i need help with my 4yr old who just started school..?

Question

i am a stay at home mom and we haven't been apart since she was bornMy 4 yr old just started school in aug. The first two weeks she did fine. Now she says she crys all day at school because she wants to come home becasue she misses me and her animals. What can i do to make her feel better about going to school, and stop her from upseting herself at school and at home.
She can't wait to get to school, but it seems like once she is there she doesn't want to be. She has also gone throw alot of changes in her life in the past 8 months. her father left us, we lost one of our animals, and her uncle has moved out of the house.

she is in preschool/child development

Answer 1

I am a Pre K teacher, so I see this everyday. The reason your daughter loved it at first is because it was new and exciting, but now she is realizing that attending school is permanent. My advice to you is what I tell every new parent. Take her into her room with confidence. Kiss her and tell her she is going to have a great day and before she knows it, you will be back to get her. Then leave quickly. Hanging around and trying to convince her or bargain with her to stay actually makes it worse. The key is to be happy and confident and in a week or two your daughter will begin to see that there is nothing to fear. Also it may help if you can let her teacher in on the plan and see if she can have a distraction ready for your daughter as you are leaving. Because as far as the changes that have occurred in recent months, this is actually the best thing for her. It will give her some stability and a routine. Hope it works out, Just stick with it Mom!

Answer 2

Like you, I'm a stay at home mom. My kids have never been to a daycare or anything. Thier first time away from me is K-4. My children are 7,5 and 2. So, I've been through this twice so far. My best advice would be to help her get a best friend. Find out if there is one or two little girls that she enjoys playing with. Then have them over to your house and let them play. If your daughter has a new best friend at school she may be happier there.

Just as a side note, the day that my oldest daughter walked into school (k-4) and did not cry was actually harder on me than leaving her crying. I know it's silly, but it's a mom thing. Good luck and just know that you are doing the right thing by sending her and she will be better for it.

Answer 3

Hi!
With all that's going on, I mean all the losses she just experienced in her young life, it's no surprise that she is afraid.

Most children going through losses have a fear of being abandoned by the person left behind. What if Mommy or the pets would also leave by the time she gets home from school?

Reassure her that you will always be there for her, if you can, pick her up after school. Or for a few days, go and meet her for lunch if she eats there. Show her that whatever happens, you are there. Talk to the teacher(s) explain the situation, it will help them understand what your little one is going through.

I don't see the need to remove her from school, she likes going as you say.

What I would suggest is to talk to your pediatrician and get her to see a child psychologist. The problem is not the school, it's what that child has been through.

I would of course suggest that you see a Homeopath because I have delt with such problems quite a few times and had had very good results, but I don't want to impose my views. Whatever you do, please get her help. Removing her from school is only a temporary solution.

Answer 4

This is called separation anxiety. Your four-year old has gone through a lot. She lost a father, a pet, and an uncle, all people/animals who were dear to her heart, and she's afraid that you'll disappear if she's not looking. Children that young understand a lot more than you give them credit for. Sit down with her and ask her why she misses you so much when she's at school. See if you can get her around to realizing what the actual trigger (fear of loss) is. If she knows why she's that sad, she can handle it better and you can reassure her. Right now, she's got an ambiguous fear that she can't link to a cause, other than 'I miss Mommy.' Treat her like a person. Once you get her to realize exactly why she's so upset about it, then you can reassure her and tell her you will not leave her. You can't. You love her and she loves you. She needs to learn to be apart from you for periods of time. This is important for the both of you. My daughter and I went through a lot of the same thing, and she just adores school. It should be fun at that age. I've found that thorough communication and reasoning is always the best remedy.

Answer 5

Aw, she has a lot to adjust to right now. Are you sure she's crying all day at school? I'm just wondering if that's just what she says, or if her teacher's confirmed it. Is it possible she sees you and then thinks, wow, I missed mom all day today! Boy was I sad. ;) Or is she really feeling anxiety that she'll lose you, too? If she still gets excited about going to school I think I'd just try waiting it out - at least a part of her is wanting to go. Maybe she can take a picture of you or something special of yours to school to help her get through the day. Her teacher may have some advice for you - they see this all the time.
I agree 4 is young to be starting school. If you're still stay at home remember there isn't anything wrong with taking one more year to keep her home with you. Or try a half day program if they offer one. Honestly I think five is young to stay at school all day! Lots of days the school sees my daughter more than I do, and definitely more than my husband. I'm all about parents raising their kids - not schools. Good luck to you guys!

Answer 6

I started my son in preschool at 4 also but he was only in for 3 hours to start, then i gradually increased the time. He knew I was always there to pick him up and some days I would get him out early and take him to lunch. Maybe you could even stay at the school a little longer until she gets comfy and finds friends. Let her know you are always waiting for her at home and your not going anywhere. You could even get her a little surprise(occasionally) for when she doesn't cry at school. You have to stay strong because this is part of life. Oh and maybe get another pet, the only thing out of those you can replace.

Answer 7

Sounds like separation anxiety. My son went through this, and alot of things were going on within the family also at that time. The best thing to do is reassure her you will see her in the afternoon or evening, do something special just the two of you and above all esle let her know you love her and you will always be there. My son and I have a little saying that we have told each other for a few years now he is now 8, and that is " I got your back ", When all else fails we are there for each other no matter what, and we both "know" that!

Answer 8

I had this problem with my 3 year old going to pre-school. Make it fun when you drop here off. Piggy-back rides are especially helpful, then when you say your good-byes, make it high energy. Big smiles, i love you sooooo much or this many, give silly kisses, and remind her that you'll be back to pick her up and also have high energy then. Kids are balls of energy, then they don't want to do something they get blah (my word for it). Maybe take some trips to see her uncle, that would brighten her day. And when you see him, ask him to mention school. Apparently these people played a big role in her life, so what he says will probably hit home a little more that mom.

Answer 9

I am a stay at Home dad and the exact same thing happened with my boy.. He started off fine and then in late sept or oct he started the daily crying.. Sure, the poor littl ones miss us. His teacher would say he was always thinking somthing bad was happening to me.. He is so cute...She told me to tough it out, I was gonna pull him out, I also felt bad that she had to deal with it as well as being disturbing to the other children. Now, when I would go to pick him up, he would be fine and I would have to wait until he huged everyone goodby.. So, somtime safter Christmas vacation things seemed to change and then just one day he stopped crying. Now there were times I woud bribe him, by maybe picking him up early or giving him a hookie day if he would go so kany days without crying. That worked somtimes, and to tell the truth, I missed him maybe more than he missed me.. Now he is in The big K all day no problems. His sister is in 4th, at the same school. We live right next to the school, so they can even walk... I have the chouse clean by 10am and then NOTHING... I think I better go fishing or somthing, I want my wife to have another baby, but she says only if she can stay home and I go back to work...No Way!!!! Well Good Luck

Answer 10

here is exactly what you need to know- your daughter is scared because she thinks you will not come back.

all children go through this to some degree but because your daughter has already lost so much, she is scared she will lose again. first, you need to just keep up with it! the more she realizes that you will be back for her, she will get more comfortable with going. Secondly, give her something to bring along, a "security blanket". Did you see the movie "Big Daddy"?? Adam Sandler gave his child a pair of sunglasses to put on whenever he got scared and they would make him invisible. of course they really didnt but they made the little guy more comfortable with going to school. maybe you could do something like that for your daughter. give her a watch and tell her that everytime the numbers change to something ending in a 5, it means you are thinking of her. something like that to show her you havent forgotten about her. and also, leave her little notes to surprise her. a note in her folder pocket saying "i love you" can releive at least a little bit of tears!