who (in your own opinion as well) say they're fat or ugly - you are wondering what to say. I suggest replying, "I feel that way myself sometimes"... you are safely responding to them, without saying anything about them one way or the other.

As for the other girls the added details you've provided at the end indicate that these girls are in the habit of doing this in the locker room while you're around. I have two thoughts about this:
1) There's a reason they're doing it (while you're around).
2) Let the other girls respond if they want to.

It's too bad that you have to deal with this - it's a waste of a person's day. If it's any consolation, there are a lot of "adults" who act even more childish than children do!

Answer 3

It depends on if you want to be honest or polite, either way you can be nice. You can ask them why they think that way about themselves if they say that they are fat or ugly and are, then ask them what would make them feel better about themselves. Ugliness is more often than not a reflection of the persons own opinion about themselfs. Even overweight people can be beautiful, its all in how you hold yourself. Like Kirsty Alley is really a beautiful woman, and Delta Burke, they just carry themselves in a way that you have to see that they are beautiful. You can be skinny and ugly, especially if you go around saying that you are fat. It makes people who really are heavier resent your presence. I recomend just being honest with out getting mean.

Answer 4

You are right. They are looking for a compliment. When they say, "I'm so fat!", they want you to say how great they look. Simple way to fix the situation is to completely ignore it as if you didn't hear it. They will either stop, or do it to someone else.

If someone is truly overweight and they are talking about it, listen to them. They need an ear. Don't lie and say, "You are not fat." Simply tell them what a beautiful person they are. Point out something that is fab about them. Hair, personality, smile, etc. They are feeling down and looking for reassurance and an ear to listen.

Answer 5

My feeling is that when people who are obviously not ugly and don't have a weight problem refer to themselves as fat and/or ugly, I think what they're asking for is validation that someone else also feels that they aren't fat and/or ugly. It could be a sign of low self-esteem or a million other things. It might irritate me, but I'd try to respond in a positive way.

For the people who really ARE ugly and/or fat (by universal standards), things get more tricky. People already pretty much know what they are without asking for opinions. But, it goes deeper than that. I've known physically beautiful people who had such crappy personalities, their outward beauty was totally overshadowed by it. I've also known people who weren't really physically attractive, but had such wonderful personalities, when you looked at them, you saw a beautiful person.

What you have to remember is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I would just encourage you to try to find an answer you feel comfortable with, while at the same time trying not to hurt someone's feelings.

Answer 6

Your answer depends on numerous things.
One of the most important is your relationship with that person.
Some people will get mad if you agree with them.
Others will get mad if you don't.
Don't commit until you have listened to them say things about themselves and you understand where their minds are at the time.
Being a teen who had a humongous chest, I know what it feels like to not feel secure in who you are.
Do not be dismayed.
And do not lie.
Just don't comment.
If they ask you why you don't comment, tell them you don't know what to say.
But know that if a person is fat, ugly, lazy, leggy, short, tall...it makes no matter because that is not the reason you are friends with them...you might want to tell them that as well.

Blessings to you in this.
I know it is not easy.

Answer 7

They are just feeling insecure because of the pressures that society puts on young women to be so perfect all the time. In our culture, you can never be thin enough, or pretty enough. That's what you always see in the magazines. These perfect airbrushed size zero bodies, perfect makeup, perfect hair, etc. That's just not reality. It's telling women that if they try to look like a magazine cover, that essentially they will fail. You don't need to elaborate on whether they are not pretty or whether they are overweight or not. Just tell them they are unique and beautiful, not just because of how they look, but because of who they are. Peace.

Answer 8

I would tell them the truth, unless you know that you are not doing this person a service. Sometimes it's wise to just say nothing at all. Most people love to hear good things about themselves. Talk to them about being shallow, because the outward appearance is not who they really are. If they feel ugly, maybe itys because they think ugly. Every ONE is beautiful.

Answer 9

I thank God that most of my friends are guys and i dont have to worry about the consant, "Do I look ok?", "Am I fat?" remarks. When one of my friends does ask this question though i ALWAYS resond jokingly, "yeah, your hidious!" or something like that. when you do that, it is sort of saying that i dont really want to broach this subject, and you dont have to lie this way. it's either telling the truth or a joke. if the friend presses then you could just continue to joke about how ugly you think they are. (make sure they know its a joke though) I dont know if this will work for you, but i have found sucess in it!

Answer 10

That can be tough.

Personally, I used to just say "We are all entitled to our own opinions" and drop the subject completely. When someone follows up with "What does that mean?" I'd say "It means I keep my opinions to myself."



There isn't a right answer that I know of - and I should, I used to ask sometimes when I was in HS too (how dumb!)